That Window

16th March 2013, 7.26pm - 7.29pm.

I created this gif many months ago (photos were taken in March). This was the view from my window back in Akasia. I lived in Block 8, by the roadside and next to the basketball court which separates the block from the petrol station. During exam time I would be annoyed by the high-pitched voice of the songs heard from the petrol station played because of some random mini promos. At night I would enjoy the midnight breeze, and laugh alone sometimes when I hear an annoying customised honk from a car which would pass by quite frequently. My block was never completely quiet, there were sounds of vehicles all the time. I got used to it after some time. I witnessed a lot of things through this window - a minor motorcycle accident, a father yelling harshly to his little boy while walking by, birds flying back to their nests when it's about to rain, cloud movements, lightnings, falling leaves. I really do miss this window a lot. :)

I have a lot of other photos taken at this similar spot in various weathers. I'll see if I have time to make another gif and post it here.

Last Day

I made a decision to go to college for the final time before I head back to my hometown tomorrow. As an overly-nostalgic person, I took a stroll around college, my camera in one hand. I snapped pictures the moment the sun had just risen. I stopped at some places, smiled alone while I recollected the memories.

Words cannot describe how thankful I am to have been here for the past two years. I met bad people, good people, annoying people, inspiring people. Going to college used to be something so tiring to do, yet now, thinking back, how I wish I had put in mind earlier that all of these are going to end after all. Perhaps if I reminded myself about that earlier, I could've appreciate this place more.

While taking a stroll at my classroom block, I coincidentally met my Maths lecturer Miss Lee, who said she is going to leave tomorrow. Talking to her made me realise that I actually appreciate so much of what she has done. It reminded me of all the random moments I would knock her door to ask for help in Maths. It didn't happen very frequently though. I only started to like her more in my final semester. Ah well, things always seem to get better when they're coming towards an end, don't they? 

I don't know why am I feeling this way. All of my friends had left, and I'm like the only one still here. It was my own choice. I wanted to feel my final moments here. Yet, it's still very sad to be the last person. I hugged so many people and watched so many people leave. 

In two months time, I hope I'll be able to come back here with a smile, although by then there might be no one left here to thank. 

I guess what I'm trying to say is that when we reach a certain point of a stage, and when it's finally the time to leave, it always feels weird. We know that things will never be the same. Some people may not be there in the future. Our feelings may change.

It's OK. Maybe that's the point of life. We come, we leave, we say goodbyes. We learn, we grow, then..

we move on.

Thank you INTEC, for all of the things that had happened. There were indeed so many crappy days. Days when I thought that the sky was about to fall. Days when I felt like running back home. Yet still, there were also some days when I really didn't want everything to end so fast. Days when I just laughed along with my friends and wish we never had to say farewell. It's been an incredible two-year journey. 

Stesyen berikutnya, Kuching.

Next station, Kuching.

Read that one in the voice of the KTM lady.

Fee, ALM12M8.

INTEC library computer lab, Computer A10.

9.54am, 27/06/2013.

Interview

I have more time to blog during exams compared to after exams. Oh the irony.

These past few days had been so tiring yet so memorable. Waking up with abdomen ache is like nothing compared to the memories and experiences that I have gained. I am now in another room in another block, still haven't done my packing yet, and still clueless about one thing:

RAWRGHZZZ I HAVE AN INTERVIEW TOMORROW!

I don't feel like Googling anything up, especially those abstract stuff because I don't want to fake my answers and appear as a robot which memorised everything. But but..my laziness to Google means I don't have the slightest idea about those general issues. All I know is that cancer is a tumour which arises when the rate of cell division is greater than the rate of apoptosis. Just because the word apoptosis is there, I can remember. I know this is totally unrelated, but I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't know about the haze, or about any other diseases, or about any advancement or latest news in the medical field.

Whyyyyyy.

And I'm still undecided, whether to wear baju kurung or formal office wear. I'm a lousy person in making decisions. I still haven't arranged my certificates. I'm a pro procrastinator. I haven't ironed a single thing or check my black shoes whether it has been fungi-fied or not. I just want everything to end fastttt.

Please la tomorrow I want an easy question. Maybe something that I have blogged about. Abstract questions will be far better than informative ones. I'm more of a philosopher than a science student who reads scientific journals and textbooks. Aaaaaa.

Thankful

I survived 2 weeks of study leave + 7 weeks of exams.

