Endure in Silence

Feels Like..

2012-02-14T20:08:00.000+08:00

You can complete the title for me, thanks.

I don't feel like talking.

But I just can't shut the voices in my heart.

Life is funny. There's this sunny afternoon and suddenly you see a lightning, followed by a scary thunder.

Hold on, put a smile,

Life's too short, don't be so fragile.

Happiness is..

2012-02-11T18:37:00.002+08:00

eating a packet of Milo on your bed without any worries that your mum will tell you that a colony of ants is going to pay you a visit.

..but..there are three consequences that I might suffer:-

Sore throat (again) if I forget to drink enough water after this.
Toothache if I forget to brush my teeth.
..and a colony of ants paying me a visit, of course.

Moral of the story -

Happiness is inevitable, even when you have topic tests ahead of you. Even when sometimes you feel that you just cannot breathe. Even when you start to miss your family.

Happiness is...

still there. You just can't avoid it.

XD

2012-02-07T14:46:00.001+08:00

I dunno if they want it to be on YouTube, but ahahahaaa sorry guys!! XP

..and yeah I know the reason why I'm sharing this.

..because the piano sounds beautiful. :)

Uh?

2012-02-03T23:49:00.002+08:00

I just wanna have fun.
..and I write songs based on the same reasons why I blog.

To express myself..

and I somehow wanna write songs that can make people smile. Not there yet, but will continue doing this.

and I guess it's important to get the reasons right first before everything...

and I know the reasons why I wrote this and shared this.

Enjoy. :)

Tuesday

2012-01-31T16:39:00.000+08:00

We have three more days before the weekend.

Went to bed last night with a very nervous feeling.

Felt sleepy in class.

Had a very cheap lunch. (yay?)

Nervous again.

Sang off-key.

Nervous again.

Had my speaking test.

Came back to Akasia feeling super hungry.

*******

Just want to say a few things about speaking test just now.

Part 1 was about how I learned to read when I was a child. There were questions about reading habits etc. I wrote about that once in this blog.

Part 2 was about something that I spent on after collecting my own money. I talked about my guitar. Wrote about that before in this blog too.

Part 3 was about spending/saving money, and is it necessary for parents to buy everything that their children want. I was about to write about that in my blog, with the title "I Used to Hate Rich Kids" which is still saved as a draft. :P

So yeah, I'm not going to stop blogging.

In fact I wish I could speak just like how I blog about stuffs :/

....

2012-01-29T19:06:00.000+08:00

I've just realised one thing.

My guitar makes me happy. Was about to be in emo state but quickly picked up my dear boyfriend and strummed a few random chords so hardly.

Housemates still not here yet. I am OK of being alone, I've been through that for the whole week and believe me, IT WAS FUN! :D

..but then seeing others..walking with their housemates..makes me wonder...

where are mine?

Lol I am not emo.

Feelings

2012-01-25T23:48:00.000+08:00

Feelings. Do you believe in your feelings? Do you believe that your feelings can change a person's life?

Never underestimate the power of feelings.

Bathed late and thought about this funny little thing called feelings. I think my philosophical mood got activated by the water.

I'm a person who loves to express my feelings. I'm rather hesitant and not so confident in defending my opinions, but this is among the few exceptions. I believe that there's nothing wrong to let others know your feelings. And I believe that most of the time, it is important to let people know what you think about them.

I describe myself simply as "I feel..that I feel too much", because that's the truth about me. I feel things very easily. I get happy when people make my day, I get sad easily when things seem to be not like it's supposed to be. I like to express to people how I appreciate their actions towards me, because I believe it's something good to do - life is easy, you tend to do the things that you wish people would do to you. So this gives you the basic idea of all of this thing that I'm typing. Fact number 1: you will never know how happy I am when your simple act touches my heart. It doesn't have to be something big. Smiling back to me makes me happy. A pat on the back makes me super happy. I remember a lot of little little things that you might not realise you've done to me. And that's why I tend to have this desire to let people know that I appreciate them as well. However I guess sometimes it's a rather funny thing to do especially when people seem to feel not as much as I do.

Fact number 2: please don't think that I'm weird when I seem to excessively thank people for small stuffs, or when I annoy you with my over-expressing-feeling (or whatever you call it). I try to put myself into situations that I face, most of the time. Because I love it when people say I'm good in something, I really want to say to others the same thing. Because I love it when people describe me with positive adjectives, I want to do the same things to others as well.

I don't think it's wrong to say what you want to say about someone. If you think he/she made you happy because of something, then say it out.

Here's the thing: I imagine this thing, most of the time.

What if someone was suicidal, but you never knew about it. He/she thought that he/she is never good in anything, he/she doesn't even know who would cry if he/she dies, he/she keeps on wondering about the purpose of living and everyday there seems to be no reason to smile at all.

What will happen if you tell that fellow, "hey, you're very good in _____(insert name of sport/musical instrument/whatever random talent)". Or make that person feel like his/her presence is noticed. Do you think a person would still think of killing oneself? No, I tell you.

Problem with society is that when someone says something out, they call you attention seeker. Everyone tries to act strong, but the truth is, ah just admit it, everyone, every single person on earth needs attention and encouragement from one another. Ugly truth, not everyone will agree with this statement. But don't tell me you don't feel anything when your message is replied, or when your mum and dad say "I love you", or when your friend says you're mighty awesome etc.

We are all attention seekers, face that fact. (But yeah, to be fair let's just say that our level of attention-seeking varies among individuals). (What the heck, from feelings I suddenly focus on attention-seeking. Essay almost out of topic darnit).

You'll never know how you've made a person smile before they go to bed. You'll never know when you've changed a person's heart on how beautiful life is. Sometimes I do wonder if I ever made a change to someone's mood for even once. I don't like the feeling of wondering. Therefore you get this type of me - the one who will tell, or at least give a hint - that yeah, you made me smile before going to bed tonight. But too bad, sometimes it's a very weird thing to do, so most of the time I keep it to myself, with the hope that the people will somehow know that they've made me happy.

Life is short. It's good to let people know that they've made you happy - because it makes them happy too. I can't imagine dying without even knowing whether I've made someone happy or not. (Purely based on my way of thinking). That's the conclusion.

You don't have to agree with me, seriously ;)

but you can always leave a comment to show that I'm not talking alone like a madman here. (attempt of seeking for attention in an indirect manner, I admit).

Till we meet again.

Alone with a Song

2012-01-23T20:54:00.001+08:00

I somehow love being alone.

It makes me think more, and during these times inspiration blooms. It's not that I don't find inspiration when I'm with a bunch of people. In fact, it's when I'm with people I get the inspiration. When I'm alone I expand/ develop the inspiration and make it into something..like a song.

So here it goes. I don't really have a good title for it, but I think Rubbing Shoulders would do well, even though it is not meant to mean the idiom 'to rub shoulders with somebody'. I take it rather literally here.

Rubbing Shoulders

a song about life, memories and friendship

Verse 1

When life throws you into different places

that's when you get to see a lot of faces

but then eventually we'll have to say goodbye

and we'll be just like birds, flying in the sky

Pre-chorus

And you wonder

How it's gonna be

When we leave this place today

are the memories here to stay?

Chorus

Rubbing shoulders with a thousand people

Forming bonds, as time goes by

It's strange that strangers can become as close as siblings

and there are

a million reasons to believe that goodbye's just the start

so it should be...

Till we meet again!

Verse

I guess it's weird that time flies and people come and go

It's just like seeing sunshine, now you see the snow

Pre-chorus

And I ponder

Life is sometimes funny

When you get to say hello

Next day you get ready to go

Chorus

Rubbing shoulders with a thousand people

Forming bonds, as time goes by

It's strange that strangers can become as close as siblings

and there are

a million reasons to believe that goodbye's just the start

so it should be...

Till we meet again!

*********

Try to guess where did I get the idea of the first line of the chorus? Kepong Market.

It gave me an idea that in life, we get to know a lot of people but most of them will leave, or maybe it's us who leave a place. Then we meet new people. Sometimes we pass by people and smile, or offer help, and that's probably the last time we see that person.

It's rather different for most of us - some were born and raised in different places, some grow up in the very same place, hence there's a special bond with the people around. I spent the last weekend with a friend of mine who has been born and raised in the same area. I like that fact very much. It's fun and nostalgic - and the people around are the same people who witnessed your stages of life.

My life story is totally different. Moving from places to places makes me ponder on who are my friends - I don't have a friend who grew up together with me (besides my siblings). Life revolves around making new relationships, leaving, and building new ones.

College life teaches me the same thing. Farewells are inevitable.

..but sometimes people still meet again in this world!

Updates

2012-01-22T20:05:00.001+08:00

Where should I start first? I feel like telling everything.

Finished a carton of Marigold Peel Fresh Orange Juice 2 seconds ago in one gulp.

Came back from Mydin 5 Minutes ago, grabbing all comfort food that could be seen. Life is wonderful. Got myself a jar of Nutella, my first ever jar of Nutella in SA (or can I say Malaysia?) just to make myself happy. Nah, I was kidding. Actually I promised to myself that I will get one once my allowance comes in, so that pretty much explains something.

Where should I start?

Friday

My adventures began last Friday right after classes ended. Hopped into the sports car back to Akasia, packed my bag and set off for an unforgettable journey with Kar Suan and Sharon (and Yasi who shared the taxi). Wow that rhymed.

Had an awesome moment jamming all evening, abusing Kar Suan's piano and acting like Mozart. Sharon became our official vocalist. Tried out Smell the Rain, which made me a little bit perasan because I like the piano version so much. My salutation goes to Kar Suan for being able to produce a cool piano version in not more than five attempts. I'm itching to upload it somewhere, who knows we might be discovered and can become like Bieber. Aha, just kidding. I'm itching to upload it somewhere because I want to share the joy of the lyrics and melody. Honestly. Seriously. My ultimate goal is to write songs that can inspire people, too bad I don't know any music theory. (Wait, no..my ultimate goal is to jam on a rooftop. That's my second ultimate goal.)

So yeah. How can I ever forget about food? HAD THE AWESOMEST CHINESE FOOD WOOHOO! When I say 'Chinese food', you understand what I mean.

Went online at night, while Sharon studied Chemistry. Aha.

Saturday

Next morning woke up quite early and got ready to go..shopping. Haha. Followed Pegawai Hospitalily (aka Kar Suan's mum) to the market :D It was..fun, before the sun came up. Literally rubbed shoulders with (not that idiom) a lot of people. Had an awesome breakfast of Dim Sum. It was tiring to walk in a crowd of people all busy shopping for the new year, but it was also a fun experience!

Went to Mid Valley...and spent the whole day there. Woo! Met with Sharon's friend and Sharon's friend's friend (I purposely don't want to put their names because it sounds more fun that way) :P I was amazed by their friendliness,and it's fun to know that people don't need a really long time to know one another to exchange jokes and have fun.

Had an awesome lunch (ahahaaa...) of my favourite foooood. Those who know me knows the answer.

Ah, before that..had a great time in MPH hunting for books. Clearance sale. A lot of books. Who wouldn't get crazy?

Replaced my boyfriend with a new one. I shall now forget about the dead pair of jeans.

So basically the whole Saturday was shopping day. Everyone was tired. I woke up earlier than Sharon on the next morning. YAYY!

Sunday

I repeat, I woke up earlier than Sharon! Woo!

Felt like sleeping in north pole (I shall miss that tonight). We followed Kar Suan to her church, it was interesting that the sermon was the same thing shared during the last CA. For a constantly-worrying person like me, it woke me up to an answer that I've been asking myself quite frequently.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

So all these while I've been asking myself, I'm afraid that I'm not worrying when I'm supposed to be worried. Tett. Worrying and being concerned are two different things altogether.

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
Philippians 4:8-9

So I thought worrying will make me want to study more and excel more in my academics. I thought it was one factor to be considered. I was wrong. Worrying doesn't take me anywhere. I should start practising the things that I heard. People around me have been encouraging me with all sorts of words, yet I fail to give my best. I know myself. This is not me. I should put into action what God wants me to do. Time to wake up.

You know that awesome feeling when you've studied so hard, that satisfaction..although you didn't get excellent outcomes in the end..but you know that you've done your best? I want that feeling.

Went back to Akasia after lunch and some further jalan-jalan. This weekend is indeed an unforgettable one.

Not to forget that I made friends with two younger people. Yay! Being the youngest in the family, I have this habit of mixing around with older people. Weird, but quite true.

So yeah, that pretty much summarizes the things that happened this weekend. Currently imagining myself reading this in a few years to come. Hmm..interesting.

Thanks to everyone who made me smile! :)

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa...I need to pass it on!

It only takes a spark to get a fire going.
And soon all those around, can warm up in glowing.
That's how it is with God's love,
Once you've experienced it, you spread His love to everyone;
You want to pass it on.

What a wondrous time is spring, when all the trees are budding;
The birds begin to sing, the flowers start their blooming.
That's how it is with God's love;
Once you've experienced it, you want to sing
"It's fresh like spring"; you want to pass it on.

I wish for you my friend, this happiness that I've found.
You can depend on Him, it matters not where you're bound.
I'll shout it from the mountain top - PRAISE GOD
I want the world to know; the Lord of love has come to me,
I want to pass it on.

Couldn't get this out of my head since the last Prayer Meeting.

p.s. My broadband is about to reach its limit and I have a Bio report to be done. Trying hard to use it wisely. Want to upload photos, but have to think twice. Serves me right, asyik-asyik pergi YouTube.

Death of the Jeans

2012-01-18T18:10:00.001+08:00

I'm here to mourn for the loss of my beloved pair of jeans and the embarrassment I endured without even realising about it.

To cut the story short, woke up late this morning thanks to 9am class.

Grabbed my pair of jeans...

and got the shock of my life.

There was a large hole somewhere...where it isn't supposed to be.

It's funny because it's weird. And it's sad because I think it's funny and sad at the same time. And it's embarrassing but I just don't know why am I telling the whole wide world about it.

Maybe I just don't have any better stories to tell.

To be honest, first thing that came into my mind was "oh no, how am I going to live without a pair of jeans?" Ugly truth: It's my only pair of jeans that I brought here, and I'm going back in 4 months to come.

People can easily say "go buy lah!" but here's my theory:

Jeans are like boyfriends. It's hard to search for one that really suits you.

(I don't know why I keep on referring to stuffs as 'boyfirends' lately).

Jeans are either too tight, or too low-cut, or too ugly in colour (and the list goes on for a choosy person like me).

So I regret for saying a thing to my jeans that I never fulfilled - "The weather is so hot, I should have washed my jeans".

Sadly, I only realised that the second truth was uglier. I was walking around in a koyak paired of jeans yesterday. I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHO SAW ME D=

Rest in Peace inside my locker, oh you pair of jeans.

199*-2012.

Half-dead Optimism

2012-01-17T20:26:00.000+08:00

I don't have anything to say, but for the sake of updating, let me just say something.

Homeworks are piling up, and yup, I know I'm not supposed to be here. A lot of things are in my mind, voices keep ringing inside my head. Sometimes I feel great, sometimes I don't.

Normal life of a college student? Perhaps.

I don't want to sound emo because it'll sound fake because I'm not (yet) in emo state.

The way you see it, this thing follows you even when you learn Statistics.

I'm not in a philosophical mood yet, so yeah..got nothing else to say. Till we meet in another chapter.

By the way, anonymous commenter..

I want to know who you are.

2 Weeks Later

2012-01-13T13:12:00.001+08:00

Last week: "Oh!~ Everything is so far so great."

This Week...

Bio

Chem

Maths

English :D

That sums up my life so far. Trying hard to maintain the optimism.

