Yay

No exclamation mark, so you know what's the meaning.

It's a fake yay.

Finally completed my bio report last night at 3 (Yay!) and now trying to make sure I remember all the things which are supposed to be done by tonight.

So yeah, back to real life.

Yay.

Emo

That

annoying

little

feeling

...when you're feeling hungry in the middle of the night with a bio report 75% done and you're thinking about all of your siblings except you are at home, and you're the youngest, yet they, older than you, are enjoying your mum's cooking and you're stuck in this land of far far away only with indomie as an option because it's the only thing that tastes good yet you're worrying of the long-term effects it will cause to your intelligence level and the voice of your dad prohibiting you from eating instant noodles keeps on ringing in your head  since the beginning of sem 1 and you're left wondering...

why oh why..

when I think about food, I feel homesick.

I am soooooooo not complaining.

*back to bio report.

Day 8

Bio report..still not done yet.

I hate myself for not being efficient.

So there's this one person, sleeping on the sofa hoping that 1 and a half hour of sleep would be enough after a few hours trying to finish the whole thing in one go.

Then suddenly there's this fellow, calling her phone and greeting her good morning in a cheerful voice.

Why do some people can be so active in the morning? 

So the adventure began. With my brain still half asleep, I spent my morning doing something that I would never forget in my entire life.

Came back in the afternoon and dropped dead back again, now not on the sofa.

Now I have to get back to Bio, or else I'll be in deep trouble. Tomorrow's Sunday. I just can't believe it.

Why oh why the break is too short?

--------

So errr, was trying to comment on my friend's blog yesterday and found out that..

...commenting is not easy especially for blogs that have comment moderation. You even have to prove you're not a robot. I never knew about that. So yeah, thanks for entertaining my lameness during this break.  *salute* Will miss the times when I can blog freely like this. Back to real life soon. Aaaaaa.

I Used to Hate Rich Kids

I'm starting to think that I'm talking too much tonight, but I can't help it. It would be such a waste for not writing this down, because I know that I'll find it funny in the future as I reread everything.

This has been forever left as a draft.

Before you decide to start reading, I would like to stress on the words "used to." 

I'm finally taking up the challenge to write honestly about how this land of far far away has taught me to think about people and things differently.

To be honest, I never liked rich kids. 

Years ago, you will find me uttering the phrase "Huh, anak orang kaya." whenever there's a child on TV who plays piano very well. Or a teen who scored really well in exams and got a placement in a very good university. Or a group of kids joining golf tournaments, pictured in the sports section of the newspaper.

I was that negative.

I grew up thinking that if you're rich, oww yeah you're happy.

It's not that I come from a very poor family, in fact I find my life pretty funny. I don't always get what I want, but I have what I need. God has provided more than enough for my family (I believe that He provides more than enough for everyone as well), but it's my attitude which caused me to keep on seeing the things that other people have, and question myself why can't I have the same?

When I came here, I started to see even clearly the things that I have, and what other people don't have. And how balanced and fair things are as well. There is no such thing as "life is unfair." 

Again, it's not that I was a very ungrateful teen, but what I'm trying to say is that now I can mix with rich kids without having any thoughts which I had in the past. 

You play musical instruments very well as a result of music classes? That's talent.

You're good in a certain sport because you had a personal coach? That's your talent as well.

Back then, I wouldn't say that's talent. I would say "Huh, anak orang kaya."

..but last semester a friend of mine said something which still sticks in my mind.

I was surprised to see a class still receiving photocopied notes from their lecturer, so I said "Wah..senangnya..masih kena suap." (Wah, so easy, still being spoon-fed).

She answered me in a very wise way, "Kena suap pun kena kunyah sendiri jugak." (Being spoon-fed also requires you to chew everything yourself). 

*translation provided just for fun. As if I have any international readers lol.

Reality struck me.

Why did I hate these people so much in the past? Now they're the ones helping me to grow a lot in this place. 

I know why. It's the environment that I've been growing up in throughout my teen years. I come from a neighbourhood where people work as teachers, nurses, policemen etc.

Not lawyers, doctors, engineers, businessmen etc.