These 9 weeks were the most critical weeks of my life so far. Dramatic, yeah, but honestly, I'll tell you a secret. These 9 weeks really meant a lot to me. Even if I don't make it well at the end of this journey, I have a lot of things to thank God for, and these are the things I am thankful for throughout this 9 weeks.

(I may miss out a few things, or perhaps a lot, because I believe there are so many things to be thankful for).

1. I got the help that I needed in my studies.

2. I began to think optimistically.

3. I did not shed a single tear of fear throughout these 9 weeks.

4. God took care of my health.

5. God took care of my safety.

6. Nothing big and bad happening throughout exam time.

7. I had friends to eat with, to talk to, to support and encourage one another.

8. I enjoyed basketball and studies equally.

9. I had enough sleep (perhaps more than enough..)

10. I never felt this peaceful in Akasia, as in having this unexplainable peace..like..zero depression?

Throughout my 2 years living here, there were days (many days) where I stared blankly on my Maths book, trying to understand the questions, but in the end give up and break down in disappointment. I was afraid it was going to happen during this exam season. Because when it happens, I know myself. It's very had for me to get up again. And because that didn't happen, I am very thankful, even if, even if things won't turn out the way I expect it to be.

God, it's all now in Your hands. I've done my part, and my prayer is simple. In two months time, I don't want to have any regrets.

Midnight Musings #2

Fourteenth June. Oh time flies. 

I was sitting here last night, thinking about how I wish all of these will never have to end. It came into my mind, that scary thought of how separations can be forever. As a person who can feel too nostalgic at times, I find it hard to think of the future and how things are going to eventually change.

I look at the photo of my class on the wall, and ask myself will I be able to stand in that group for another picture in the future? Or is July going to be the last month I'm going to see them, perhaps for the last time in my life as well? My classmates for two years, some I found annoying at first, but now, the opposite. The lecturers who inspired and helped me, will I have the chance to thank them? Or will everything be merely a phase that will pass by, forgotten?

My calendar is full of crosses, marking the last few weeks I'm going to be in this place.

I am left with three final chances to do whatever I can to balance off the marks of my other unit papers, which will determine my future. 

I did some revision on Integration, one of the topics I dread the most, and Miss Lee's reaction a few months ago made me smile alone.

"Oh God, you can't even differentiate!" (She was referring to differentiation, that Maths topic).

How I wish I can run to her office now, telling her that differentiation didn't give me a huge problem in my previous unit paper. It is Integration that scares me more.

As much as I hate how stupid I was for giving up so early last time, I am actually truly grateful that since last April, I've been improving so much. I can't prove my own words, but all of these made me regret for the moments I felt hopeless about myself. If only I didn't give up, if only I had the confidence earlier, things would've been different.

Yet I believe that there's a reason for everything that has happened.

Last April Mr. William asked what happened to me in the previous semesters.

I said I thought everything would be too late for me to fix the situation I was in, and perhaps I won't be able to make it after all. But then, I woke up, as in woke up, realising that I still had the chance to change things.

He asked me what made me realise about that?

And I said I was tired of being depressed. Tired of giving up. And to be very honest, I was very tired.

I was so tired sitting in class with the eagerness to participate, but not being able to do so due to my lack of understanding in all of the subjects. I was tired of doing badly in topic tests, which eventually gave me no hope for end of semester exams. I was tired of failing to copy the notes before the lecturers switched to the next slides. I was tired of sitting in that corner of the class, being nobody.

Now that I let go all of my fears, I can see clearly on how being depressed had drained out so much of my spirit and enthusiasm. Do I regret for being such a fool? Yes. But looking back, there wasn't a thing that I could've done back then to help myself. I was trying to grow up. I didn't do well. But I certainly didn't walk away empty-handed.

With the remaining days I have, I just want to make this final episode in Shah Alam a life lesson worth remembering and sharing, because I know the pain of having a loser perspective, and I wouldn't want to see another kid living like how I used to be in my first three semesters here.

INTEC really gave me a lesson I will certainly remember until the day I die, no matter where my future leads me to, and no matter what kind of adult I will turn out to be in years to come.

Alright, time to get back to Maths..

Garg

Garg is supposed to sound like those crows in Akasia.

Anyway..

I just crossed out tomorrow's date (and paper) from my handmade calendar on the wall, and exclaimed garg! coz it was obviously a mistake. 