Smell the Rain

2012-01-09T23:12:00.000+08:00

9th January 2012, 5pm, Akasia.

Just another song. Some verses don't rhyme. Inspired by the rain. Weird title, I know..but it wasn't intended to copy Yiruma's Kiss the Rain. I believe some verses also sound familiar to other songs I listened to, but I cannot recall which song :P

Anyway, here you go:

SMELL THE RAIN

(an emo-turned-happy song)

We're far apart, but I believe

When you look outside the window

Gone is your sorrow.

The chirping birds might sound all the same

but I'm among one of them

Telling you that I came.

Pre-chorus:

Enjoy the smell of the rain

The green leaves that are falling down

I'll take away all your pain

and you know, that I'm all around.

Chorus:

Hold on, put a smile

Life's too short, don't be so fragile

Smell the rain

and don't complain.

Sing, dance, feel the wind

Spin around and try to catch the leaves

No one knows

How exactly fun it feels like

Bridge:

Treasure every single memory

Laugh aloud, join the crowd

Yea, time passes by so quickly

Seasons change, there's no doubt..

Chorus

Story behind the song

Was alone, came back from college earlier than the others, so yeah. Inspiration came when it suddenly rained and my nose detected the awesome smell of the rain. Admit it. Everyone loves the smell when it's raining. I know it's not the smell of the rain itself, but gah, just simply wrote everything down after the first line appeared into my mind.

It was actually an emo-ish song at first, but turned out that the lyrics of the chorus part became a bit happy-ish, so I changed some emo lines:

"We're far apart" was originally "You're far away". Still emo, I know.

"I'll be the smell of the rain" was changed to "Enjoy the smell of the rain". Original line was...awkward, because I later said "Smell the rain and don't complain". I think you got what I'm trying to say :P

Green leaves don't fall, probably. But I don't want to change it to brown.

Actually the situation of the song was something like this: the persona (cewah..) is emo-ing and the writer is trying to make the persona happy by reminding the persona that the writer is in everything that the persona sees/feels. I was picturing the writer as a dead person actually, at first..and the writer is me.Too emo. Cannot..cannot..

Personally, I like this song. (Perasan lagi..).. :P

It's Raining..

2012-01-07T22:17:00.005+08:00

because there are people karaoke-ing across the road.

Akasians living in certain blocks will understand.

First Week (Part 2)

2012-01-07T00:22:00.000+08:00

There are still a lot of things to be written about this week, so I decided to make a second part of the 'story'.

Azreen's recently updated status reminded me of something...

Fact no.1: I was very jealous when I saw parents sending their kids back to college last Monday.

Although I was grinning all my way walking into Akasia, the huge smile and excitement didn't last long. Carrying my luggage of 30kg was enough to make me jealous of the kids who had their parents to send them into the hostel area, helped them to carry everything into their room, and even hung around with them at the car park.

After a few trips to the guard house where I left my luggage, I also had to carry back my boxes from the TV room. It was tiring. It was quite emo-ing. However I learnt something.

*beware of perasan sentences, which is about to emerge soon..*

I felt like a champion. Seriously. Honestly. (I am typing this with a serious face).

I felt that I'm a real college student, being able to pass the first test upon reaching this land of uncertainties. (Exaggerating a bit here, I know).

I felt awesomely awesome.

Allow me to do some self-motivation on my own blog, please.

...and I understood something. Sometimes you just have to believe in yourself that you can do something without having to rely on people always. Yes, sometimes you need support, but it's the moments like this when you view yourself as being capable of doing something.

That was my first perasan moment here. It made me appreciate myself more.

Adding to the perasan-ess, 4 days of muscle pain ain't bad at all yo. This is embarrassing, but I have to say I was happy to see my biceps as I faced the mirror. I'm normal. I'm normal. :P

Enough with the perasan story.

Let me think of some random things.

Aha.

"Do I look like a person with credibility?" - *arranges jacket, looks into the mirror, rushing to leave the room.*

"You look like you."

I couldn't thank Queen enough for the answer, which somehow meant something really meaningful to me despite being said in the usual Queen style.

...and joke of the week. (I don't know if anyone gets it. Should try with someone outside the house).

- If moi is porridge, then amoi should be aporridge? XP

What am I doing? I should be studying now! D=

First Week

2012-01-06T15:57:00.003+08:00

Here comes the weekly report.

Actually I wanted to wait till tomorrow to write this, but let's just leave another story for tomorrow's post. It's Friday Friday..and we were singing that song as we (gleefully) hopped off the bus this morning.

...and it seems to be a ritual to sing Pokemon's theme song for every start of the schooling (or college-ing?) season. The lyrics somehow speaks to me...

"Our courage will pull us through."

This week has been fine so far. Got my grades for last sem's finals, which ehem, made me a person of "having a complete set of grades". You know what I'm trying to say. I've remarkably stop comparing my grades with others and I believe God sees my effort and I'll have to do my best this sem. I'm not into depression (yet) and I'm planning to maintain this optimism that I'm having. (Yay!). Goodbye emo Fiona. Optimistic Fee is coming to town.

Selected photo of the day: ME HAS A VISION... :P

Got a first row seat in class, which was my target since last sem. Bwahaha. Now's the time to fight my sleepiness.

Talking about sleepiness, I'm actually quite sleepy now. Still lacking inspiration to write anything philosophical.

I...need..to...nap...........

This is Real Life

2012-01-03T17:19:00.001+08:00

AAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Screaming in delight. I guess.

Woke up from a very short evening nap feeling fully recharged. The clock seems like not moving at all. I feel great.

Went to college for registration today, which revealed both good and bad news. Good news is that there's no double period for Maths this sem, which makes me feel a bit optimistic about surviving the lessons. Bad news, my housemate is going to fast-track, which means there will only be the three of us left in the 4th sem. Feel happy for her, but sad at the same time.

Been doing nothing all evening, other than rearranging the books and changing Jing's guitar strings. How I wish the whole sem will be like this.

This kind of feeling should last forever.

Will blog more this weekend. We're gonna experiment with the new rice cooker now. Woohoo!

Back to Real Life

2012-01-01T19:35:00.001+08:00

I ain't gonna pack my things till it's 12am.

Just kidding. Actually I've started packing a few nights ago but I kinda got bored with it, so now if there's a hidden camera in the room, you can actually see how disastrous the mess is - especially when I fail to figure out what to bring and what not to bring (yup, the usual sentence used over and over again).

I also have this "Back to Akasia - The Ultimate Checklist" to ensure that I'll not forget to bring my hairbrush like before.

And I've done my research on "how to bring a guitar on an airplane" just in case something bad happens.

Now that there's a few hours left here, I'm starting to think about my future in Akasia.

No more sleeping like how I always sleep here. No more guitar-ing all day. No more perfectly-cooked vegetables (ALM people will understand) and awesome food.

...but there's one good thing..

No more forever-alone moments.

Home is awesome, but Akasia is also not bad at all when there are a lot of friends around you.

...and CA

...and the basketball court next to my block..

...and the..and the...well let's just face the new sem and figure out the rest of the good things later.

Ace ALL the topic tests and finals.

Eat ALL the food in al-awwal's menu.

Buy ALL the biscuits in Mydin.

Starting a new chapter tomorrow...let the journey begin~

The Ultimate Thank You List

2011-12-31T20:38:00.002+08:00

One rainy night in Akasia, I felt inspired to list down these things, and I promised to myself that I'm going to post it here, so here it is:

Thank you for -

1. singing together back from dinner.

2. teaching me the songs.

3. accepting my invitation.

4. asking me.

5. helping me to order food when I'm so blur ><

6. helping me to buy lunch :D

7. saying that you like my laugh.

8. teaching me the lay-up shot, over and over again.

9. allowing me to study in your room.

10. doodling together with me on the whiteboard.

11. texting me those encouraging words.

12. asking me "How are you today?"

13. approaching me when I was emo-ing.

14. smiling back.

15.helping me to print my Bio report.

16. giving me the plaster when I slipped and hurt my pinky toe ><

17. giving me the chances.

18. your jokes.

19. letting me speak.

20. being my friend.

21. forgiving me.

22. noticing at least something about me.

23. saying "hi" to me.

24. having lunch with me.

25. lending me your laptop.

26. the shoulder to cry on.

27. the gifts.

28. sitting beside me in the bus.

29. answering my questions.

30. saying that I'm good in something.

31. the pat on the back.

32. opening the door when I'm too lazy to take out my keys.

33. lending me your guitar.

34. offering to hold my books when I'm standing in the bus.

35. allowing me to join.

36. inviting me for dinner.

37. helping me to cross the road.

38. inviting me to church.

39. helping me with my Chemistry.

40. explaining the Stats questions to me.

41. spending your time to explain Maths.

42. the high-fives.

43. the tissue when I wept.

44. the hugs.

45. the char siew pau.

46. the ~~beer~~ root beer.

47. the nestle chocolate wafer.

48. the ice-skating experience.

49. the photos.

50. ...and other things which is just too impossible to list down.

People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.

I choose to remember all three.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart! :D

2011

2011-12-31T18:40:00.000+08:00

Last Year..

1. In some aspects yeah I think I've improved, in other words I did grow up. Left home and learnt to deal with a lot of things alone, with some help from awesome friends. Physically - gained weight, grew taller, so yeah..

2. Confidence..it's a huge word. I need more time. Although some good things did make me feel confident sometimes, I don't really think I'm confident in a good way.

3. Yes! :)

4. Yes! :D

5. No. I really need to improve and get back the old feeling of studying. I need to enjoy studying. Too bad I think this year I'm doing quite bad academically. I need to change.

6. Ow yeah. I always hated changes, but now I'm looking forward to (good) changes in my life. Didn't feel homesick as I thought I would feel when I first arrived in SA. Faced a lot of challenges, yeah there were tears (and sweat and blood - no kidding) which in the end revealed to me that there are a lot of things to learn when you're far away from home.

7. Friendly? I guess people became friendly to me first. I don't think I've done my best in socializing with my classmates in M8, I didn't really care, to be honest. Now that's one of the things I would like to change next year. Jing said it's important to have a close bond with classmates, and I have to admit it's very true. I don't know..some people have been very nice in my class , but I'm still looking for a real bond. Maybe I've found it, but didn't care to appreciate it? Friendship is one big thing. I thank God for the awesome friends this year, who've just simply been there for me, and I hope next year I'll be a good friend to them too.

8. Yes, did read some novels while waiting for my SPM results. After entering college I find myself reading textbooks more than I read newspapers, and weirdly now I don't even know how to read the newspaper anymore.

9. This year is an awesome guitar-ing year, I have to say. One of the reasons is that I had the chance to play a lot of guitars of different brands and from different owners. This is the first time in my life that I played so many guitars in just a few months, thanks to the awesome guitarists who had given me the chance to abuse their guitars to the max. My fingers were indeed happy to meet Takamine, SX, (two) Santa Cruz, Groovy, Yamaha F-210, J.D. Marvell. Haha.

10. Learn another language? Ghahaha, learnt how to speak in English (again). Ow yeah.

7/10. Not bad.

Wishlist...

no. 3 and no. 4 yet to be fulfilled.

So yeah, 2011 ain't bad at all! :)

Random Moments. 2011.

2011-12-28T19:27:00.005+08:00

This, (both hands on the basketball)...

is..a fadeaway shot. You take a jump shot while jumping backwards, away from the basket, like this..

*jumps backwards, throws the ball*

...AND THE BALL ENTERED THE HOOP. :O

-true story. During a basketball game with Jing one evening. Made me realise that badminton and vollleyball were just not my type of sports. :P

Nah, it wasn't a true fadeaway shot like this one, but it was among the many perasan moments I had in 2011. XD

I Read..

2011-12-27T19:36:00.001+08:00

..books..

..halfway nowadays.

And now that I'm almost reaching 19, I have this regret of not reading more books when I was in secondary school.

I used to grow up with books, having bed-time stories almost every night as a kid, borrowing up to five books from the library every week and going to the bookstore to get at least two books every month. As I get older, everything changed. Moved to an area where the nearest library isn't decent enough, books are darn expensive and the awesome state library is too far from my home. Well, I sound like complaining, but we cannot blame the people of this country for their lack of interest in reading.

As far as I can remember, I started to read less once I entered secondary school. Academic things and textbooks suddenly became the main priority. Carrying an English novel was not a style in a not-so-town-school like mine. Honestly English has forever been my favourite subject, and I love language subjects more than science and maths, but I can't state a reason why I read less other than one typical reason: I didn't have time to do so.

Gone were the days when I can just finish a novel in one sitting.

I believe that if I had read more during my early teen years, I could probably write way better than this now. I had a very good, steady start as a young kid, alas I didn't continue with it. So kids, pick up a book today. Before you get old like me and start questioning yourself.

And yeah, I keep on jumping from one book to another after reading each book halfway this holiday. Me too lazy or the books are too boring? :X

Just an Old Song

2011-12-26T02:49:00.003+08:00

..which reminds me about quite a number of things..like..

- how I used to like Simple Plan's songs.

- how I listened to a lot of their songs when I was in my early teen years. Ouch. That made me sound old.

- my dreams of jamming with a bunch of people like in the MV lol.

- and ah, this is my type of music haha.

- I am obviously being nostalgic again.

- and showing signs of talking to myself.

******

Been uninspired to blog. Trying hard to minimise my time online. In other words, trying to get a real life, and enjoying the true meaning of Christmas.

Feeling..errr..

2011-12-21T01:51:00.003+08:00

NOSTALGIC

adjective

experiencing or exhibiting nostalgia, a sentimental or wistful yearning for the happiness felt in a former place, time, or situation.

*************************

Idon't know what's wrong, maybe it's just because we're coming towards the endof 2011, these past few days I've been reminiscing probably too much of the olddays. Reading my inbox and sent items make me feel like reading a diary - Ihave messages dated back before SPM, during SPM, the holidays, the interviews,old birthday wishes, MDS stories...

...whichmade me smile.

Thisafternoon the drama playing on TV happened to play the song 'Kau Ilhamku', andah, it brought back that funny feeling. It was the first song that I learnt onmy guitar.

'Aishiteru',the hit song before SPM among the boys in my class seems to never die. I lostcount of how many times I listened to it on the bus to college, and when Ireturn here, it seems to follow me. That's enough to remind me of the videoGab, Mav and Arbut recorded before Add Maths class. I watched it again a fewnights ago and it was a wrong decision. I almost cried. No one can deny thefact that your Form 5 classmates are among the awesomest people you meet inyour lifetime.

TonightI suddenly remembered of Peterpan's songs, picked up my guitar and played a fewof them.

Sometimesit's just weird how songs can bring back those old feelings which make youappreciate on how you've spent your teen years. Honestly my secondary schoollife was not that bad, despite the fact that I kept on looking for the meaningof true friendship, I realise that I spent my time with a lot of differentpeople and was never really close to a particular friend. When the time camefor us to know each other well, we separate classes. New bonds start to formevery year. And now everyone is moving on with new bunch of people.

That'swhen you feel like opening your old album, skimming through the pictures andwondering what are these people doing now. When you're thinking of them, dothey even remember you? Perhaps they don't ever care to think about thosememories. And that's what soon make you realise on such a fool you are forstill dwelling in the past when everyone has started to carry on with theirlives.

Butstill the photos give you some sort of happiness as if you're living it onceagain.

Isomehow like the idea of the old days when we develop photos and not just storethem in the digital form. Like what had happen to my hard disc, it causedalmost all of my Sem 1 photos to be gone just like that. Nothing beats thefeeling of holding and looking at a photo in a true, real photo form. I even felt a bit nostalgic (eventhough the memories have nothing to do with me) when I looked at my dad's oldpictures in the 70's and early 80's. Hmm..now imagine what are we going toleave for our children and grandchildren to see in the future if we lose thedigital form?