My school friends, some of them were from surrounding "modern villages", with parents working in the government sector. We spoke our native dialect, not English. They don't brag about how they've been to London, Paris, New York, how thick the snow was, how cold the toilet bowl was etc. We talked about normal stuffs everyday, about TV programmes (Indonesian dramas, as far as I can remember), studies, music, school's latest news etc. so I got used to these kind of stuffs.

Now that I'm here, I do find that some people love to share their stories so much, and it was annoying at first, and I did (and still) have the thoughts of proving to them for not being a budak Sarawak who doesn't know about a single thing out of this country. But I refrained myself from doing so. 

Why?

Because it's those rich kids, who didn't act like those stereotyped rich kids, who made me see that I was wrong for hating them.

I hope I don't sound like judging. It's not my intention to judge, neither I have the rights to do so. All I want to say that I've learned a lot from the people I meet in college. As I listened to their stories, I came to realise that we're pretty much the same after all. This environment that I'm in now is rather balanced and I can see myself mixing well with rich and not-so-rich people, so yeah it's fun to get to know people's backgrounds and see how their characters are shaped based on these kind of things. Humans are one bunch of interesting thing to be studied.

Haha.

Schools and Traditions

Why so sudden? Ah, actually I've been thinking of pouring my thoughts on this for quite a long time already. Before my inspiration runs dry, I think I better start saying out what I want to say.

For all my life, I've only been to ordinary schools. 

However, you may not know that I actually have a very deep interest in boarding schools, or schools with traditions, and the way they work.

"If you have children in the future, will you send them to schools like RMC?", I asked my friends one day. They laughed at me. They gave me some of their opinions too.

I just don't know why, but when I look at other people's photos of their schooldays, I get this funny little question, "What did I do during my schooldays?".

School traditions are one of the coolest things people could experience in their lifetime. I occasionally visit the websites of two all-boys schools which are (weirdly) becoming my top two schools which I would like to visit one day. They are Suan Kularb Wittayalai School and Vajiravudh College in Thailand.

I know I'm weird.

But it's fun looking at photos of them attending school programmes and continuing their school tradition. They even have this some sort of pride of their school to the point that some of them have fb names which end with their school's name.

So I would imagine myself, having an fb name like..errr..Fee Penrissen.

One friend told me that it's not really good to have that kind of attachment. Yes, we all have some sort of pride and fondness towards our old schools and the memories that we left behind, but somehow we need to move on.

I love my old school, if you'd asked me. Penrissen is a very old school itself, established in 1965, but most of the buildings are new ones. 

I had a chance to experience a school with tradition when I was in Form 1, but I ran away from it. And I never regretted. MRSM has this homeroom system thingy, bonds between senior-juniors were quite strong (I guess so), boarding school atmosphere gives you a routine which soon becomes some sort of a tradition, but yeah, I ran away to a normal school which made me happy anyway.

I'm jumping here and there, slowly away from my main topic.

When they look back on their schooldays, I bet those people see the days when they went through the traditions and stuffs.

When I look back on mine, I guess it's more less the same after all. Got friends. Got nice teachers. Got sports day (which I never attended anyway). 

But one good thing about schools with traditions, they have alumni associations :D

People from normal school like me, once they get out of the school, they're forgotten :X

..and one funny thing is that I was really hoping to go to some sort of university which has a tradition, like those old British ones. Months before SPM you could find me visiting Wikipedia almost everyday just to read about those kind of universities, staring at their logos, and examining the mottos.

and I forgot to mention university scarves. Those which have different colours according to faculty. Very cool stuff indeed.

Ironically, the place where I'm (hopefully) going to head to is quite a new university, yeah I doubt they have any tradition or Hogwards-like buildings.

Nah, try to guess which uni has this motto: Via, Veritas, Vita.

OK, to be honest I was dreaming (and is still dreaming) of going to University of Glasgow.

'nuff said.

Day 7

Woohoo.

I just want to share about the day I found out the cure for flu. Err..which is, in fact, my second discovery for the cure of flu ever since I stepped into this land of ... err...

About one month ago I came to learn that flu and sore throat can magnificently be cured by just eating ice-cream at night.

Last night, I found another way of combating flu (or a nose that runs without feet).

Sleep with your sweater on.

Believe me, Akasia's been cold, very very cold these past few nights.

I woke up nine hours later feeling great. So it's whether because of 9 hours sleep, or sleep with sweater on. One day I shall try to get the other variable fixed.