My mind is so disoriented I don't even know am I supposed to laugh or cry, or do both. If I have no paper tomorrow, I would've already shoot balls outside. I mean, shoot basketballs. Or shoot ONE basketball, repeatedly. Whatever.

Before my paper started I was left with a question which required me to make a decision, and I'm obviously bad in making decisions, probably because of a faulty frontal lobe. So brain asked brain "Hey brain, what do you think I should do?"

And then brain froze.

Brain needs to unfreeze.

BRAIN, WHY YOU LIKE TO THINK TOO MUCH??

Goodbye AS

Some farewells happen without any goodbyes.

I was thinking of that line last night. Thinking of writing a song. But I don't have my guitar, so I guess I need to wait for one more month.

Anyway, back to the topic, my AS papers are officially over - which means I'm more than halfway through everything. It is indeed a remarkable achievement, regardless of the outcome, I'm thankful that I've pulled through this far.

One of my lecturers told me that luck plays its role in exams.

It's hard to agree or disagree, but the statement that followed sounded like this,

"If you did well before this, it's not a reason to be proud. If you didn't do well, don't get discouraged."

And one of my classmates just told me that as long as we do our best, everything's going to be fine.

Remarkable how words can inject the courage in us. 

I sound as if I'm contradicting my own statements in my previous entries, but yeah, that just happens sometimes. Whatever happens in the future, I'm thankful for having friends and lecturers who have been there once to encourage me. They don't have to be there all the time. That's life. I realise the truth that some people will only be in your life for a season and there's an obvious reason behind that. We grow. We learn, then move on.

Before I get philosophical, now I declare it's time to get ready for basketball, then dinner, then revision.

June

Hunger struck me as I (almost) completed my marathon of 160 Chemistry objective questions.

Of course, when hunger strikes at night, I won't think of biscuits or bread.

It's always those kind of meaty, oily, crunchy, salty stuff which will end up in my mind.

Upon seeing my final packet of instant noodle which has been lying inside the plastic bag for at least two months, I shallowed hard, weighing the pros and cons of having instant noodles two days before a Bio paper that I would dream to ace.

Not that I'm not eating preservative-rich food at all..but somehow what my dad always reminds me makes me scared that my already-not-so-stable state of intelligence will be further affected. 

Then..my eyes landed on that cylindrical air-tight container which has been remained untouched..for probably half a semester. Chocolate-flavoured milk powder. Nestum. And good old oat. Yucks. Of course when I first bought them it was the starting of the semester, and there was this weird determination of eating healthy stuff. But as time goes by, well..I get tired of healthy food.

Tonight apparently there are no other options, unless I want to change into track pants and put on my jacket, march towards the burger stall and wait for 5 minutes or so.

So I poured three tablespoons of honey into the mug containing boiling water and nestum, and suddenly remembered about that small carton of milk-flavoured-milk (again, half a semester untouched) and decided to mix it in, because chocolate-flavoured milk plus honey is beyond my willingness to swallow.

Smells good.

Whatever happens to me in a few more hours, I shall bear full responsibility.

This is lame, but somehow I love how 'interesting' life can be during the moments of desperation (a.k.a exam season). I will miss this way of life when everything will be finally over in less than a month. Well hello June. Nice to meet you.

My Weakness

I thought I've learnt my lesson, but the truth is, I only discovered how feeble I am, and how pathetic my expectations and actions are since I stepped into college.

I never believed in seeking help from others when I was in secondary school. I thought that relying on someone is not a good thing to do. Not until I entered this college..when every word thrown towards me, every action portrayed, really did matter to me. I even allowed it to be a measurement for the worth of my existence here. And that was my huge mistake, a very huge one that haunts me till this day.

I knew where did everything went wrong.

I always loved attention, I admit. I lack that in this college. When my grades deteriorated, I began to cry in silence for help, but like what I always say, the adults in this cruel little town don't give a damn. This is college, they say. Buck up, they say. Either way that I've chosen, yes I've chosen both ways, I started to see how and why I shouldn't have taken those choices.

For three semesters I've chosen silence and anger.

Thirteen days before my real final exams, I've chosen to have courage and seek help.

What did I get for the past three semesters of silence? Bitterness. The sense of worthlessness. Anger. Emptiness.

When I searched for help and put aside my shame and fear?

I received a mixture of things.