...soyou thought only songs and pictures made me feel nostalgic? Gah.

YouTubeis also a place that can bring some sort of sentimental feeling. Don't tell meyou can't feel anything when you watch and listen to videos like the theme songof Pokemon or some random video you watched years ago which suddenly appearedin your mind once more.

Idunno what's happening to me, seriously.

Ifeel..that I feel too much, sometimes.

Happy 3rd Birthday!!

2011-12-20T01:34:00.000+08:00

Day 29

2011-12-16T21:17:00.000+08:00

Thinking about the future...

"Download a lot of movies now..then watch it when you're alone during Chinese New Year break."

Huh. Nice suggestion, sis.

So yeah, I'm currently downloading movies. And past papers. And songs. Enjoying the fast internet connection to the max while I still can.

The question now is..should I go back during the Chinese New Year holidays? Arghh. Can't imagine being alone in Akasia. In the same time, I want to save money especially after realising how much I've spent all these while.

Planning to not go back at all next sem. Upgrading of being far away from home for 5 months. I don't know if it's a good idea, to wait till the end-of-sem holidays to finally go back. It's not that bad to be in Akasia, but if others are not around during the break, I'll feel emo-er than ever.

...and when I see the academic calender, it crushes my heart. Next sem looks short. There's going to be a lot of things to learn. I shall make full use of the holidays.

So I'm not coming home...till May.

I will survive.

That Feeling is Gone :D

2011-12-14T21:36:00.000+08:00

Yeah it's impressive that my feelings are as changeable as the weather :P Anyway, I was browsing through some songs in my files and then I suddenly remembered one song...

that made me smile.

An awesome cover by one YouTuber:

Ah, reminds me of those good old days in ISCF Penrissen.
..and the fact that no, I am not alone. :)

That Feeling

2011-12-14T19:36:00.000+08:00

GO AWAY LAHHHHH

Why does the slightest breeze gives me such a chill?

Cold

2011-12-13T02:25:00.001+08:00

It's a cold and lonely night

and I'm sitting at the bedside.

There's something making me feel not right

but there's nothing I can do to fight.

I put my headphones on

and the music starts to play

The title is 'Our Song'

but hey, where are you today?

This feeling strikes again

as I try hard to ignore

It feels like walking in the rain

alone, just like before.

Gah. Cold. Cannot sleep. Feeling emo.

Day 26

2011-12-13T00:07:00.000+08:00

Oh no moments.

Mistakes.

Hmm.

Report. Day 25.

2011-12-11T22:04:00.001+08:00

Yikes. Time flies.

Finally got some fresh air today. Managed to force myself to sleep early last night (if you call 2am early). Before eventually falling asleep, the only thing that I realised was the clock which was showing 4am. Hmm..2 hours of trying to fall asleep...

Talking about fresh air..well..I can count the days when I came out of home since the day I came here. Uh? What happened to my English. :/ sentence sounds confusing to me. Went to various places today, including this ~~weird~~ interesting shop.

Probably this made it interesting.

Nothing special actually. It was rather annoying to me, walking in a crowd of people, ehem, to be specific - in India Street. Seemed that everyone passing by was smoking. That's my problem.

Anyway, these are the things which I've done during the past few days:

Photographing Kitty and hating her for being cute. Also hating the fact that I don't have a better camera to snap her elegant poses.

Helped my mum a little bit, as usual. She asked me to help with these leaves, too bad I dunno how to describe what the heck is this vegetable and what did I do to it. Oh snap, this sounds so wrong. I was actually quite lazy to help :P but after seeing this...

No problemo.

Mum said I had this face called "ka ka enggai" while helping her, which literally means want want don't wan't. So it basically means something in between want and don't want. In other words, I wanted to help her, but I in the same time I didn't want to. Hmm. How could that be possible? o.O

Anyway, today I found something quite nostalgic.

I thought they have stopped selling these.

Been ages since I last saw these sweets. Lol.

Some other good news, I started doing some revision on Bio and Chemistry. OHH TEARSS OF JOYYY :') Suddenly had this feeling to study. Planning to go ahead with the coming chapters in Sem 2 so I won't be so blur next year. Ah I feel good saying it out here, so that if I fail to accomplish this plan, I'm gonna embarrass myself yeehaaa.

Hmm. Let me think of other things..ah, the drawing which I wanted to show:

Don't be fooled. Me no good in drawing. Me traced it X)

...I also went to the music shop once again today, and now I suddenly remember (the picture reminded me) that I actually wanted to buy a (cheap) pair of drumsticks :/ how did I ever forget? Ended up buying something else. Ngahaha.

Well I guess this is how I should end this 'report'.

I feel alive today.

and I shall feel alive too tomorrow.

uh?

3 Weeks...

2011-12-07T16:47:00.001+08:00

Three weeks of doing nothing

equals to 21 days saying "oh no!"

After days and nights guitar-ing

I realise there's just another 3 (and a half) weeks to go..

Another failed attempt of writing a ermm..poem? After blogwalking I suddenly thought of writing something today..something that I'll be able to read in the future that records what have I done during my first semester holidays. You see, all these while I've been over-focusing on writing things that don't reflect what I do at all. No ramblings like I used to do (a lot) before college life. I somehow miss the time when I was a crazy kid, participated more in class, writing almost everything that I experienced in school (not here but in my journal of course), those days when I worry less but seem to be genius enough to not study all day..those days when people called me Fee instead of my real name..and the days I acted lame most of the time...

This holiday I feel the need to recover to my own self. Looking back, actually I didn't really be myself last semester. I'm more than what people see. The truth is, I've been trying to hard to be as good as others last sem, and I only notice about this fact when I'm here at home. It hurts. I see too many people with amazing personalities and it sucks when I think I want to be like them. It doesn't make me any better, it just made me lose confidence even more than before.

I've also realised that people with a high level of confidence don't really think of what others think of them. Or maybe they don't think too much (or probably feel too much). And living this life with a lot of uncertainties in relationships and friendships is quite torturing.

ARGHHHH WHY AM I SO EMO?

Gah. Now I think I should start to recall what have I done for the past three weeks. It's so unbelievable that I have only another 3.5 weeks of relaxing. At first it was quite difficult to adapt to home (I kept on comparing things here with Akasia until my sister became so fed up of listening). However it's magnificent (or err...terrible?) to see that old habits seem to arise again and discipline deteriorates very easily. Very very easily.

Guitar-ing has become funner that ever before with the callus growing back on my fingers. Woohoo. Gone were the days when pressing the fretboard made me feel like a beginner once more. Honestly, before I leave this world, there are three things (related to guitar) I would love to achieve, 1. Jam on a rooftop. 2. Jam with a friend or a bunch of guitar enthusiasts, novice or intermediate I don't care..it's the passion that matters most. 3. Buy an electric guitar. A cheap, fake one would do well, but if I become rich, Fender Strat, Gibson Les Paul and Gretsch something ( I don't know the specific name of model but it looks like this:)

*atempt to upload picture failed*

Arghhh I was actually about to upload some pictures and write less, but what to do..I've been trying for more than an hour =='' ...and now it's raining cats and dogs in Kuching yo! Reminds me of the lazy days of walking out for dinner during the study leave in you-know-where.

Basically I've forgotten on what to say after wandering to YouTube, so yeah, till we meet again in another chapter. Astalavista baby.

Eh wait -- after googling, I found out it's supposed to be...hasta la vista, baby.

o.O

Wowww :O

2011-12-06T03:32:00.001+08:00

Since I said hello to college life, I haven't been following any news about the Thai entertainment industry. Therefore you can say that I'm a bit left behind on the current updates...including this one...

Ehem. A Fender Strat..yeah..??

Look who's playing ittttt!!!!!

Yeah, a seven year old boy. I don't know much about this boy, just happened to watch his MV on YouTube yesterday night. At first I didn't really care..but then when I watched him playing solo, oh wow. I became speechless. He somehow reminds me of the kid in School of Rock. Well it's not surprising that there are many other guitar prodigies out there after all.

It's just funny to read a comment on YouTube staying something like "Ah, I'm 16 and I haven't even played an electric guitar before." I played an electric guitar for not more that a minute a week before I reached 18, but that doesn't count because it's a fake Stratocaster. This kid is so cool to experience such achievement at a very young age.

I don't know if it's just me, but *ehem*, he looks hot in this picture LOL.

Awwwww :D

He sure is enjoying the attention that he's getting, hope he's gonna grow up like other kids :P

I can see that this kid is enjoying very much on what he's doing, and you can tell that he has a true interest in playing. Well I hope he'll become successful in the future.

Nong Mark's MV. I think I'm in love with this kid *_*

..and yeah, I've watched some other clips of him playing live. It's really him who's playing.

Bwahaha!

2011-12-05T01:17:00.001+08:00

ps. Yes, I'm a fan of Zits since secondary school :D

December

2011-12-03T02:40:00.001+08:00

Two words: Cold and laziness.

One month to go..before these carefree moments end.

No wonder Taylor Swift said she'll go back to December all the time :P

ILY :)

2011-12-02T02:12:00.001+08:00

I've been thinking of this since I came back here and I have this feeling that tells me to express it out...and since December has just started, I must tell it out here so that in the future I can smile as I reread this post.

It's funny how a person's heart can just change in a few months, or is it more correct if I say it's amazing how God can change a person's heart in just a short while? Yes, I feel...that I feel too much, or you can say I feel a lot, I feel more than I think.

I'm glad I've changed. I'm glad that I look at you in a different perspective now.

...and it's never too late to love.

I love you, and someday I'll make you proud.

Misusing "Sorry"

2011-11-30T16:47:00.001+08:00

"Hello, bla bla bla (name of organisation/office) here, may I speak to Mr. Mazlan?"

"Huh? Mazlan? Sorry, wrong number." *thinks for a while*...maybe I listened wrongly (self-monologue).

*Speaks again* "Uh, Mr. Mazlan izit?"

"Yes, yes."

"Ooh sorry sorry, wrong number. Sorry."

"Oh, OK."

Tuttt tuttt tutttt.

**********

Now I realise that it's true, I have this disorder of saying sorry too much in inappropriate occasions. Why on earth did I have to say sorry to the one who made a wrong phone call asking for a person I don't even know, to the one who caused me to pause my MV on my laptop and to run to the door, checking if it's a miss call to indicate someone's been knocking while I'm not listening ==''

Sorry la, that's why I never love answering phone calls, especially on the house phone ==''

Non-fiction Fiction

2011-11-26T23:02:00.001+08:00

[You'll get a weird title when you try to think of something creative.]

Max loves to collect things. After buying or getting something, he always end up buying more of the same stuff just because he simply loves seeing them arranged in a series. Take for example comics, stamps, trading cards, erasers, guitar picks...and...guitars.

However this time he thinks purchasing a new guitar is not just for fun, not just because he loves collecting items but rather because of a few factors which he have put into consideration. First, his very first guitar is too hard to play. It doesn't sound nice to be played in front of others. It's also his first true love and he won't be bringing it out of the house. It's too valuable to be taken miles away from home, despite the fact that it's cheaper than your grandpa's handphone.

His second love, the guitar that he really really loves (and probably his most valuable non-electronic item in the room) is too big. It's heavy too, so dreaming of it to become a travel guitar is not a wise thing to do.

Max has been thinking of this for a long time. He needs one because he's shy of borrowing from others in college. He wants one to keep him entertained when time gets tough. He wants to sing praises and play guitar, simply because that's the only moment that he feels he's at least good in something (although the fact of being good is not quite true). He knows that he isn't rich, and he wouldn't want disturb a single sen in his account for the guitar. To fast forward the story, let's just say that Max miraculously got enough money to buy a decent guitar.

It's was impressive how Max managed to bargain for it, thanks to mum's voice which kept on ringing in his mind, reminding him of every moment in the past when he simply agreed to any price without showing any effort of bargaining. After building up some courage, he asked for free items. "Oh, of course, yes! You'll be given a free pick!", the salesperson said. Max grinned. Choosing for a nice, thin pick, a white one finally grabbed his attention. He wanted one more - remember he loves collecting things? So he tried his luck. "You'll give me only one free pick?, he asked. "Take one more!", shockingly, the lady gave him the answer he was waiting for.

He chose red this time, and his heart couldn't stop singing gleefully.."I have two new free picks..I have two new free picks!" He quickly inserted them into his wallet, in the same compartment like his identity card and Kad Rabbit.

...so after that Max went loitering around the mall before stepping into the bookstore to search for something to be read during the holidays. He bought a novel, paid for it at the counter, and...the moment he opened his wallet, he did a huge mistake...which he didn't realise...

**********************

"OHHH NOOOO WHERE'S MY WHITE GUITAR PICK???", Max exclaimed as he opened his wallet again that very same evening, hours after he left the bookstore. His brothers blamed him. "You should have kept them in the coin compartment, silly", they said.

So it was is fault. Not to forget that over a year ago, he took a pick which he found in front of the school hall. Someone in the bookstore might have taken his lost pick too.

**********************

Moral of the story: Have you ever lose your marbles? Well, it's nothing compared to losing a free, new guitar pick.

Based on a very true story.

...of a person who is not named Max.

I Got My Laptop Back

2011-11-24T14:13:00.001+08:00

...and it's as good as new.

Currently installing this and that, hunting for old Form 5 pictures which I stored in my sister's laptop, and feeling sleepy of waiting for these downloads and installations to finish.

Hmm.

Your Questions (Finally Answered)

2011-11-23T14:17:00.001+08:00

OK, rather than drifting away with the emo-ness I guess it's better for me to write about some thoughts like I used to do before. This is another critical thinking post - something you only get to see once or twice in a year.

I've been bombarded with a lot of questions which to me, requires a level of critical thinking and precaution. It's not that the questions were too hard to answer, but it's rather because I don't have the skills (or you can say wisdom) to talk seriously. Yes, I can be very professional in talking crab. And yes, I know you've just noticed a spelling mistake there. Thank you.

There are reasons why I avoid certain questions. Reason number one is I need a lot of time to think, because I know I always get things wrong. And normally I will notice about how wrong I was hours after I answer the question.

Here are some questions which I've avoided:

1. Don't you feel warm with that sweater on?

Yes I do, but not to the point that my sweat glands play their function and I have to take it off. Honestly I find comfort and warmth when I have it on, maybe due to the idea that the pockets actually hide my hands whenever I'm nervous and (weirdly) the sweater itself gives me some sort of confidence because it makes me feel cool. You may not know that it's also part of my attempt to look like a street kid. Not to forget that I'm trying to hide my ugly t-shirts too. As absurd as it may sound, yes, those are the reasons why I never take the sweater off even when I have my dinner/walk under the afternoon sun.

2. Are you excited of flying to (insert name of country here)?

Yes I am excited. I was once excited till I told someone that my two other friends and I are going to "end up together in (insert name of country here)". And he answered me back, saying "no, you may not end up in (that country). We know someone who didn't make it". After that incident, I tried to say things with full precaution, afraid that my over-excitedness might lead me towards giving inappropriate answers and statements. The truth is, if I was being myself that day, I would have said something else.

3. Why are you relaxing when everyone in the house is studying?

Because I'm studying when you guys are relaxing! XD To be honest I've been asking the same question to myself too. It's hard to tell whether you're effort is enough or not when you see other people's way of studying. I guess my first semester wasn't really about seeing myself struggle in academics but seeing myself struggle with my own feelings which most of the time make me feel angry of myself. "Am I doing my best?" is the question that I never seem to manage to answer. I know that I can absorb things pretty well when I enjoy doing it, and I believe everyone else does. Thus I don't like the term forcing oneself to study. I've went through the days when studying was very enjoyable and the mood to study came naturally to me. I'm not sure if it still applies to college life, but I believe that I have my own pace in certain things.

