Stop

OK, stop reading and start scolding.

I'm so sorry that I'm here instead of studying. I'm so sorry that actually I was doing my Bio report when suddenly I stopped.

Because the rain stopped me.

God, forgive me for breaking my promise, but when inspiration came, I just couldn't stop it. I'll make this post fast.

I wrote a song in 40 minutes, which was, in fact, completed a few milliseconds ago.

Stop
(Listen to the Rain)

There's too much music in life
With earphones on, we're singing songs
We think it can make us survive

Why search for something so far?
Why do we yearn for other sounds
When the closest one is where we are

Sitting alone
In this darkness of the night
With the music on
Everything's gone
I'm just floating like a kite

I close my eyes
Asking God why
When suddenly
It came to me
The raindrops from the dark sky

Pre-chorus
We try so hard sometimes
To force all things to rhyme
God gave us music in the simplest thing
But are we still going to sing?

Chorus
Why don't you stop, stop?
Listen to the rain, rain
Don't waste your time to think
Of the things you can't explain

Stop (stop)
Listen to the rain
Feel the breeze hitting your ears
Let go of all your fears
Tonight there's no more tears
________________________________

Let me tell you what happened.

I was doing my report and I thought that listening to some music might be nice to kill the boredom. Well I chose to listen to some songs which are not that helpful anyway, yeah, the ones that just happened to be in my playlist because I loved them years ago.

Then suddenly I felt raindrops hitting on my face as I was (and am) sitting next to a window which was (is?) wide opened.

Then I thought of how I spend most of my time with my headphones/earphones on, as a way to escape the noises around me, especially when I'm in class and I'm just tired of the noises I don't want to listen to. Or on the bus when the radio station just happens to kill my eardrums. Or when I feel emo, I just don't want to hear the voices of people around me.

It made me feel that if I choose to still shut my ears with my headpones when it's raining outside, I'm missing out a naturally played music which only comes once in a while, not like those voices, not like those songs.

So this song was written.

No, listening to songs is not wrong. And yes, some people might not like the sound of the raindrops. And uh, after asking people to smell the rain, now it's listen to the rain.

By the time I have free time to record this, I might have forgotten how it sounds like.

So let's just see how things will go.

Scold me for not studying.

----

I can't study alone because I will tend to have so many questions in my mind, and those questions will be left unanswered.

I can't study in a group because everyone's ahead of me, I just don't get what they're talking about.

Complaining.

Attitude of a loser.

What to do.

Brain says: I guess it's just you and me now, buddy. You gotta help yourself. 

Aaaaaa. 

- - - - - -

"Sister, don't let him hold it, he spoils everything given to him", the little girl warned me.

"Last time, he broke the strings of someone else's guitar." I assume it must be a guitar belonging to another visitor of that home.

I could see disappointment in the little boy's eyes.

If I were to be in his position, I will feel the hurt too. The pain of not being trusted. The pain when someone touches about your past mistake, reminding you that you're bound to repeat it.

Who cares about a broken string. Or six broken strings.Who cares about dropping a guitar. Who cares about scratches.

I decided to let him hold it and pose for a few photos.

His expression?

Priceless.

Little boy, may you become a guitarist one day, and find the joy in not just holding a guitar and posing for a photo with it, but also in making music with it to express what's hidden in your heart. :)

___________

And for everyone who put a lot of effort for today, thanks for the valuable experience. :)

September

How the time passed away
All the trouble that we gave
And all those days we spent out by the lake
Has it all gone to waste
All the promises we made
One by one they vanish just the same

Of all the things I still remember
Summer's never looked the same
The years go by and time just seems to fly
But the memories remain
In the middle of the September
We'd still play out in the rain
Nothing to lose but everything to gain
Reflecting now on how things could've been It was worth it in the end

Now it all seems so clear
There's nothing left to fear
So we made our way by finding what was real
Now the days are so long
That summer's moving on
We reach for something that's already gone

We knew we had to leave this town
But we never knew when and we never knew how
We would end up here the way we are
Yeah we knew we had to leave this town
But we never knew when and we never knew how
_________________________________________________

I love songs about memories. And memories are created through friendship. I haven't laughed so much like tonight for a very long time. 

Yeah, time seems to fly..people come and go in our lives, but at least the memories will remain, like tonight, and like so many other days in my life here in this small town.

I wish I had more time to write a song, now that I have it halfway written inside my head... :(

Why Am I Here?

I promised with so many people that I will change, that I will try my best, that I will spend more time studying and less time on Facebook.

But not many know that trying to change is not that easy.

I admit, my past failures were all caused by no other person than myself.

After trying not to be on blogger and Facebook for one week, and not holding the guitar at all for so long, I finally realised that it is possible to change after all.

The process of breaking free from addiction is hard.

I found that some of my principles were challenged to the point that I became someone who I couldn't recognise. 

A few days ago, the cheerful part of me vanished.

Not many realised. But those who are like siblings to me in this place, they realised. I just couldn't pretend because when I'm quiet, that means there's something wrong. 

Anyway, back to the topic, why am I here?

I just want to correct things.

I just learnt that I can't become who I'm not. I need God in my life. I can never trade my walk with God with anything else, not even my studies. I need friends in my life. I can't be that person trying to chase straight As but never cared to do life together with the people around. 

Tonight, and so many days before this, I just know that although sometimes I like being alone, although sometimes I do deal with my doubts and get disappointed with people, I just know that if I never knew God, I would never experience and appreciate what I'm having now. Today, I might be busy chasing my dreams to achieve my own miracle, but I just want to change what I've stated before this. I don't want to trade these dreams with anything. If there is something I need to trade, let it be my addictions, my pessimism, my fears. Not my relationship with Jesus, and not my relationship with people.

Because in the end, when I'll be able to achieve what I believe I can do, I want to take a glance back, and smile as I remember how my fellowship with God and His people has enabled me to persevere no matter how tiring it was and is going to be, and no matter where this road leads me to.