I received words that encouraged me. I received help that I needed. I began to see my dreams once again, and have the desire to chase it. But I made a mistake. I placed my hopes too high on human, and to tell you the truth, when the very same person who told you "you can do it" can no longer be there to tell you the same thing, the previous statement can become meaningless.

I was wrong in so many ways, to have been too dependent on others to point out my strengths for me, because in the end, the cycle will repeat, and I will have to say to myself, "I guess it's just you and me, buddy. Just you and me."

Three more weeks to go before everything ends, I can say that every grown-up in Shah Alam gave up on me. Not a single one sincerely tried to help me till the end. Pathetic right? I'm 20 years old, but I sense inside me there's this kid screaming for a grown-up to tell me I will make it and I am not a hopeless person. 

In the end, I just see it this way, it is my weakness - to think too nicely about something, that would in the end cause me to float for help once again. No one cared in the first place. It was just me who hoped too much.

*Sorry for some mild cursing. Not depressed..just trying to put my thoughts into words that I can read back in the future.

End of..Week 2

More challenging weeks ahead.

The days are indeed more interesting when something is coming towards its end. The weather has started to get breezy again, nights are still filled with mosquitoes, there are moments of lame jokes, sometimes boredom strikes, yet I have to admit this month is unique in its own way.

Week 2 of exams has officially ended, and my prayer before sitting for a certain paper is always the same. I just want to get out of that hall without any regrets. Keeping myself happy is my major concern at this moment.

For that very reason, it's good to have extra large meals after a paper, then go to have a super long nap before resuming to..of course, revising.

Teacher's day had passed (and Mother's day too..sorry for not making any entries about this) and yesterday I took the chance to thank some teachers in secondary school, which made me realise that showing appreciation when you no longer see that person is far easier to do. And of course, conveying them in written messages are way easier that speaking them out. I wanted to wish some lecturers as well..but I guess it's not the usual stuff people do in college. To be honest, there are some lecturers who I really want to thank from the bottom of my heart, and I promise if I make it for A-Levels, a text message is surely going to land in their inbox.

So yeah, life goes on (almost) like normal..

And random stats of the day: Officially four weeks without guitar. Six days without basketball. Guitar I don't mind, for I'll still have the chance to play when I get back home. Basketball..this court next to my hostel block is the best I ever had in my life. I won't have a single chance to play in Kuching.

Exams, Basketball...and Reflections

Describe this month in two words.

Easy.

Exam. And basketball.

While it's pretty sad to witness the disappearance of calluses on my left fingertips, I've been discovering a new hobby which might as well turn into my new passion. Basketball.

Not that it's so new to me, but before this I always felt obligated to do other stuffs rather than to go out and play. However since I no longer have my guitar with me (last time I held a friend's guitar was more than three weeks ago), I'm finding another way to make myself happy. Come on, I'm tired of being depressed all the time.

In 2011, when I first joined an official basketball match (for INPRO), I couldn't even make a free throw.  (I was just a substitute by the way..) And despite learning how to dribble a basketball at an early age, I only got the chance to meet again with a basketball hoop when I was in Form 5.

Just a few days ago, I discovered that I can shoot the ball into the hoop from the foul line without even having to jump. That was something impossible, months ago. Haha. And when I attempted a three-pointer, I managed to get at least two in. Oh the joy of having to see some progress..

...which applies to studies as well. I no longer see Stats like chicken liver, so hard to chew and swallow. I no longer call myself a loser, and I never will again.

This month is so beautiful in its own way. It's sunny and windy almost everyday. 

No matter where I end up in the future, I have to admit, I cannot erase these last few moments in INTEC from my memories. 

On Hiatus

Hello readersss (echoes..)!

I just came back from an awesome three-hour new discovery of Calvin Cycle and other short stories (Yays!) thanks to my very helpful lecturer and it (the whole motivation slash post-mortem slash tutoring session) made me realise that it's time to get serious (not that I never realised..) and I'm not as stupid as I thought I was/am. (Go ahead, laugh).

I've been realising that talking too much and not proving anything is such a crappy thing to do, so I'm posting this stuff today, although honestly I've been thinking about it for so long. 

Will be coming back when I feel like coming back and of course, I'm trying to keep my life as normal as possible during this coming two-month period. Friends, Facebook and basketball are still in the picture. I just want to make this last few months in this place memorable and worth of remembering, that's all.

And of course, I want to fly, and I believe I can fly.

OHHH WHYY

Then I see it's been raining, that's why.

If you get what I mean..