Geniuses. Hmm.

There you have it!
Your questions...finally answered.

I Hate This Feeling

2011-11-23T14:05:00.001+08:00

Day 6.

Equals to day 5 of being alone till the evening. Yes, I have a laptop (which is not mine anyway), a TV, books and even my guitar with me, but nothing can replace a someone to talk to.

I used to enjoy being alone at home. Now not anymore.

I Feel Like Saying Something

2011-11-22T01:10:00.001+08:00

I'm sleepy but I refuse to sleep. I need to say something before I sleep tonight. At least something. The problem is, I have a lot of things to say, but I don't know where to start and what should I not say.

I've just realised that I talk too much to myself all these while.

And I've also realised that the perfect moment to blog about a sudden inspiration is on the moment itself. I have at least three different things to write (type?) out here, things that I've been thinking about before I left You-Know-Where. After some time I don't even know when is the perfect timing to say it out. Now is either too late, or too early considering that the new year is still quite far ahead.

So what am I talking about? Nothing.

Holidays So Far

It's weird when you even need time to adapt yourself to your own home.
It's weird when advertisements on TV seem to be more entertaining than the drama that your sister is watching.
It's weird when you finally get to hold a knife
...and cook for yourself whenever you're hungry.
It's weird when you suddenly find yourself feeling bored without companion.
It's not so weird to find out that discipline can deteriorate in just a few days.
It's funny that Akasia actually does teach me to become selfish. Here I find it ~~annoying~~ funny that there is an endless pile of clothes waiting to be folded by someone who has been folding an average of ten t-shirts per week (rough estimation, I hate numbers).
It's cool to hear pigeons instead of crows in the morning.
It's weird that I don't have any interest to read the newspaper anymore...
It's weird that I miss you.

Who is you? I don't know. You to me is a lot of people..those who have brought me through the tough moments this sem. Those who have shown to me how weak I am. Those who have just simply been there. This sounds so...

I sense emo-ness.

Should I stop here?

Goodbye :(

2011-11-17T22:33:00.001+08:00

This is not going to be an emo post.

Or probably it will be? I'm going to say goodbye to:

My pictures...(almost) ALL of my Sem 1 pictures. I SHOULD HAVE UPLOADED ALL OF 'EM ON FB.
My pictures...those awesome (and not so awesome) shots. ARGGHHH.
The MVs which I've downloaded from YouTube, most of them are not on YouTube anymore due to copyright issues.
My important documents. Yes, they are important.
My novel (or story?) which I've typed before starting my college life. I've already typed out ONE CHAPTER. Was hoping to continue it. Have to start again from scratch :/
My guitar covers. Lol I don't mind about that.
My Form 3-5 pictures. I hope I still have them in my pen drive :P
My movies lol. I don't mind..I don't mind..*breathes in*

OK OK..stop remembering about those things..I better forget them all...and smile, if possible GRIN because I'm going to get back my laptop like the first condition I got it. Empty. Hoho. Nothing could be done to save the data inside. They're going to replace the hard disk. Replace. Not even reformat.

*starts to breathe in and thinks positively...*

At least everything is going to be free of charge. Still I cannot accept the fact that MY SEM 1 PICTURES ARE GONE. OH NOOOOOOOOOO.

Back to Blogging

2011-11-17T02:02:00.001+08:00

First of all, I just wanna thank God for the amazing journey back home. Time passed by pretty quickly, it didn't feel like I had been waiting for so long to step my feet on the grounds of this island. Finished reading four Slam Dunk comics while waiting and spent the remaining time enjoying the wifi. Well, it was certainly a long road, twisting turning back home (quoting Silly Fools' song) :P

Kindness of Strangers

I don't know if I have any nerdy-innocent-looking look, but seeing how kind strangers can be is just so awesome. As I was struggling to put my two bags in the plane's luggage compartment (which was apparently full), a woman gave me an idea to fit them in between her bags. She spoke Mandarin to me and I acted as if I understood. Then it was amazing how her husband immediately stood up from his seat to help me do everything. I soon realised how short I am, and how terribly nervous I can be when I'm alone.

That was not the only help received in the plane. As we arrived, the same man and woman helped to pass my bag to me. And the man who sat next to me also helped me to put on my laptop bag.

Thinking back, I feel like a kid - it made me feel funny and filled with awe at the same time. People can be that kind.

Home (and some random stuffs)

I discovered that there are some cosmetic thingies on my study table. My sister has been invading my territory!
The fretboard of my guitar had fungi.
Apparently my stories were too long to be told in one night, I didn't know where to start and where to end.
I can't sleep tonight! Feeling like doing everything as if the holiday is ending soon.
Kitty still recognises me. She did that same old face when I made some funny faces to her.
The air here feels so weird.
It's so awesome to finally use a laptop like your own one lol.

I'll be back to blogging during this 6.5 weeks period of time! Woohoo. It feels good to talk to myself and expressing it into something that I can see. Yeah I sound weird :P

Will be posting some stuffs which have been stuck in my mind since ( I don't know since when). The truth is, I can never blog freely in an open space like the college computer lab. It feels like eyes are looking at me while actually nobody is that nosey. Yeah I can be that perasan.

Overslept and Overspelt

2011-11-01T11:51:00.002+08:00

It is proven that two hours of sleep is enough to severely affect your spelling skills.

In order to kill my guilt of wasting the whole morning (and afternoon, ~~and evening~~ ) of yesterday, I attempted something that I alwayssss do back in home. I decided not to sleep. The plan went perfectly smooth for a few hours until 3.45am. By 4am, everything in my Bio book looked like Cuneiform. So I decided to sleep..

and my plan to wake up at 6.30am failed. Replying to Kar Suan's message, I typed..

"Aiyoh, I overspelt".

Anyways, I still managed to drag myself to college with red eyes and finally completed my Daphnia report! Yay! Now I can start focusing on revising everything. Done with daphnia! :D

Oh wow, it's already November..

I Don't Know Why Am I Posting This

2011-10-22T13:33:00.001+08:00

I see people grinning as they leave their seats.

Ten rows in front of me were empty. I took a glance around. I was not the only one left. I tried harder and harder to get a flashback of what I've read earlier, yet still I couldn't remember anything. My mind was empty, I had no feelings at all. As I continued to look at the ceiling and act as if I'm drumming, I didn't even feel nervous or worried.

Ethics was not that bad after all.
I still can't get the idea of why did I come out of the old library earlier than I've expected.

So goodbye Ethics! Till we meet again next sem! Bwahaha.

Reporting live from the library.

Worrying

2011-10-10T13:26:00.000+08:00

I know it's such a negative title to start with in this month of October. I can't believe it's my first post of this month.

I'm just feeling worried that I'm not worrying when I'm supposed to feel worried. This feeling is just so hard to understand >.<

Latest News!

2011-09-28T16:21:00.003+08:00

Reporting live from the library's computer lab!

Ethics test just now was awesome woohoo! Core Maths was also cooool! Okay, I was kidding. :P

I should be depressed by now, thinking back on how I ruined the whole thing. I did study for Maths the whole day yesterday, I did read some notes for Ethics, but it seems like I didn't do good enough.

Chemistry and Biology will be next week. I don't want to repeat the same mistake. Why am I still spending time to go online now? Why am I still logging in to you-know-where? Why? WHYYYY? I also don't know why. I just think I deserve to have a little bit of fun while waiting for ko-pln to start hahaa.

I should go now.

Bye.

Life So Far

2011-09-19T11:03:00.002+08:00

I have to admit life's been tough these past few days.

My laptop died again.

My weekend was miserable.

I have a Bio report to be done and I'm basically wasting my time on other things because I don't have a laptop (what an excuse).

I get jealous when seeing other people have entertainment on their laptops.

I'm in the computer lab, trying to log into fb for a few times already but still fail to do so. I'm not gonna give up yo!

I know there's a reason God kept me alive despite all of these depressing moments (though it might not sound depressing to you). I've been slowly learning to be thankful not just when good things happen. Sometimes we just tend to praise God only when we face good things. When problems arise, we give up. I'm more less like that, but I can see myself walking a path of thankfulness for whatever condition life throws to me. I'm learning to feel OK even when things seem to be not OK.

I know that day my laptop didn't die immediately because God knew it was an emergency. I really needed the slides. This time I don't really need it. Bio reports can still be done by using the computers in computer labs found everywhere in this place. If situations get worse, I can still borrow from others (this is definitely my last option lol).

So...my weekend was a bit miserable at first because I was feeling a bit lonely and I didn't have a laptop to log into fb to just talk to somebody. I was left with two options: sleep or revise. I chose to talk to God. I said I needed just someone to talk to. The next day, help came. It was as easy as that. The following day He also provided me friends, making me realise that hey, my simple request two nights ago was fulfilled. I now I have a reason to start this week with a smile.

I've never been nice to people in my entire life. Seeing how amazing God's love is in this place, it makes me ponder...how can I pay back what I've received? All these while I keep on receiving and receiving yet still not giving. Well maybe someday I'll know.

Thinking back of last week, I think I've learnt a lot. In fact I think the most valuable lessons so far came from a lot of things that happened after the Raya break. I won't be shocked if one day I think back of all these days and notice how much I've changed.

So yeah, still can't log into fb. Never mind then. I have to start doing my Bio report :)

When I Can't Endure in Silence

2011-09-12T20:54:00.000+08:00

After a few months being in this place, I can't even answer one simple question -

Am I an introvert, or an extrovert?

Had a personality test during English this afternoon. It made me think hard on what kind of person I am actually. The problem is I can be both hyper and quiet. When I laugh too much, I don't feel right after that, especially when I think back on how hyper I was. The problem is when I talk too much, I tend to say something wrong. However, when I don't talk at all, I don't feel right. And I can't approach people first to start a conversation. People have to be friendly to me first, then there comes my insanity following afterward.

So I guess I'm just something in between.

Whatever.

By the way, it's already 4 days since the 'laptop incidence'. Nothing wrong has happened again since then. It might sound so insignificant to you, but yeah it means a lot to me :)

He is Awesome

2011-09-10T00:56:00.001+08:00

I HAVE to blog about this.

Yesterday it was supposed to be my turn to present my English decision making speech. The night before, I did some final touch up to my slides and finished doing so quite early, around 10.30pm. Feeling nervous but quite ready to face the next day, I went to bed without the slightest knowledge on what will happen the next day. All I knew that I just couldn't wait for the evening to come, as it was going to be my first time experience of serving for CA.

The next morning (yesterday), everything was as normal, I got ready earlier than any other days and felt so excited to start the day. After the prayer meeting, we went to our respective classrooms and as for my class, we immediately started the presentation. I knew my turn was going to be quite late, so I relaxed first and decided to just switch on my laptop when my turn came.

Right before my turn, I switched on my laptop and guess what had happened. I had problem with my laptop, it could be switched on but couldn't enter the system. After some failed attempts to solve the problem, I gave up and accepted the fact. I thank God we had not enough time for everyone to present the speeches, so we had to continue it the next day (which is today). My mind was thinking about a lot of things. People were asking me whether I backed up my slides in my pen drive. Then I realised what a huge mistake which I've made. I didn't do so. Everything was so unexpected.

With anger and despair (and feeling worried), I didn't know what to do but to blame myself and the Ethics presentation we had the day before. I felt like blaming someone and releasing my anger to someone, but because there was no one, I had to just keep everything inside. I walked out from the classroom (as we had to go to the lab after that), feeling really bad. From far, I saw my friend Kar Suan at the corridor. Thinking back of what had happened, I just knew God provided me a shoulder to cry on without me even asking for it. It was not coincidence that Kar Suan was standing there. I immediately went to her and told her everything. I didn't even realise that tears were flowing down my cheeks. She gave me a hug, saying that everything will be OK. I just don't know what I was feeling that time, I guess it was a mixture of feelings which made me feel awful.

I walked alone to the lab, but turned back and saw my classmates Fatin and Nadiah a few metres right behind me. They showed me that they also cared about what had happened, after asking me to cheer up, they suggested some solution to my problem. In the Bio lab, I couldn't even smile as I was worrying too much. How am I going to do all of my future assignments without my laptop. More importantly, how am I going to present my speech the next day?

That afternoon, I was in the same bus with Kar Suan. When we reached hostel, she offered me her help, which is to redo my slides using her laptop. So I followed her to her house, feeling quite bad for troubling a friend. After about an hour, I managed to do a decent presentation (did it halfheartedly), still thinking of my slides which I've prepared earlier which were far better than that one. I kept on questioning why? Why did such thing happen to me? Then Kar Suan's answer awakened me. It's OK, this is God's way to let me share His love to you. I thought of it again and I felt embarrassed for my previous feelings of anger and worry, as if there was no solution to the problem.

When I returned to my house, everybody haven't returned from class yet, so I was alone, thinking more about what had happened. I needed someone to talk to, but I didn't want to worry my mum, so I called my sister. It didn't even make me feel better as her remarks worried me more and made me blame myself more than before. So I called my mum, thinking that only her voice can calm me down. As I told her everything, I cried again. It was such a bad feeling.

I finished my conversation and there was still nobody with me in the house. It made me feel lonely and as if no one cares. Then something struck me. I forgot to do something. Talk to God. Since He promised to hear us whenever we cry out to Him, I knew that He is my only hope. So I prayed, saying everything that came across my mind. One of my main worries was not being able to serve for CA cheerfully that night. I didn't want that to happen. So I prayed more and more until my housemate Queen returned from class. Her presence in the house made me feel OK and I slowly forgot about the laptop for a while.

That evening, right after my other housemate Jing (whom I call a genius and tech-savvy person) returned from class, I asked her to check on what was happening to my laptop. After several attempts, in just a few seconds, the laptop was able to be switched on normally, as if nothing had happened before. The first thing that came across my mind was what I had asked God in my prayers that afternoon. Immediately, I took my pen drive and backed up the presentation that I needed. I praise Him for listening to my prayers and giving me that chance to back up what I really needed.

That night I gave my all during CA, praising Him as I knew that He has done something special to me before that CA gathering. I didn't even think of my worries anymore for the whole night.

And yeah, I woke up this morning as usual, but with some thoughts that the same problem might occur again today. However, I wasn't so worried because the slides that I needed were in my pen drive and I can borrow any laptops from my classmates later on. My thoughts weren't wrong, as I tried to switch it on this morning, the same problem happened. But this time I learnt my lessons. I managed to present my speech using my classmate's laptop. As I returned home, I tried to switch it own again but nothing happened. So guess what? If yesterday he heard my prayer and answered it, why not I continue to pray today? Therefore I prayed again, this time with more faith as I know what happened yesterday was not a coincidence. This evening, after several attempts (again), it came back to normal again, and I switched it on again tonight, hence I am here, typing this out to share how awesome He is. It might be a small story to you, but for me, it is something remarkable to know that God showed his love and care through people who are close to where you are, and when you feel like there's no solution to your problem, He's actually there to give you a solution.

Good night :)

The Journey Back

2011-09-06T17:04:00.002+08:00

It's Tuesday today! I can't believe I didn't even touch my laptop yesterday! Here I am to narrate my adventures back to this place where mornings are so long, yet evenings and nights are so short :P hope you got the message.

Didn't feel really emo as the car left the house. Perhaps because of the nap right after returning from church haha. Felt like I forgot something, and yep I was correct. I forgot my hairbrush. Let's just skip these not so important details.

