Farewells and Dreams

Sitting in the backseat of the van, enjoying the night breeze, I let my imagination run as I ponder and smile upon so many different moments in my life.

One by one, I watch them leave.

I go to the very same place, take pictures, exchange hugs and nice words, and try to not think of the future.

Farewells. 

I've been so used to it right now, it fact it's one of the most frequent things that happens in my life. Maybe yours too.

KLIA.

Thirteen years ago, it meant something else. Not until last year, I stepped into that place again, reminding me of how time flies. Now, it means something beyond that. 

It's a place of farewells. And dreams.

As I looked into my friends' faces, I just can't help to think that one day we're all going to be strangers to each other once again. One by one, we leave. We have new friends. New environments. We change. Both you and me. Things will never be the same again. I no longer have that feeling I had when I left secondary school and my class 'gang'. Maybe tomorrow I'll no longer have this feeling too towards these people.  

Nevertheless, the memories will still be able to make me smile. The pictures might remind me of something. The previous me may no longer be the future me. Yet still the friendship, the hugs, the tears, the laughter, they're all so valuable.

I stood there. Pointed there. And said to myself.

In a few months time, I'm going to be the one leaving.

I wasn't sure of my words, I never was. But I still dream big. I still want it to happen.

Well it's been a rough day, a tough week. Started by a simple mistake of forgetting to bring a piece of tutorial sheet to class, which caused my lecturer to look at me with that kind of  face as if saying "Oh, no wonder you're that failing student."

I don't know if I'm just imagining stuffs, but I know. I know I'm nobody yet. 

This long long day made me think so much. Friendship, farewells, grades, my life.

Trial exams in less than a week. I'm still feeling empty everywhere. I'm still tired, missing my guitar, missing the entertainments I used to run to as a way to escape. But I don't want to regret. And I don't want to feel stressed. These final few months here, all I want to do is smile, get amazed by little things, forget my anger, forgive myself, laugh along the jokes, and just be myself.

KLIA. Akasia. My CA friends. 

In the future, I want to look back at these three, and tell myself I lived here for two years with no regrets.

One by one, I watch them leave.

And I'll be one of them too.

Millimetres to Fall

So..the moment I thought I should stop writing songs, I wrote another one. It was originally a line mentioned by my friend when I was standing near a drain one afternoon in January. "Millimetres to Fall" sounded nice as a song title, I thought to myself.

I'm back from the holidays now. Uploaded the song on YouTube just a day after composing it, as I was rushing before I had to head back here. This is definitely not the best recording I could have done, and not as good as "Silence" which is still my favourite. 

Millimetres to Fall is a song about falling. Nothing hidden inside the lyrics. It's just plain, simple and a bit emo, but it's an honest stuff from me. 

And sorry for the loud vocals. I ain't good at singing.

I didn't bring my guitar here. I'll have to endure another month without a guitar. Sad, but I guess I have a lot of proving and sacrificing to be made. Ah well. Life goes on.

In a Nutshell

I am having a terribly slow Internet connection.

Just a few days left before I return to the land of far far away, yet there are so many things that I haven't accomplished.

My paper is still left untouched on my table after doing some Math exercises halfway last night.

I spent all of my book vouchers just a few hours ago. And I can't believe two of the books were from the "self-enrichment" rack. Maybe the period for me to label such things as "motivational junks" is over. Ah well, no harm giving it a try.

My guitar which I used to bring to college can no longer be used (it has been confirmed). Damaged beyond repair and any effort to mend it will only make things worst, said the guy from the guitar store. So yeah, rest in peace my dear buddy. I'll never forget the moments I spent with you. When I'm free enough to write, I'll dedicate a blog post to you. 

I survived the first month of this year without my own guitar, but that was OK, I had Jing's Kapok. Next week it's not going to be there anymore. Whether I survive for 4 months without a guitar, or I bring my other cheap guitar to SA - both will cause me to face two different consequences. I dare not think about it first.

Home is great when it comes to eating and singing aloud. But unfortunately, not great as a place for studying (I am amazed that this used to be the place where I prepared for my SPM last time). 

I feel so lazy to blog, which is a good sign, and after being too attached to Facebook and Tetris Battle these past few days, I think I should take another Facebook break soon.

So don't freak out when I vanish. 

I know I'm perasan. Hahah.

*Yawns*

Now I better start reading the book about the brain. Funny when you're asking your brain to study about itself. Like "Hey brain, I'm reading about the brain." Ohkay, lame, I know.

12M8

Took me almost two years to finally realise that I'm actually in a great class, surrounded by amazing people.

I'm actually grateful that I ended up in this class, this program, and not other classes instead. At least now I can say that I'm happy to be part of 12M8.

Not that I'm dying or what, but it's sometimes nice to ponder that one day we'll all go separate ways and become strangers to each other once again.

Till then, it's moments like these which I shall appreciate and smile at.

P/S: Holidays have just started. Bio test was terrible. I'm in the mood of preparing for trials. Oh yeah.

Brain-Lag

I have Bio Unit 5 class test tomorrow.

1. Opened a past year paper and started reading the first question, which goes like

The unwanted plants growing in a field of cereal crops are called weeds. 

Selective weedkillers can be used on fields of cereal crops. These kill broad-leavedweeds, without harming the cereal plants. 

(a) Describe an experiment to investigate the effect of a new selective weedkiller in afield containing cereal plants and broad-leaved weeds.

And I was like..I can't recall any of these stuff from Topic 7...and definitely not in Topic 8...

Took me about a minute to realise I was actually opening Unit 6b. Sobs.

2. I had to rush to bathe just now..just because I thought it's a Thursday, and I almost walked downstairs to the bus stop because I thought we're having iCA.

Texted a friend to ask in which room is iCA gonna meet...had my sweater and studend ID on..

Only to realise that today is Wednesday.

3. Humming like someone so bahagia after buying breakfast this morning, walked to the stairs, and saw someone in front of me. Didn't care and looked back at the steps. Then brain was loading.. that's your Chemistry lecturer say good morning you idiot.

Ended up saying "Hi, miss" after passing her by.

Bad laggy brain day. Aaaaa.