Today has been totally unproductive.

So I don't have anything to share T_T

The Depressing (Love) Song

I finally completed it a few minutes ago. Yes, I need to be alone when I'm working out on a song because it's quite embarrassing to keep on strumming the same thing and mumbling random words.

There are a few things to clarify before I share this song here.

1. I am not in love.
2. This song isn't written for any particular person.
3. Yes, you'll find cliché lyrics.
4. This song is not written for any particular person.
5. I am not in love.

So here it goes:

HIDDEN FEELINGS 

a song about..err..hidden feelings

Verses:

Time is cruel 

We're so close

Yet still so far

Acting cool

I'm no good

Yet still I try

For you

Oh, I hope you had a clue.

(Whoaah) Feeling blue

Looking at the night sky

Thinking if you're

doing so too

Wondering if it'll

be the same if you knew

Oh, you just don't have a clue.

Pre-chorus:

I guess it doesn't really matter

'Cause there are things I should learn to hide

For all the dreams that seem to shatter

You may not know the times I've lied

Chorus:

You never know

That I'm thinking of you

but what if you had to go?

and are these feeling true?

Maybe it's worth a try?

Like a dandelion

Floating in the sky

Sometimes I wish these feelings

will find somewhere to hide

(but I know)

There are things I can't deny

Repeat the whole thing.

End with first verse.

-----------

So yeah..as usual..story-telling time. Bear with me.

I wasn't planning to complain that "time is cruel". It just happened to fit the sound of the chords which I were plucking. The paradox in the second and third lines were actually more like something I simply threw into the lyrics.

Honestly speaking, I don't really think that the lyrics deserve this melody. I've been working out on this melody for quite a while and I like it more that any of my previous songs, but it's rather sad that I had to fit in these depressing lyrics into it.

It was midnight when I wrote "looking at the night sky".

Chorus is so depressing, I know.

Most of the things don't rhyme. I know T_T

Dandelion's there for a reason. I've been loving dandelion seeds for all my life. And a few days ago I almost caught one flying in front the balcony. I failed. So I was frustrated and it got stuck inside my mind.

I'm about to turn 19, I'm a girl and I have crushes. What's so unusual about that?

We all have one (or two, or three), admit it.

So this song is dedicated to those who are keeping hidden feelings, wishing that someday, somehow, errr..I dunno how to continue.

Again, I have to say this.

I am not in love. This song just happened to be like this.

and it's up to you to have your own interpretation.

..and actually I was planning to improve a little bit by writing longer lyrics but it turned out the other way round, in fact these are the shortest lyrics I've ever written.

Will probably start recording if I have the chance to be left alone in the room or once my flu goes away. Or maybe I won't. Depends on my mood because usually I'll find out that I write bad songs after listening to it for quite a number of times.

I doubt that I can sing it anyway, because it's in the key of D, and is very high for me till I feel like I'm screaming rather than singing. I have this impression that I sound like the vocalist of my favourite band 25 Hours. Very high pitch. But mine's annoyingly high. I can't lower the key because it involves Dsus2 and Dsus4 which sound surprisingly good when I pluck them. I don't know how will it sound like if I change them to Csus2 or Csus4. Heck, I don't even know how those chords look like :S

I shall think about it first.

Bye.

Day 6

If I were a Thai, today would be one of my happiest days.

Been sneezing uncontrollably ever since I came back from lunch with three people who should remain in anonymity. 

Sneezing equals to happiness?

No. But yes.

Thais believe that whenever you sneeze, someone, somewhere is thinking of you.

-source: A movie titled "Seasons Change".

I've never stopped sneezing for the whole evening. This must mean that there are a lot of people actually missing me. I am delighted indeed.

I am in fact typing this and sneezing in irregular intervals. My nose is running without feet. I am going to get sick in any minute from now, or maybe I had gotten sick. 

Congratulations, I should say to myself, for I am the cause of my own sickness.

Main reason must be sleeping during times that I am not supposed to sleep.

Second possible cause: I drank iced lemon tea, which is diuretic (I guess). I'm feeling thirsty every second. 

Third reason seems legit. Someone must be missing me! That's why I'm sneezing a lot.

Sorry for my perasan-ness. I just can't stop from giving self-motivation to myself.