Time went by pretty fast. After taking lots of pictures, all I realised that I was already in the plane, once again sitting beside the window (woohoo!) with two other guys at the same row. Perhaps it was some sort of delayed emotion, I only felt something wrong during that time, right after the plane began to move. To be honest, tears were glistening in my eyes for no apparent reason. Maybe it's fear or perhaps it's the feeling of disappointment for not being able to wake up late again after this. I did drop a tear and quickly wiped it away with my sweater. I knew it was just some silly feelings playing a prank on me. I'm not that sad to leave my hometown. There are a lot of things which I'm looking forward to here. That doesn't include studies and assignments.

And yeah like my secondary school senior told me before, flights are boring. I didn't feel any excitement like what I've experienced during my first flight this year lol. Slept and woke up for a few times within the 1 hour and 45 minutes journey. It was a cloudy day and it wasn't fun when the plane kept on hitting the clouds. There was one terrifying moment when the plane felt like falling (kids in front were so excited, giggling and saying it felt like being in a roller coaster). My immediate reaction was to grab something close to me (luckily not the guy's arm beside me) and it was actually funny that we both held the chair handle (or whatever you call it) spontaneously. After that I came to realise that kids are more courageous than adults. While my heart felt as if it had jumped out of my throat, the kids were giggling. Talk about the fear of dying too early. Hah.

I am not supposed to take any pictures. I didn't know the rules until a guy signaled us not to do so.

Nothing special happened when we arrived, unlike the moment when we reached Kuching with huge grins on our faces. No one's there too pick us up. We haven't even really arrived yet. So yeah, no sigh of relief.

Reached kolej at about 5.30pm. Felt empty inside out. With an empty stomach and empty heart, I forced myself to act cool. I succeeded until today. Still cool and alive. Every individual has a reason for his or her journey. I have one too. And yeah big girls don't cry.

Get ready for another sequel of this journey. Heh.

Dramatic enough?

Back in a Few Hours

2011-09-04T00:41:00.001+08:00

Bye bye cozy bed. Say hello to bantal yang keras macam batu (yeah I'm okay with that, it's just the way I describe it). Bio report. Done. Ethics presentation. Completed it a few minutes ago. English speech. Alamak.

Oh well, now I realise how much I've procrastinated. I blame myself for my laziness. Lessons leart: do your homework during the first few days of your holiday. You'll never regret.

I'm afraid.

Afraid that I forgot to complete one of my homeworks. I'm forgetful and lazy. What a combination.

Afraid that I'll feel homesick when I return to you-know-where tomorrow. My feelings are unpredictable yo.

Afraid that the flight ticket for my end-of-sem is going to be too expensive. Have to book quickly eh.

Holiday has been awesome, but I'm not going to go far with this type of lifestyle. Two sleepless nights because of Bio report (it was fun yo!). Playing Angry Birds (now I know how fun it is!). Relaxing is fun, but it's not cool. I need some self-discipline in my life XD

So yeah. Fourteen hours left.

Day 4

2011-08-28T21:49:00.004+08:00

Or is it Day 5?

Finally went to somewhere today! :P Church this morning was awesome! Good to see familiar faces again (although I miss the familiar faces in you-know-where too!). Try to guess where did I go after that? Tadaaaa~

I have no idea why did they decorate the stage like that. Hari Raya theme? Maybe.

The answer to my own question. I went to da good ol' Spring! Kuchingites love tHe Spring! (Well, I assume).

I dunno what happened to me. Suddenly snapping random pictures.

Bringing my habit in the land of you-know-where back to my hometown.

Seriously (I think) these 2 cute guys are new stuffs. Never seen them before.

I never noticed this before. You-know-where has taught me to become more observant, I guess.

THE MAIN AGENDA. My old specs (the one that I'm currently wearing) had created much havoc to me. I couldn't see what's written on the whiteboard from my seat in the class. I couldn't recognize my own classmate when I passed her by one night. I even hesitated to help someone because my eyes (or that pair of specs) were fooling me, saying that that's not the person I think I saw. This happened a month ago, I think. It made me feel awful. Isn't it sad when you can't even judge from your eyesight? (Emo again, quick quick change topic!).

Hence I decided to bid farewell to the old specs, the one I've been wearing since Form 4. I think I made a blog entry about that 2 years ago. Based on the picture above (huh?), I think I can open an optic shop now, selling second-hand specs. The cool harry potter-like sunglasses were bought when I was around 5 years old, I think. I'm glad I still kept them! I started wearing specs in Primary 5 and now I can't imagine a minute without my specs. They're my best companion. Sometimes I nap with my specs on (for better vision when I dream, maybe?).

So yeah, enough with the specs story. I'm not even wearing the new one now. Felt dizzy for some reason. I usually take a really long time to adapt myself with new things, including specs :P

Thennnn...I sent my guitar for service since I never did so. Just wanted to know what will they do to the guitar before the service period ends :P Since the guy suggested that I should change the strings, I just agreed. The last time since I changed them was last December - and the last set of strings were damn expensive, I regretted for buying from that other shop last year. LOL. The new set which I changed to just now is as good as the old one, yet far more affordable and reasonable. Overall I'm satisfied by the service provided. Happy with the new strings :)

Bought a new pick too! I love collecting random things, so I decided to add another pick into my collection. It's the orange one in the picture. My favourite one now. Before this I always use the one next to it. The new one is thinner. I'm loving it! Every pick in the picture has it's own story. I bought the first one when I had my first guitar. It's extra thick. Being a noob that time, I never knew it wouldn't like it. The second one is freeeeee (that's why it's PINK, ok..). Got it when I bought my second guitar. Third one is also freeee. Found it when collecting rubbish (prefect's job every morning) in front of the school hall. Since nobody was there, I took it haha! Fourth one burnt a hole in my pocket. RM3. I was still a secondary school student during that time T_T that's why I love it the most.

See..I started very humbly. My first set of strings was the cheapest one available. As I get older, I seem to get choosier. Kids nowadays..hmm.

All brand new!

Photo of the day. YUMMY!

Back to Bio! Bye :D

Random

2011-08-28T20:57:00.003+08:00

My blog has been lacking pictures lately, so yeah I'm just going to put some random pictures taken by using my humble 2.0MP phone camera.

The proof that we studied really hard for Chemistry.

Legacy left by housemates. Censored just for fun.

Waiting. LCCT yo! That's not my bag :D

HOME yo! Kitty relaxing on my guitar bag. I don't usually allow her to do so.

It's always 7.12 am/pm yo! This holiday will never end! Woohoo!

Bio

2011-08-26T22:16:00.001+08:00

Is This Progress?

The Adventures of Balik Kampung

2011-08-25T23:59:00.003+08:00

My hometown is not a kampung. In fact, it has the status Bandar Raya. However, to make this entry sound as dramatic as a real adventure, I shall just keep that as the title. Oh ya, thanks Azreen for suggesting this entry! (This is going to be a longggg, picture-less entry).

First of all thank God for the safe journey (despite the fight in the flight, yes, my flight was that dramatic). It was certainly a long way, twisting turning back home (quote from song lyrics, ehem), from KTM Station to the grounds of Cat City. I was grinning my way out from the arrival gate.

Now let me start from the start. I didn't spend the night in my own room because I was the last one to leave, so Zalikha was victimized to be my host. I woke up at 7.30 that morning (shockingly early yo!). After returning to my own block, I did some last minute jobs, such as throwing away the legacies that my housemates left for me (another way to say the rubbish), making sure all of the buckets in the house were upside down, checking every window etc.

Left my room before 10am because Zalikha and Amirah put a prank on me, saying they're already waiting for me inside the taxi. I cannot believe I believed :P Now imagine the blur, slow, clumsy, forgetful Fee rushing for something which is not real. Of course I forgot to bring something and had to run back. It was the card thingy you have to hand in to the guards whenever you're going to somewhere and not returning that night. Well in this case people can never blame me for I have never experienced sleeping over at somewhere else. I have no relatives over there yo!

Walking out from the gate felt like phase 1 of happiness. How did it feel like? FUN. After seeing people dragging their bags the day before, it was our turn! My bag didn't have wheels though. So I didn't drag mine. Haha. There was one thing in my mind that time: If I don't get a seat in KTM, I'm going to break my shoulders! Thoughts of standing in the KTM weeks earlier with Chiang Tieng, Tricia and Fern haunted me. Please, not with this heavy backpack, I said to myself.

What was phase 2 of happiness? Getting a seat in KTM! Hahah! Even though the girl's head sitting beside me kept on touching my shoulders, I acted like nothing happened. Isn't it so weird to be jam-packed in a place with sleepy people? Everybody sitting was sleeping, so I followed suit even though I wasn't sleepy. We got off at KL Central, where phase 1 of blurness began. I know nothing about going anywhere, yes I'm a bad traveller (should I classify myself as one?). People say malu bertanya sesat jalan (banyak bertanya tak malu), so I chose to be tak malu. Texted one of the many many seniors, Fern for help (thank you senior!) and managed to get the right transport to the right place.

Phase 3 of happiness: reaching LCCT, checking in and waiting for the moment yo! Waiting was...not so fun, I did a silly mistake for keeping my novel and Conan comics at the bottom of all my clothes inside my bag :P Time was just wasted by playing Reversi on my phone. Then I took a nap. See, it was that boring. When I woke up, I felt awful because my specs were squashing my nose. I looked around and saw 3 of our seniors! Then phase 4 of happiness began. Walking to the plane. Ngahaha!

My seat was just beside the window (felt glad because I cannot imagine sitting for 1 hour 45 minutes without looking outside/below, seeing the tiny buildings and Amazon-like rivers). It was not as exciting as before, being in a flight for twice in a few months. When I came to KL, I was so excited because the last time I boarded a plane was like...10 years ago XD

Fast forward...after the napping-waking up-napping cycle, we finally landed safely. With a big grin on my face, I marched out together with Zalikha, our pace increased as we were getting nearer towards the gate of phase 5 of happiness. I saw my dad waving. Yo, my dad was waving to me. HAHA. I was told that he was really excited to fetch me from the airport. Awww.

Awesomeness kept on coming after that. I told EVERYTHING, every single bit of story to my family all the way back home in the car. I came to realise that the distant really taught me how to grow up, love and appreciate more. They say I look taller, my arms are bigger (LOL, perhaps after all of the exercises during CG outing?). I know I'm not just growing up physically :)

Well that was my adventure of balik kampung. Tomorrow will be Day 2 at home. Bio report remains untouched. Vitamin C keeps on flashing into my mind. What kind of holiday is this going to be?...

ps. Food is awesome here. Finally, the familiar taste of mother's cooking :D

EMO

2011-08-23T19:01:00.004+08:00

How would you feel?...

When you are the last person to leave a room.

When you are standing in front of the window but the only thing you see is people dragging their bags.

When the only sound that you can hear is the sound of cars bustling.

When you've just found out your test marks that particular morning.

When you feel so free but you have nothing to do.

When you're here today, but not tomorrow.

What am I talking about? Well, as usual I am talking to myself in a way that I type it out so that I won't forget. You know the feeling of "Aww..look how emo I was last time". Cool huh?

Again, I would love to repeat something.

How would you feel when standing in front of the window but the only thing you see is people dragging their bags.

I FEEL EMO.

Although I know it's my turn to do so tomorrow.

...and yeah I know that the title of this post is so emo, but please allow me to also include the awesomeness of today.

First of all...I played guitar the second time for Campus Revo this afternoon! Thanks to seniors - Shin for allowing me to play, Caryn for the guitar and Shiau Xian for leading the worship :) Had a great time just now. (Yeah don't get me wrong, even when I don't play, it's always awesome). XD

I managed to get more than half for Chemistry. Well, not bad, right? I know I'm not as brilliant as my classmates/group mates but yeah I'm just going to run my own race. Everytime I get emo with my marks I always remind myself how I got 44% in Chemistry during form 5 yet still ace the exam in the end (LOL?). Allow me to do some self-motivation, please. You might say oh yeah form 5 life is soooo different and you cannot compare it with college life, but who cares. It's the same feeling though. The feeling that you are never as good as the others (emo again, sorry) but deep inside you know you can do it. Say it again yo, I CAN DO IT!

Back to awesomeness. I feel awesome that topic tests have finally ended andddd (drumroll...) holidays have just started! I cannot wait to forget about studies for a while. I cannot wait to wake up late and sleep late without feeling guilty at all. I cannot wait to eat simple meals at home. I cannot wait to throw myself on my bed, play guitar all day, sing aloud in my room, read newspaper, etc etc.

I've been here for almost two months already, and if one of our seniors didn't say "Enjoy your first ever holiday!", I would never notice that it's our first one! I've been enjoying myself so much here, I guess. Despite all the stress of studying, there are actually a lot of good things here in this place.

What else should I add here? Everything's still the same - cars are still bustling, it's so noisy yet quiet. What a paradox. I haven't finished packing (how can I ever finish if I don't stop what I'm doing right now?). I'm thinking really hard on what to bring and what NOT to bring. One thing's for sure, I am not going to bring that extra thick Core Maths book, so I'm going to end this post now so that I can start doing my Maths homework and be super brilliant in Maths woohooo! (fake happy tone).

Bye. Will be blogging from somewhere else tomorrow. YAY :D

Am I Doing My Best?

2011-08-21T23:16:00.002+08:00

Am I going to be good enough?

Am I doing my best?

What am I doing here right now?

Someday I'll know the answers...
sounds so emo eh.

I'm Busy

2011-08-15T23:48:00.002+08:00

..but I'm pretending not to be. Topic tests, reports, homeworks. Oh please don't kill me.

Let me tell you a random story of what had happened just now. I saw a lizard. It was on the floor...about to enter my bedroom. I made a mistake. I shouldn't have tried to shoo it away, because of course it was going to run INTO the room because I was coming from the opposite direction. To make matters worse, the door of my locker wasn't closed. Now I don't know where's the lizard. It might be inside my locker, it might be on the wall..it might be hiding in my belongings. OH NOOOO.

Enough with the lizard. I'm staying up late for a reason. Oh beetroot, please be kind to me.

One Month Later

2011-08-02T19:36:00.004+08:00

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow is no ordinary day. It's my going to be my housemate's Physics test day. It's Core Maths day. It's the day I come back late every week. It's Wednesday!

So what? Tomorrow, the 3rd of August 2011 will be the witness of my survival in this place after a remarkable one month period. One month?!! Yes, I managed to be far far away from home for 1 month! Time for some upgrading. Give me another one month! No problem.

Liar, you will say to me. What made me survive this time? What made me not feel extra super duper homesick? What made me successful in not repeating my Form 1 history of running away from boarding school? The answer is not what, but who.

Being far away from your loved ones, you need some new people to show you love. Okay. Stop thinking about what you are thinking right now. I'm not going to say I met a guy and bla bla bla. I just want to say that I've met with a lot of amazing people here, seniors and people in the same batch alike. All from different hometowns, different races, yet their friendliness and kindness sometimes makes me ponder...before coming here, I listened to a song that said:

"In the end sincerity will have no meaning at all"

This is not what I can see here. Seniors show care to you, friends are so far so nice. Sincerity does have meaning. It made me tell myself I am not alone every morning when I take my shower with a reluctant heart to start the day. The kindness of the people I know here keeps me going, constantly living every moment with hope because I know I am not alone. What will you feel if one day you discovered somewhere, people have your name in a list and even before you know them (even before they know you), they have been praying for you. I've just found out that fact a few days ago. While we were busy with our MDS (orientation week), filled with both agony and excitement, there were seniors actually praying for us. Praying that we'll not feel homesick, praying that we'll have courage and strength. From the bottom of my heart, I would just like to say thank you very much to the seniors from Campus Alive!