Waking up from a two-hour nap (to be precise, 1 hour and 45 minutes nap) filled with...

..regret.

Ohhh why. I will pay back those precious two hours. I promise. By doing Maths.

Or probably it's because of doing Maths for the whole morning & noon, I fell into unconscious state for two hours. Talk about a brain that's not trained enough to endure Maths (#excuses).

Anyway it's been a fruitful morning, so I'll make sure it'll be a fruitful day as well. :) Although I'm sad I can't play basketball today...

45 Days To Go

..45 days to go before my first A-Level exam paper.

Blogging? Ain't nobody got time fo dat.

Don't play play with me when I'm serious. I sacrificed my guitar for a month. It's not difficult to sacrifice anything else. 

I remember those who told me I can't, those who looked me in the eyes and doubted my capabilities, those who talked to me as if I never tried.

Now's not the time for me to think of them.

Express my feelings? Ain't nobody got time fo dat.

Farewells and Dreams

Sitting in the backseat of the van, enjoying the night breeze, I let my imagination run as I ponder and smile upon so many different moments in my life.

One by one, I watch them leave.

I go to the very same place, take pictures, exchange hugs and nice words, and try to not think of the future.

Farewells. 

I've been so used to it right now, it fact it's one of the most frequent things that happens in my life. Maybe yours too.

KLIA.

Thirteen years ago, it meant something else. Not until last year, I stepped into that place again, reminding me of how time flies. Now, it means something beyond that. 

It's a place of farewells. And dreams.

As I looked into my friends' faces, I just can't help to think that one day we're all going to be strangers to each other once again. One by one, we leave. We have new friends. New environments. We change. Both you and me. Things will never be the same again. I no longer have that feeling I had when I left secondary school and my class 'gang'. Maybe tomorrow I'll no longer have this feeling too towards these people.  

Nevertheless, the memories will still be able to make me smile. The pictures might remind me of something. The previous me may no longer be the future me. Yet still the friendship, the hugs, the tears, the laughter, they're all so valuable.

I stood there. Pointed there. And said to myself.

In a few months time, I'm going to be the one leaving.

I wasn't sure of my words, I never was. But I still dream big. I still want it to happen.

Well it's been a rough day, a tough week. Started by a simple mistake of forgetting to bring a piece of tutorial sheet to class, which caused my lecturer to look at me with that kind of  face as if saying "Oh, no wonder you're that failing student."

I don't know if I'm just imagining stuffs, but I know. I know I'm nobody yet. 

This long long day made me think so much. Friendship, farewells, grades, my life.

Trial exams in less than a week. I'm still feeling empty everywhere. I'm still tired, missing my guitar, missing the entertainments I used to run to as a way to escape. But I don't want to regret. And I don't want to feel stressed. These final few months here, all I want to do is smile, get amazed by little things, forget my anger, forgive myself, laugh along the jokes, and just be myself.

KLIA. Akasia. My CA friends. 

In the future, I want to look back at these three, and tell myself I lived here for two years with no regrets.

One by one, I watch them leave.

And I'll be one of them too.

Millimetres to Fall

So..the moment I thought I should stop writing songs, I wrote another one. It was originally a line mentioned by my friend when I was standing near a drain one afternoon in January. "Millimetres to Fall" sounded nice as a song title, I thought to myself.

I'm back from the holidays now. Uploaded the song on YouTube just a day after composing it, as I was rushing before I had to head back here. This is definitely not the best recording I could have done, and not as good as "Silence" which is still my favourite. 

Millimetres to Fall is a song about falling. Nothing hidden inside the lyrics. It's just plain, simple and a bit emo, but it's an honest stuff from me. 

And sorry for the loud vocals. I ain't good at singing.

I didn't bring my guitar here. I'll have to endure another month without a guitar. Sad, but I guess I have a lot of proving and sacrificing to be made. Ah well. Life goes on.

12M8

Took me almost two years to finally realise that I'm actually in a great class, surrounded by amazing people.

I'm actually grateful that I ended up in this class, this program, and not other classes instead. At least now I can say that I'm happy to be part of 12M8.

Not that I'm dying or what, but it's sometimes nice to ponder that one day we'll all go separate ways and become strangers to each other once again.

Till then, it's moments like these which I shall appreciate and smile at.

P/S: Holidays have just started. Bio test was terrible. I'm in the mood of preparing for trials. Oh yeah.