I know that my mum must be very happy to know that my life here is OK. Don't worry everyone in the house :) God is watching over me :)

Oh ya, new story to tell. Thanks to Caryn, my senior, I had the chance to play guitar over the weekends till todayyyy (played during Campus Revo - my ears felt hot, I was actually nervous) :D It's been a while..my fingers hurt and I feel like a beginner. Yet, I managed to write a new song! It somehow tells about my feelings right now. I didn't manage to complete it before returning the guitar, but maybe I can continue it next time. The verse and chorus goes like this:

Looking at the sky on a dark night,
I always know that You are so close by my side.
Feeling down and lonely on a sunny day,
I can only feel the wind and say it's gonna be OK.

Coz I wanna stand up firm and say,
I can make it tomorrow and today,
and I (.....*cannot think of the lyrics here*)

Give me hope when I feel down,
Give me faith when I am lost,
(...*to be continued*...)

Yeah I cannot think of the lyrics after that. Part of the song was written when I was alone in my room. Part of it came into my mind when I was on the bus, on the way to church one Sunday afternoon.

I guess this is long enough. I should stop typing now and go back to my beloved Core Maths textbook. Till we meet again in another chapter.

The Chronicles of FOOD

2011-07-25T19:27:00.003+08:00

Ever since I've been here, snapping pictures of food before consuming them has become my habit. I guess there's nothing wrong with that, right? At least I have something to blog about just after Week 3 ended :D

ps. Sorry dad I broke the promise. I had instant noodles for lunch last week (for only ONCE). Mwahahaa

Second Week Over!

2011-07-17T21:52:00.008+08:00

Heyyyy everyone! (Ehem, if there are anyone).

My third week here will be starting tomorrow and so far everything is fine. Perhaps because I've been through all the homesick and stuffs like that when I was in Form 1, I didn't really suffer from it this time.

Why? Well in my point of view, the people around you play a HUGE role in determining your feelings. So far I've met with really nice people, both seniors and the people in my batch, regardless from which programme or block or group they're in. Here, in this place, the introvert, anti-social, constantly-nervous Fee is slowly picking up to be brave and confident to speak to new faces. It wasn't easy, it isn't easy. A lot of seniors told us to explore during this first semester. You know the meaning. Get to know the people, the places and everything well...before you have limited time to do so in the future. You just gotta do it right. I mean explore in a useful manner. Lol. Don't worry wei, to you all who are reading this.

Ok. Social life is so far so good. What about studies? I'm doing my best to adapt myself to the new environment and technique of studying. In terms of being in the class, I think I'm the same old Fee. The one who sits at the corner. The blur one. The one who takes time to be in the same pace with others. I'm no gold and glitters yet. But I'll be good enough one day. Yes I will. (Please allow me to do some self-motivation in my own blog, ok?).

Next, spiritual life. Here, in this place, despite being far away from home and family, I somehow feel like being at home. I have the opportunity to know God more here and I can feel that I am never alone. A lot of things have changed in me during the past two weeks and I can feel it. I've met so many new faces in church and got the chance to mix with really nice seniors too.

Old friends? Yeah I still miss them, the good old days..but time passes by so quickly here. Sometimes I think I don't even have time to think. Wait, that sounds so paradoxically wrong.

Mum, dad, sisters, teachers, old friends, please don't worry about me although sometimes I do worry about myself. Time to say that's all for now...because..

I HAVE SOME CHEMISTRY WORK TO BE DONE AND I HAVEN'T FINISHED ANYTHING YET ARGGGHH!!

Just kidding. I can finish it. I can.

Ps. I miss my guitar too much so much very much right now..

Photo of the Day

2011-07-09T18:50:00.002+08:00

My model of the day :D

Chapter 1: So Far So Good

2011-07-08T23:00:00.004+08:00

When anybody asks me, "how's life over there?", all I can say is so far so good. Orientation week was great, even though at first my heart was filled with mixed feelings. During the first two days of the week, when it gets dark, I suddenly felt like I'm in a place where I don't belong to. The days get dark a bit more late here compared to in my hometown, and I somehow like that idea LOL.

Mornings were great although I woke up a lot earlier compared to when I was still at home. Sometimes it impresses me - waking up early without the thoughts of going back to laze around on the bed (The usual thing I always did back in home). Breakfast was great for the whole week - my favourite was the nasi lemak we had on Wednesday. I took a few pics of the foods we had just for fun. It's something memorable to think of in the future, I guess.

The facis were awesome. I really love my group, Group 1 aka OneShow. Seriously I never loved any group activities during my schooldays. I never had such a fun group like this one. And yeah I love the songs and the claps that we've learnt. Totally unforgettable! ^^

The reason why I didn't really think of home during the orientation period is perhaps that we had a very packed schedule and I laughed out loudly most of the time. I tried to be friendly and make new friends (in the end I kept on asking them again about their names because I am sooo forgetful, plus I saw a lot of different faces names and I got mixed up easily). Then yeah before sleep, I do think of home but it's not that saddening. I'm lying if I say that I'm not thinking of home and my family (and Kitty). I think of them most of the time, but in the same time I'm also happy and thankful that I'm currently here.

So don't worry guys. I'm really OK. It really is so far so good. I've grown up (and still growing up!) :D

God will make a way,
where there seems to be no way,
He works in ways we cannot see,
He will make a way for me :)

To be continued...

Time is Passing by So Fast

2011-06-29T05:29:00.005+08:00

..and the day will come to me at lasttt.

-taken from '30 Days', my SPM song.

Excited? Nervous? Scared? I don't know how to define my feelings right now. Soon I'll be continuing my journey of life, doing something meaningful (at last) after months and months wasted by listening to music, watching TV, chatting with friends, taking long-hour evening sleeps, (and the list goes on).

I hate packing, it makes me feel melancholic. Yet still I have to do it. Suddenly I feel a sense of boundless appreciation towards the little little things at home. My pillowcase. The familiar smell of my bedroom. The radio station my mum listens to everyday. The sound of the bell on my cat's collar. Everything. Yeah everything.

In just a few days, I'll be in this unfamiliar place. I'll meet new faces and I don't even know are the going to be good or bad. I'll miss my old friends, I'll miss my family. I'm already feeling homesick by just thinking about the fact. Who am I? The girl who's never been away from home. Who didn't survive hostel life in the past. Who has a problem mixing around with unfamiliar people. Who can't even miss a night without saying "good night" to someone. Yes, that's me.

I cannot guarantee that I won't be homesick, but yeah, the moment is going to arrive. I can't run away, so I'll just have to face it. When on earth am I going to finally learn on how to be independent if it is not now? Part of me says I can do it, but part of me knows I'll have to take some time before I get used to it. Honestly, I'm a bit ready. I've been defeated once, and I'm not going to let it happen once again. This time I'll survive hostel and college life.

Why is this entry so emo? LOL

It's not that I'm going so far away X)

Yeah beware. The geek part of me is about to return. Bwahahaa.

Before June Ends

2011-06-23T03:28:00.006+08:00

Before this month ends, I proudly present my latest template/font/design
and
this short, meaningless, insignificant, unimportant (as usual) post.

Where have I been all these while? Why no blog posts at all? Why? WHY? I'll give you my typical answer.

Nothing much has happened lately. I'm back to my old hobby of playing Insaniquarium, indulging myself with the insanity of clicking gold and silver coins dropped by guppies. I download songs every night. I log in to YouTube everyday. I sleep at 3. What's so unusual about that?

So hello future Fee, look what were you doing in the past (this is of course my self-monologue in the future. Duhh.)

Heart Attacks. No More.

2011-05-21T03:44:00.002+08:00

Well hello. First question: did I survive? Yes I did. That's why I'm here, in the middle of the ~~night~~ morning rambling about nothing. Yeah nothing.

I was quite shocked to see that this is my second entry for this month. As you can see, the more time you have, the more you tend to waste it. I mean I, not you. Second question: did I survive? Yes I did. I survived both being rejected and accepted this month. And here I am glad to say:

NO MORE HEART ATTACKS! Finally!

...for the time being, I guess. Don't ask me what I'm talking about because I'm aware that I am only talking to myself. I blog to talk to myself. Really.

p/s: Currently reading Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Yeah I know I'm so left behind.

Back to Business

2011-05-10T13:28:00.003+08:00

Or is it "Back to Buzyness"?

Whatever it is, YEAH this holiday is on the verge of ending. Let's see the negative side:

I haven't mastered fingerstyle guitar.
I only managed to finish reading a few books.
My bedroom looks way better before SPM.
I cannot remember a single thing about Bio/Chem/Phy/Add Maths (and probably Maths too)
I cannot force myself to sleep early.
My so-called project didn't even start.

Positive side:
Most probably gained weight.
...and seriously I can't think of any other things under this category.

Heart attack is still attacking.

I Feel Like Blogging Today

2011-04-27T22:46:00.005+08:00

I'm getting lazy again although actually I have some things to blog about. Yeah, everyday is like usual - sleeping during the oddest hours, being an owl every night...my biological clock is soooo cacat-ed right now.

I hope I'll be able to adapt myself well and change back to normal when I continue my studies. I guess this holiday is damaging my brain cells. Eh wait, I am the one who's damaging my own brain cells.

Everyone is moving forward with their life now. I'm currently writing a song about my previous entry, "Moving Forward, Looking Back". Lacking inspiration right now. I can't even sit in front of my study table to think/read/do nothing for more than 15 minutes now. Bad sign.

It is actually so embarrassing to think that my blog is dying each and every day. I don't have the mood to blog anymore. For the sake of updating, here, let me share some latest pics from my 2.0MP handphone camera. Laugh.

I call this photo: Uncertainty

I have a vision. Haha. Lame.

PHEWs and Heart Attacks

2011-04-21T15:44:00.002+08:00

I will survive

APRIL is the month of heart attacks. You don't believe me? Well, when is the month that makes you feel relieved, then a week later, worried, then the cycle just can't stop. I seriously hate this feeling. It's deceiving my mental state.

Next week I bet I'll be having another heart attack after this afternoon I can slightly whisper a phew~ I do pray that the heart attack will be a good one. Wait, since when is a heart attack categorized as good? Yes, it can be good. A good shock. A good heart attack. Sounds synonymous.

Aha. (or ngahaha - I'm sooo in the mood of using this word).

Tweets on Blog

2011-04-19T00:06:00.007+08:00

For some reason, twitter is cool, but isn't it weird if I tweet a lot when no one is reading? Like...when I have a few followers and my account is private. It's funny. Yep, I'm referring to myself :D

That's why I love Facebook - because when you type out what's on your mind? there is a higher probability that people (I mean friends?) will like your status or even leave a comment. Attention seeker? Probably.

However, I still love my blog because it's my own space. I can write anything without even caring whether there are readers or not. Whether people love it or not. And most importantly, (I don't know what else to say now).

DO NOT INTERRUPT ME

These are the things I'd probably tweet about if I was a Twitter freak:

Revisited the school. For the second time in this month aha.
"Don't worry, teacher. I love this school". Well, I am not lying :D
As time comes ticking by I start to realise there's nothing left to do, but turn my back and walk away from you :( - Silly Fools, "Enough".
After 4 months of holiday, I think I've developed ADHD. Can't concentrate.
I'm getting lazy to blog. Life is getting busier lately.

Now please allow my to sleep. Good night.

p/s: don't get me wrong, I was studying about something just now and decided to sneak into blogger muahaha (lame excuse).

Growing Up

2011-04-14T22:18:00.003+08:00

WAKE UP! You're old already!

A year ago, I was a Form 5 student. A student who didn't think much of SPM. A student who finally had her first experience attending a prefects' camp. A student who didn't receive a lot of birthday wishes on Facebook.

Two years ago, I was an ignorant kid. Form 4 life was miserable without any close friends to share secrets and laughter.

Three years ago, (sorry I can't remember anything starting from this timeline).

............

EIGHTEEN years ago, I said hello to the world.

Well today is just another day. No birthday bashes, no candles, no my-super-sweet-18 with a bunch of intoxicated friends, no Ferrari as a birthday gift. Just wishes and kisses. I mean a kiss. On the cheek. From..................my mummy XD

A lot of things start to happen this month. I can feel that now's the time to really start growing up. In just a few months time, I believe I will be far away from home. Or will I? Who cares, I better prepare an early mindset.

I hate that this fun and 100% relaxing time is almost over. I've been sooo used to this lifestyle. If you ask me, actually I don't want to grow up. The future is so scary to think of. (So it looks like I better don't think about it). But I have to.

I have to say that I'm very grateful today. Thank You, LORD for my family, my teachers, my friends and everyone who helped me (and will be helping me) throughout the process of growing up. Receiving very sincere birthday wishes from friends make me feel that I am not alone after all. Although some people (who are close to me) did forget this date, I guess it's OK. Maybe they're just shy to voice it out. Maybe they're shy to say that they love me. I know they didn't forget.

Life is beautiful. Behind those uncertainties, there are good things to put in mind. Tomorrow will be fine, as long as there is camaraderie. When you know there are people who love you, you know everything will be just fine. I must walk this path. Yes, I am growing up. And I am not walking this path alone.

EDIT: yes candles :P

Talking vs. Writing

2011-04-13T14:42:00.002+08:00

When talking, there is no turning back. Once you've said it, you cannot erase it. There are two options: to feel proud of what you've said, or to feel embarrassed. Talking is not my favourite thing to do. But I cannot run away from talking.

Today I have managed to fight my fear. I faced it instead of running away and I won't regret anything.

WHAT AM I TALKING ABOUT? The "you-know-what". I did some blogsearch yesterday and found hundreds of people blogging about their experiences. I'd rather choose to keep mine in my personal diary :) The written one, because it will have more sentimental value lol.

I guess that's all I want to tell here. I need some sleep after the nerve-wrecking moment. Hyperbole yea HAHA.

I Want This!

2011-04-07T19:00:00.003+08:00

Not the guys, the T-shirts. The guy in white also can..if it comes free >.<

LOOK.AT.THAT. I want one to show-off!!!

I've been good last year. I haven't receive any prizes yet from anyone. Whoever can give me these will be remembered forever in my thoughts and dreams. Chewah.

I know it's impossible. Items in my wishlist are always impossible anyway.

Addicted

2011-04-02T00:17:00.004+08:00

I has been 8 months since I've been clean from this "substance".
The addiction is coming back this April. I suddenly remembered about it more than I used to.
I can't stand it. Oh man, this is torturing.

I

want

one

........

Time flies. The last time I had this in school was before the SPM trials. I remember every detail about that moment clearly. Me, Eppy and Ann sat together at the last seat in the Add Maths room, right after recess. Mr. Pang was already in the class, plus some other students too. We didn't care, we just enjoyed it there. It's something nice to think about.

I'm a huge fan of this stuff. Used to buy it everytime whenthere was a jualan koperasi. I always bought 2 or 3 of them to be brought home (used to store them in the fridge and eat after dinner). One is normally to be eaten during recess. Only on Fridays.

This thing reminds me of Fridays, the crowd, the extra money I used to bring on Fridays, Add Maths class (lessons after recess), sardin gulung (always bought this too), guitar day (guys bring guitars on Fridays) and generally, schooldays.

and oh, hello April!

Why I Love Reading Comments

2011-03-30T20:17:00.008+08:00

Originality

A few weeks ago I posted an entry about how comments on YouTube and entertainment blogs can make me laugh out loud (or at least grin). Some comments are cute, informative, and the best ones are always the funny ones.

I like the idea that they are brief, yet original and entertaining. Most of them reflect the immediate response of a person. Some are rude. Some have serious grammatical errors. Yet still, the best thing is that they are genuine from the commentors' thoughts.

Sometimes people have too much time and they treat a comment like a forum thread. They reply to each other. I don't like this idea, especially on controversial videos.

Some people reply to help. Like when people ask "oh I'm so in love with this actor, what's his name?" or something like this:

Some are generous ones, like providing synopsis to the curious ones.

These people show their emotions. Very original thoughts, I have to say.

I love the inspirational ones too.

and this one too XD

Those are my reasons to read while waiting for videos to load.

p/s: Usernames are censored to protect privacy. I've noticed that by pasting all those comments here, I've also literally copied what these people say. Let me know if you don't like your comment being showed publicly here. I don't want to deal with copyright issues. Yikes.

Peace.

Looking Back (and Ahead)

2011-03-25T16:07:00.007+08:00

"I say this because I know what I am planning for you", says the LORD. "I have good plans for you, not plans to hurt you. I will give you hope and a good future". - Jeremiah 29:11

I can't remember when was the first time these words were introduced to me. However, I will never forget who was the person to inspire me with this promise from God. It's none other than Mr. Song Ting Kee, my Maths teacher during form 2. He was one of the ISCF teachers too, and I admired him because it was really enjoyable to listen to him when he shares God's words and when he teaches Maths too.

Whenever I feel in doubt about the future, I always remember those words. And if you thought that getting good grades in SPM kills all of your doubts, it's wrong.

Let's look back to the past. During my form 4 years, I wasn't a happy student. Well, yes I am lying. I was happy, but not so confident with myself. I hated form 4 because the culture shock was torturing. Imagine that you've always been scoring A and at least B during your younger days, then suddenly in form 4 you get ugly grades. You are certainly not alone.

The chronicle of my downfall went like this:
1. Ugly grades.
2. Felt neglected by teachers (felt so used to being a teachers pet during younger days).
3. Started being a bit less nerdy, good coz made new friends. New fun, crazy, chatterbox friends.
4. Onlined a lot because of stress probably.
5. Didn't care much why my Add Maths was an E.
6. Relaxed a little bit, didn't push myself hard enough, started to memorize a lot of songs instead of doing revision.

The lab became the coolest place in school when SPM was getting nearer.

Luckily that only lasted for a year. In form 5, I became determined and started to set goals to beat the class top-scorer (LOL, I never managed to) but I did improve. And that was good enough.

The chronicle of my uprise was something like this:
1. Learnt that I scored a C/D/E not because of stupidity but because...(drumroll please)...school exam formats were weird, and not similar to SPM, yeah I mean those annoying monthly tests. In my fist Chemistry monthly test, I got an E. It was really difficult. Really really difficult.
2. Add maths apparently became fun when you know how to do it. It's addictive too. I did a lot of them between the two trials, scored B+ and that managed to boost up my confidence. In fact really confident for at least an A-.
3. Did loads of history short notes. Before KK meetings, between lessons, I devoted myself with this stuff which I never reread word by word anyway.
4. Didn't go to YouTube for months before SPM. YouTube is addictive because there is always a "chain reaction".
5. Started to become addicted to Chemistry lessons. Started to listen more during Physics and not let my sleepy eyes defeat me.
6. Slept less late at night. Not very early, but just OK - only to complete homeworks and not because of onlining.
7. Had fun at school. Played basketball (and even futsal) every Monday morning even the week before trial exams. Posed for photos. Laughed with the gang.

...and a lot more.

Thanks to the anime Slam Dunk, I became a basketball lover. Played a lot on Mondays.

During my final months in school, I wrote in my journal that "to balance this fun and effort would be a sweet success". Yes. I was correct.

I had fun in form 5, I wasn't a quiet student who only studied and mingled with top-scorers. My gang was the one who sat on the last table behind everyone in the Bio lab. Eh wait, I mean the 2nd last table. Being carefree and less kiasu doesn't make you stupid. We knew when to joke and when to listen.

What I'm trying to say here is...enjoy your schooldays. This entry is for those who's in the same boat as me when I was a secondary school student.

I would like to thank all of the teachers who taught me in SMK Penrissen No.1 (ok, my identity is finally revealed, I never mentioned this) for making my schooldays enjoyable. Also to the teachers who never taught me but was very nice to me. I have an unexplainable bond to this school - it's really special in its own way. The memories, the silly little things, the mistakes, the moments I've experienced there have certainly made me a better person. This anak jati of the school is really proud of being one ex-student of Penrissen.

This is my favourite in school: The Stairs. I exercise less at home, so this kept me fit. I call it "the stairs of hope" because it made me remember one scene from the movie "Beautiful Boxer".

Looking Ahead

I still don't know what's ahead of me. I have dreams and goals. But I won't tell here first. I want to stay motivated, focused and succeed. Secondary school life is officially over, now it's time to defreeze the frozen.

The Wednesday

2011-03-23T15:16:00.004+08:00

Was it a Wednesday or the Wednesday?

It has been a tradition for bloggers to go frenzy posting about their SPM results. I've read a lot of blog entries (yeah I blogsearched a lot) about experiences of others regarding their results day. I don't know to categorise it as showing off or sharing stories. Well I prefer the latter.

I didn't really sleep well last night. I only managed to sleep at 3am after 2 hours of rolling. Woke up early, took a pretty long shower, and took up the decision to dress to impress. I've never been so nervous in my life. Yet. The nervousness was worse than sitting for the exam itself.

Went to school at 9.45 after minutes of nagging my parents. I was obviously both excited and nervous at the same time. It's great to meet again with my buddies, Eppy, Ann and Jas. Plus the rest of the classmates. Guys looked the same. Aldrin had a slightly long hair which was awesome because I never saw him like that. Some had dyed their hair a bit. I can't remember who.

Waiting was not torturing. We saw our English teacher, Miss Roseline and I went frenzy. She congratulated me so I knew there must be something good with my English paper. We also greeted Mr. Lee who was in a rush to enter class.

Now I realise why those people in TV cry when taking their results. I thought they were a bunch of show-offs who forced themselves to cry HAHA. I was wrong. I cried too. I didn't realise I was crying in front of many people. So embarrassing. The first thought which crossed my mind was, phew, thank God, I mad my parents happy. Actually I couldn't sleep last night because of thinking about my parents. The fear. You know lah.

It wasn't a happy ending some of my friends, but it wasn't an ending after all. This is just the beginning. I feel a tinge of guilt that I'm so happy now. The future is still unpredictable. One thing's for sure, God has plans for me. I'll continue to do my best. This is the beginning. This is the beginning.

Hello world?

Sick

2011-03-21T11:47:00.002+08:00

I am literally sick waiting for the results

Flu

2011-03-19T21:16:00.000+08:00

Flu flu go away,
I want to take my results on Wednesday.

Music Review: Seua Yai

2011-03-17T19:50:00.005+08:00

Hello blog. First of all, I have to say that this isn't going to be a review which looks like a review because I'm a noob in writing reviews.

I'm a bit surprised to see that this band isn't so well-known compared to any other Thai rock bands. Even searching for their photos is a bit difficult job to do. Oh, OK - wait. The last time they released their album is about 5 years ago. No wonder.

I know I've been very late in discovering about these guys. It all started when I watched 'The Letter', a movie starring Num Attaporn (yeah, the vocalist). I began to listen to some of their songs after discovering about this band. At first, some songs weren't so impressive when I listened to them on YouTube. However, after listening to the mp3 versions, headphones on, WOW they are awesome!

One thing I like about Thai music is their awesomeness in rock/pop rock genre. I'm an avid fan to rock/pop rock music, I love listening to the beat of drums, guitar solos, etc. and I love this band's music. Some songs, like Wat-too Klaai Pleng and Dai Yin Laeo Hai Neuay have really nice guitar solos. They're relaxing and rock-ish at the same time. That's what I love.

Talking about the band's name (เสือใหญ่), it actually means 'Big Tiger'. Not bad to me. One good thing is that they named their band in Thai, it's good coz it shows their identity - compared to a lot of Thai bands out there that have weird english names (decided not to mention LOL). I love their logo too ^^

First album (2005)

Second album (2006)

OK. I don't know what else to write. Message to professional reviewers who found this entry coincidentally: DON'T KILL ME. I've told y'all earlier that I don't know how to write a review.

Khan Kluay 2 on TV Tomorrow!

2011-03-15T23:27:00.003+08:00

8am. I will be in front of the TV tomorrowwwwwwww!!!

I am sooo excited, that's why I shared this as my status on fb. HAHA. Unfortunately, it is dubbed in BM by Akim and Mila. I actually want to watch this movie with the real Thai voices. My two reasons:

1. The original voices are by Num Attaporn and Anne Thongprasom!
2. I watched the 'behind the scenes'. Original voices portray way better emotions. You should see Anne Thongprasom cry.

Why on earth should they dub this animation movie from the beginning? Subtitles could have solved the problem. But ah, I forgot, it is an animation movie. Some kids can't read subtitles yet. LOL.

Waking up early tomorrow. Tuning in to channel Astro Ceria. WHAT? Yep, you've heard it. ASTRO CERIA. LOL.

p/s. BM version is "Jumbo Gajah Biru". Another LOL. XD

I Don't Wanna Live a Hi-So Life

2011-03-15T00:50:00.003+08:00

Whoooossshhh...

The results are going to be announced next week. Good news, my brain is actively functioning because excessive thoughts about what will happen in the future are approaching more than ever. Even when I eat, I think about who will I become when I grow older. That's the bad part. Over-thinking leads to mild depression and mild depression leads to chronic worrying.

Let me explain about the title first. I used the term "Hi-So" because I've been over-exposed to Thai entertainment blogs. Forgive me. Google up if you want to know the meaning.

Growing up as an ordinary kid from a family who's not rich but not poor (yeah sorry, didn't know how to explain better) makes me sometimes ponder what if I'll be very rich one day. I certainly don't know how to live a rich life. Do rich people live normal lives? This is how my life is for the past 17 years I've been living:

1. When I want something,sometimes I get it, but sometimes I don't. Quite balanced at times. Most entertainment-related stuffs are purchased by using own savings (the money which is supposed to be used to buy food at school haha). These include Detective Conan comics, DVDs and money-wasting items according to adults.

2. When someone (especially friends) get something new, expensive and cool, I will start dreaming to have one as soon as possible and start questioning myself why does certain people get things so damn easily without even trying. These include electric guitars, keyboards, DSLR cameras and a lot more. Yes, I sound ungrateful, but don't get me wrong. I am very honest here. I am thankful for what I have. Sometimes I just have to open my eyes a bit wider to see that I am fortunate enough compared to those who live even more difficult lives.

3. I hate attending parties held by rich people. The only thing I love is the food. Again, don't get me wrong. Sometimes I just think I don't belong to these group of people (especially if they are distant relatives). No offense. No further elaboration.

4. I love my old t-shirts. The really old ones. I wear them most of the time when I'm at home, because new, branded shirts makes me hot. I mean hot, not 'hot'. Do rich people wear old t-shirts? I honestly don't know much about this.

Back to the main idea. The next step that I'll be taking will pretty much influence my future career. I used to have a lot of ambitions when I was younger, but sadly when I really need those thoughts now, I found out that perhaps I didn't have any ambition at all. I have dreams of living a better life than now, but at the same time, I'm afraid of the changes in my life.

Yes, the fear of changes. Bad sign.

I've been living this simple life so comfortably for the past 17 years and now I'm afraid to be rich. Or poorer. The truth is, I don't want to live a very rich life. And certainly not a poor life too. I want to live like how I've been raised by my parents, but slightly richer than this. But not too rich.

What should I become next?

I've also realised that in the time being, this question is not so important. The main question should be

What will my results be?

then

Where should I go next?

then

How good will I score in university/wherever I continue my studies

then

WHAT should I become? This is the career-choosing part. Unfortunately, when thinking, my thoughts get so deep, and I skip all the previous questions - making this question the main one.

Probably this is what the Thais say as "Thinking too much". Thinking too much really kills.

A very honest entry from me. Don't take it too seriously.
Just my two cents.
Stay tuned for more.

I Cannot See The Future

2011-03-11T23:50:00.010+08:00

YEAH IT'S HORRIBLY DEPRESSING, DAMNIT!

I cannot see the future... :(

Something is really wrong with me, but I don't know what :(

There are stuffs in my mind...a lot of 'em..

Yeah, I cannot see my future...

Are you sure it'll be OK?

Good to know that.

OK. No one. So I am not alone after all.

Phew~

Oh no, I left high school months ago..

You're right.

A'aa..

A lot, I tell you.

Sooner or later, I will still have to decide it..

I enjoyed my schooldays :')

I had a lot of fun at school too. Probably too much fun.

Yea, studies..friendship..but no love..LOL

I learned a lot from this drama. And sometimes it's just funny that even after leaving secondary school life, I still find inspiration from it. The scenes above pretty much describe my feelings right now.

Credits to the video owner. As usual, thank you photoscape!

Doubts, Uncertainties, Worries

2011-03-10T23:00:00.003+08:00

"It's a great time but suddenly you're 17 and you have responsibilities. That's when you come to realise that the people around you expect you to pass that exam and go on to study at a good university" - Jira Malikool.

This relaxing period in my life is ending soon. To be really honest, I'm feeling quite nervous. I'm nervous to face the new things which are coming my way. Every night, my mind is filled with nothing but uncertainties. What should I do after the results are announced?

Then I realised a harsh fact. All these while, I've never made any huge decisions in my life. I've never faced any situation which requires me to fully think on my own, situations which will later bring me to either something good or something bad based on my own decision. That is the only thing which is making my heart ache a lot now.

Yesterday, I was this cheerful secondary school kid, exchanging jovial acts with my fellow friends and now, I've realised that I'm in my final stage of all those days. In just a few days, I'm going to embark this journey of uncertainties. Truthfully, one of the journeys I fear most because what I choose today is going to determine my future. And I'm still in doubt of all my decisions.

Am I alone? Am I the only one thinking of this? Will all of my dreams become reality? What should I do next? These questions are killing me.

Whatever lies ahead, wherever my future takes me to, at least I'm very sure of something. God has plans for me. Only thinking of that makes me feel better.

"A single day can determine the rest of your life". Really?

This is one of the most honest entries from me.

Yours Truly,
Fee

On TV Today

2011-03-09T14:55:00.004+08:00

Watched Detective Conan just now and guess what was going on in today's episode? It was quite funny because Mitsuhiko (and not Conan) solved the case in just a 30-minutes episode. It was funny to me. Normally if the case is solved by Conan, it will take 2 episodes. What an irony.

And because I had too much time to kill, I watched this too

Don't get me wrong, I am not an avid fan of sinetrons. However, this one is so hard to forget about. Whenever I think of doing something else instead of watching this, I would always find myself magically already sitting comfortably on the sofa with eyes glued to the screen of my family's 21 inch Panasonic TV.

Honestly I don't really like this drama because it's too dramatic and to make matters worse, what I'm watching right now is only half of the complete series. After doing some research on-line, I found out that it has more than 200 episodes. WHAT?!

However, like I said just now, it's too good to be missed. The actors and actresses are soooo awesome in acting, they just made the whole thing look real. The tears, the smiles, oh gosh - not to mention their looks. Everyone has this unbelievably beautiful facial skin that causes me to sometimes curse whenever they zoom the cameras because the actresses (even the actors) do not have a single blackhead on their noses. Yeah I love typing out long sentences to make it sound wahhhhh.

In today's episode, Ilham confessed to his dad that he loves Safa. And he cried. That girl is one lucky girl.

Drama after drama, I realise that it's not going to end even after I enter college life. I mean, this sinetron this not ending soon so I'm pretty much wasting my time because there will be a slim chance that I'll be able to watch the final episode, especially if I will be away from home after the results are announced.