Brain-Lag

I have Bio Unit 5 class test tomorrow.

1. Opened a past year paper and started reading the first question, which goes like

The unwanted plants growing in a field of cereal crops are called weeds. 

Selective weedkillers can be used on fields of cereal crops. These kill broad-leavedweeds, without harming the cereal plants. 

(a) Describe an experiment to investigate the effect of a new selective weedkiller in afield containing cereal plants and broad-leaved weeds.

And I was like..I can't recall any of these stuff from Topic 7...and definitely not in Topic 8...

Took me about a minute to realise I was actually opening Unit 6b. Sobs.

2. I had to rush to bathe just now..just because I thought it's a Thursday, and I almost walked downstairs to the bus stop because I thought we're having iCA.

Texted a friend to ask in which room is iCA gonna meet...had my sweater and studend ID on..

Only to realise that today is Wednesday.

3. Humming like someone so bahagia after buying breakfast this morning, walked to the stairs, and saw someone in front of me. Didn't care and looked back at the steps. Then brain was loading.. that's your Chemistry lecturer say good morning you idiot.

Ended up saying "Hi, miss" after passing her by.

Bad laggy brain day. Aaaaa.

Haha

It's not easy to find myself having the ability to write something happy on this blog.

Today seems to be an exception.

For the past few weeks in January, life has been going on as usual with a lot of mundane days where I find myself repeating the same cycle of eat-sleep-study-cry-laugh.

Today's a bit...unusual.

I've been training myself to wake up at 5.30am lately, and yes, it is possible, but only if I sleep at 10. Last night's been a great moment of returning into the worship team and going for worship practice. Made me remember about the things which I have forgotten. 

So I woke up late because I went to bed late. And just when I thought I couldn't grab something for breakfast, I actually managed to spare some time for it and reach college just in time before Chemistry started.

Lessons were..well, ah I'm skipping this part.

Two hours of Bio...arms felt like tercabut copying the notes...

Then a good recess, having a debat kedai kopi with my classmates regarding a few topics like being in a relationship, getting married, etc. I can't believe it turned out to be a good discussion with varied opinions.

Next was Campus Revo...which was good despite the small number. Successor asked about new year resolutions. I can't believe I don't really remember what I typed on this blog earlier this year. I made a brief summary of three points:

1. Fall in love with Jesus.
2. Get out of this place with no regrets.
3. Make my parents happy.

After that..I had to run back to class...

...for another two hours of Bio lecture. Which is certainly not boring when you have an enthusiastic lecturer, but honestly tiring for me to sit down for a long period of time because that's simply one of my weaknesses.

Towards the end of the lecture, I kept on telling my classmate sitting next to me..

"I'm gonna die..I'm gonna die".

Die, my friend, is not a good word to play around with. I'll get back to this later on.

As I sluggishly laid my head on the table, a classmate called my name and said.. "Feeeee..don't give up!"

I have amazingly funny classmates (Took me a very long time to realise about that). It sure did make me laugh.

Classes ended 30 minutes earlier with a loud sigh of relief from almost everyone (lecturer laughed about that). I walked to the bus...

...and the bus dropped us at the petrol station...

...and I almost got hit by a car thanks to my lousy skills in crossing the road.

All of a sudden...the sound of the birds chirping sounded so beautiful..and I remembered about some things I haven't been doing.

Like buying a pump for my basketball which is seriously out of air.

I decided that I could've died not being able to play basketball for the final time, so I searched high and low for a ball pump in three different shops.

The moment I returned and just when I pumped my basketball, I heard a group of girls coming towards the basketball court...

....and..there goes my dream of playing.

A duo then came, and there was a bit of misunderstanding between the two groups..because obviously no one likes to share, not even for a basketball court. I watched the entertainment from my window, smiling alone after the disappointment.

It's very hard to have a good weather in the evening in Shah Alam lately.

I wasted this evening by typing this out.

I hope tomorrow evening I'll get to play.

Then I can study happily for my Unit 2 Bio class test this Thursday.

Haha this is one lame blog post, but I'm happy today, and I guess that's a good thing. :)

ARGGHHH ARGHHH ARGGGHHHH

One thing about Bio this semester is that it doesn't let you heal or mourn over your past mistakes. After all the emoness, there's yet another test. And another. And another. I might become habituated to failure of answering the questions.

And oh, looks like Thursday ain't a holiday after all. Yayyyy.