That was my story about what happened on TV today :P

Classmates

2011-03-08T15:07:00.006+08:00

It's been a few months since I left my life as a secondary school student. The part I hate most is the boredom because my social life is half dead without school. I don't go out to watch movies with friends, I've never been in a car which is driven by any of my friends, I never went shopping with anyone besides my family. Call me a lifeless nerd. I don't care. I do have a life anyway.

Back to the topic. I used to think that half of these 34 kids were strangers of my life, suddenly appearing to be my classmates when Form 4 life started. If you read my previous posts and my school journal, you'll realise how much I hated my Form 4 days. I didn't adapt to the changes well, I missed my old classmates since Form 1 to Form 3. Little did I know that these 34 kids are the ones that I'm going to appreciate most when my schooldays end.

Entering Form 5, I started to love my classmates. That made me forget about my old classmates and I came out with a new theory. Your Form 4 and Form 5 classmates will be your friends for life. No matter how much you'll forget about your school life, you will always remember your final year classmates. ~~Especially when there are rivalry between classes~~ >:-)

In case I forget about them someday, I've decided to write about them today.

Aaron - Sometimes I think he's not the same age as me. I mean in some aspects of life, he's older (like how he drives). He's a bit crazy, sometimes annoying to some teachers, but he's OK to me. He makes the class laugh a lot so that's one great thing to think about him.

Arbut - The most lovable guy in the class. Everyone in the school, including teachers, love him. I don't know the secret to his success. I'll never forget him because I bought a second hand Harry Potter novel from him.

Aldrin - Honestly if there was no Facebook, I would never have the chance to communicate with this guy. A nice guy, but I never talked a lot with him.

Alex - A quiet guy, but in same same time friendly. He just doesn't talk too much.

Alice - I know she loves Kpop a lot. Seldom talked to her, but yeah she's a nice girl.

Angela - I will never forget this girl, the one I still text with ever after SPM. She's the closest to me during my Form 5 days besides Dila n Eppy. She's loud at times, guys love her because she's cute and she loves Physics because to her, it's just common sense.

Avy - The most genius student in my class. Despite being a consistent top-scorer, she blends well with everyone in the class. Proof:

Pick Yee - Class captain! Very queit person, but yea she's of course a nice girl.

Jun Li - My classmate since Form 1. The friendliest person you'll ever meet!

Su Hui - A really sweet girl. What more can I say? :)

Ai Ley - She loves anime. That's all I know about her. Ahaha.

Cynthia - The next genius after Avy. Super great in Add Maths.

Dila - The closest to me (of course, because she sat next to me in the class). Also closest to me besides Ann and Eppy. I love her because she's very nice to me even though we seem to have a lot of differences. She's also my main victim when it comes to storytelling. Most of the time she listens to whatever story I share although I know most of them are boring. One of the persons who I appreciate most during my schooldays.

Eppy - The prettiest in the class, or should I say the prettiest person in the entire school? I love it when she gets crazy (especially during assembly, after we retired from becoming prefects). We joke a lot, and I have to say I have a lot of nice school memories with this person.

Gab - He loves pretty girls. He plays the guitar far better than me even though he started learning when we were in Form 4. I still see him when I go to church LOL. Most of the pics of our From 5 days comes from his camera.

Gareth - I LOVE HIS GUITAR SKILLS! A very nice person.

Harvie - The only person who became my classmate for the longest period of time, which is since Primary 5. Harvie is a super awesome guy friend. I will always remember him as my Chemistry table-mate!

Helen - A very nice girl. She doesn't like taking pictures. Sometimes funny in class. Likes teasing people in a friendly way :D

Hycellema - Quiet, but once you listen to her (especially during ujian lisan) wow you will fall from your chair.

Jessie - Doesn't talk much, but when she talks you'll know she's friendly.

Lan Yien - Wowowow..super duper hardworking and studious girl. After the trial exams before SPM, we didn't even see her because she was on a study leave. And we were still goofing around while trying to grasp Add Maths :P

Su Nyuk - Very quiet person but yeah once you listen to her speaking English you will fall from your seat.

Lenny - I ~~hate~~ hated him. Sometimes I hate him, sometimes I like him. He's not that evil, it's just that errr haha. I still remember when my other classmates boo to him, I'm the type of person who would generously add my voice too haha. Don't want to elaborate more, later he'll kill me :D

Leslie - A silent joker I call him. I almost forgot about this, but here's what I found in my journal: "My favourite is when Leslie can throw out a pen by using his knuckles. This dude is cool!" Towards the day when SPM was getting closer, he always asked me Add Maths questions even though he knew how bad I was in Add Maths :P

Jin Cheng - The dude with the melodious voice. His charming looks is also something easy to be remembered :P

Kah Chun - The only boy in the top 10. Extremely smart in Add Maths. Owns a smart look. I always say he looks like the Minister of Health and also our Add Maths teacher.

Marc - I talk to him sometimes, but never really had a chat with him. Good boy category :D

Mav - The mamat jiwang rock. Inseparable twin to Azzuan. Owns a red kapok which became my victim some time ago. I did post something about that incident not long ago. I talk to this guy a lot. Well, not too lot but not seldom too.

Azzuan - The newcomer. The smiling ladykiller. He actually has this unique, natural sweet smile. Everyone agrees with this statement. Inseparable twin to Mav. Proof:

Shikin - A very nice person. She's the tallest girl in the class. She doesn't talk much, but yea she's friendly.

Shue - Hardworking in studies, sometimes crazy in the class :D

Yik Yee - Friendly girl, also very hardworking in studies.

Ghee Seng - When it comes to being a leader, this dude is always one of them. Teachers love him. A lot.

Viviana - She always asked me my secrets in studying as if I'm one genius student :D A nice person, but rather quiet in class. I talk to her at times, especially when waiting for the BM club meeting to start.

Phew~ I took more that an hour to type these out. Really had to choose the correct words and phrases to use, afraid that these people will kill me after reading this. Whatever. None of my classmates blog HAHA.

And now...presenting the picture of the day:

Hope these people remember me as a crazy, loud, awesome classmate. Just kidding. It would be enough remembering me as a nice person. Itu pun if I was really nice to you. LOL.

Photograph-Fee

2011-03-06T00:07:00.005+08:00

First and foremost, nobody in the house calls me Fee. (This is not related to what I'm going to share). Enough with the intro.

Just want to share some pics I found while digging my pen drive.

Location: Taman Rimba Sama Jaya.
Why was I there: Environmental Week
Year: 2008
~~Genre: Rock~~ Theme: Nature (?)

Location: Sarawak Cultural Village aka Kampung Budaya Sarawak
Why was I there: School Trip after PMR
Year: 2008

I ~~was~~ am one great photographer. (Self motivation, not more than that).

Cool Stuff Part III (Err..really that cool??)

2011-03-05T16:22:00.002+08:00

You Are 20% Weirdo

Your thinking is so in line with the mainstream, it's pretty freaky.

Have you ever considered running for political office?

You're so normal, people can't help but feel comfortable with you!

Are You A Weirdo?

Yay I'm normal! hahaha

You Are An ISFJ

The Nurturer

You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal.

A good listener, you excel at helping others in practical ways.

In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music.

You find it easy to be devoted to one person... a partner who you do special things for.

In love, you express your emotions through actions.

Taking care of someone is how you love them. And you do it well!

At work, you do well in a structured environment. You complete tasks well and on time.

You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.

How you see yourself: Competent, dependable, and detail oriented

When other people don't get you, they see you as: Boring, dominant, and stuck in a rut

What's Your Personality Type?

Partially correct...XD

Part IV will be coming soon. So bored~
Need to do something else right now~

Cool Stuff Part II

2011-03-05T15:56:00.003+08:00

I was blogwalking and found these stuffs so decided to try out too LOL.

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well.

An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly.

You are also good at remembering information and convincing someone of your point of view.

A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary.

You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

WHAT????...

You Are a Auditory Learner

You tend to remember what you hear, and you have a knack for speaking well.

You excel at debating, foreign languages, and music.

You would be an excellent diplomat - or rock star!

What's Your Learning Style?

Partially correct...

Your EQ is 113

You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt.

On an average day, you're quite happy, together, and content. You live your life well.

Your emotions aren't always stable, but you can go along with the ups and downs pretty well.

You tend to be motivated, energetic, focused, and level headed.

You see the world pretty rationally, and you don't tend to over dramatize things. When things are bad, you know they eventually have to get better.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

Isn't 113 a bit low? Whatever..I still like what it says there LOL

You Are 40% Left Brained, 60% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning.

Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others.

If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic.

Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet.

The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility.

Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way.

If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art.

Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

OK lah..quite balanced LOL

My Life Updates

2011-03-03T14:56:00.003+08:00

Hello blog.

Everyone knows that I pretty much live a boring life, usual stuff happens and repeats every single day because secondary school life is over (I should have noticed about that months ago). Who cares. This would probably be a nostalgic post if I happen to read this again in one or two years to come.

I'll make this brief. I hate reading long, photo-less, sense-of-humour-less blog posts.

And I'll ignore grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. I will not google anything just to make sure my language is correct this time. Oops, secret revealed.

Back to topic. First of all, life is OK this week. Results are not coming out yet, so I'll continue with this unhealthy lifestyle for perhaps another one or two weeks.

Yesterday I wanted to buy the VCD of Born To Fight (yeah an awesome action movie) which has been always there since the past years everytime I make a visit to Speedy (you know that shop). I was quite unlucky that it's no longer there. It was there last month. I should have bought it earlier. Serves me right. It's quite a rare occasion when I find myself buying an original VCD/DVD. Maybe fate doesn't allow me to spend my savings on such things. Maybe it was a good sign that the VCD was no longer there. RM19.90 will remain till eternity in the pocket of my jeans.

I'm currently digging my pen drive and this damn nostalgic (sorry had to use that word again, vocab limited coz I promised not to google) feeling hit my heart once I saw dozens of videos which I downloaded from YouTube in 2008. I bet most of them are no longer available at that site due to copyright issues. Yes, I am one YouTube addict who has been seriously having a crush on YouTube and constantly signing in whenever free. To be honest, once I even felt that I love my YouTube friends more than my Facebook friends. Of course I was just kidding.

My beloved PC has fell ill for two times now and my dad took up the decision to abandon it completely, hence ending its 6 year service with us (especially me, the faithful and most caring user). I felt horribly depressed about this matter (yes, I'm serious) but as time goes by, I could only hope for a miracle to happen. There are a lot of pictures of cute actors in it, not to mention all the concert videos I've downloaded from you-know-where, the projects I made (yeah, projects..) and the awesome games I used to play a lot during my Form 2 days, and yeah mp3 files of thai music - I only have half of them backed-up in my pen drive, and the one thing I remember most, the movie I downloaded from (again) you-know-where the day before the PC fell ill again. Enough with that.

What else did I wanted to say? *blank*

This doesn't look as brief as it should be. Have to go. I mean, really have to go now.

Cool Stuff

2011-03-01T04:01:00.000+08:00

Thought this was cool so decided to put it here LOL

Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz
The higher of these two numbers below indicates which side of your brain has dominance in your life. Realising your right brain/left brain tendancy will help you interact with and to understand others.
Left Brain Dominance:	(12)
Right Brain Dominance:	(11)
Right Brain/ Left Brain Quiz

Happy New Month

2011-03-01T00:38:00.002+08:00

It's March.

This is another typical post from me.

I don't know why I'm posting this.

My language is getting badder.

I miss school a little bit, but I can still survive.

I haven't even exercised ever since I left school.

I'm still not gaining weight. This is weird.

I'm constantly on-lining at the weirdest hours of time for consecutive nights so no wonder.

The previous sentence sounds weird. Whatever. No one's reading.

Gotta go.

End of post.

Do You Still Remember?

2011-02-28T23:34:00.003+08:00

OK, time for flashbacks. Again.

I can't remember when was the last time I read a novel since the holiday started. However, I still remember one of my new year resolutions, ehem, which is to read more - so I picked up a book again yesterday. It was all because of the rain and thunder (and lightning?) which kept me away from the ~~cyber world~~ laptop/tv/earphones. I could not sleep even though it was 1am so I thought reading would be a great idea.

You might be guessing what I read. Does this ring any bells to you?

I was crazy about this when I was a little kid. I was told that I ruined a video tape (yes, video tape) of this movie belonging to my neighbour due to over-watching. Poor neighbour. I can't believe I was that evil.

Wait, I think I ruined the video tape of the first sequel. Whatever.
(p/s: that lil guy looked cute. Too bad he grew up not so handsome).

8 pages containing pictures. Helped me to remember some scenes LOL

Like any other books in my room, this one is a 3rd hand one. You don't want to see the proof to my statement, don't you? Books are just too expensive here.

Internet Addict?

2011-02-27T01:34:00.002+08:00

I didn't go online for 2 days and I felt terrible, so I guess I am one internet addict. To prove this statement, I'll tell you the signs I suffered when not going online.

1. Acute boredom.
2. Depression.
3. Oversleeping.

Well, I was wrong. I did an online test just now and found out that I'm just an "average on-line user" - which is one good sign.

Sorry for the simple post. Currently watching College Road Trip haha :)

Desperate for Jokes

2011-02-22T00:17:00.002+08:00

I thought I wanted to share this as a facebook status but later changed my mind haha. If you're desperate for something funny to laugh at and you don't even have any comic books/comedy movies, I've found out a simple step.

Just read the comments on YouTube or any entertainment blog.

Oh my, they're just funny. I can spend a very long time reading comments on YouTube videos. They're just too hilarious! Hahahahihihihoho~

People

2011-02-21T01:41:00.003+08:00

Tonight I choose to talk about people. (Wah, very formal intro).

I'm an average person when it comes to social skills. I don't hate blending around with people, but I do feel awkward when I meet people for the first time and communicate with them. If the person is friendly and talkative, it's not that bad. I wait for people to talk to me first, and I'm not the type of person who has the guts to walk around and say hi randomly to people I meet for the first time.

I don't consider myself as a friendly person. I takes a very long time for me to get used to someone and joke around with them. Reflecting back my school life, there were like only some people who I get pretty comfortable blending around with - and these people are those who I have known for one or two years. Those who I remember as friends are those who had at least left a good memory with me by what they have done - it doesn't matter how big or small it was, what matters most are the smiles and laughter. After some time, I can get pretty talkative to some people - it just depends on the time and person.

For me, dealing with people is difficult. Sometimes different people just seem to make you feel angry intentionally. I had a bad experience a few years ago. Words did make me hurt. Over the years, when I think back, it's just nothing. One person is just so different from the others and that difference causes people to either fight or blend well. I don't really care if a person is very different from me, as long as she's nice to me.

If you ask me why am I talking about this, I have the answer. Dealing with people will be one of the greatest challenges I'll face soon. There's a probability that I'll be away from home soon - well, I'm not very certain about that but it's good to prepare a good mindset early. Leaving school life also means meeting with new people you don't even know. Honestly, I feel a bit uneasy.

To wrap everything up, here's something to share:
People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.

It's a great thing to make people happy.

Thinking of You

2011-02-19T01:22:00.002+08:00

I'm thinking too much about you lately. I even think that I'll be able to write a song about you. Almost every night I think about you. I can't wait to see you, but in the same time I'm nervous too.

Results. WHEN will you come out??

Thanks!

2011-02-18T02:43:00.002+08:00

Just thinking that I need to say thank you before I go to bed tonight.

Thank you for texting with me.

Thank you for the comments.

Thank you for chatting.

Sounds trivial, yet these simple things made me feel happy.

(Yeah I sound weird) :P