Reality Hit Me

I was talking with my mum a few seconds ago when suddenly I thought of something that I've never thought of before. Or maybe I have thought of it, but never really given it a time to ponder upon.

I've been living in two worlds.

I might have also lived in many worlds.

To put it in a more comprehensible picture, my life has generally been divided into:

• At Scotland (sweet childhood memories) and after Scotland. (a mixture of both good and bad memories).

• At Wira Jaya (all fun and play) and at Semenggok/Penrissen (adolescence and exposure to real-life drama/overly dramatic people).

• At Intec (where life was hard but the people were the best on the planet) and after Intec (where I'm back to the Semenggok/Penrissen phase of life).

• Also not to mention MRSM where my first failure in life occured.

So that's all in all like seven worlds but some are overlapping and I don't know how to explain it.

And what makes me post this post is that I've failed to realise all this while that:

• I've been knowing the richest of the rich circle of friends (I'm talking about financially rich) and I've also known friends who are in the opposite situation.

• I've mixed with the smartest group of people in the nation, almost elite, and now I'm mixing with average achievers who are looked down upon, and I've seen some who don't even care about their grades, skipping classes, not doing assignments, dropping out and all that.

• I've mixed with the most courteous, most friendly circle of friends, and I've seen school gangsters burn rubbish bins, had a cigarette butt accidentally thrown only millimetres away from my eyebrow, and now I'm sort of living the thug life once again where I feel almost insecure of walking alone because most people are far from being courteous.

• I've heard stories of happy families, where mum and dad loves friend A so much, and I've heard stories of really not-so-happy families like friend B who has parents who don't really care about her education, or friend C whose dad remarried when she was 12, or friend D who has cut marks all over her arms, and friend D who once ran away from home. I can go on writing this list until forever. And it's barely been half a year that I've been enrolled in this new place, but many has opened up to sad sad stories.

Reality hit me that probably I came back to this old life because I didn't learn enough. I didn't open my eyes enough and I wasn't qualified to continue living the Intec kind of life where everybody seemed to be a good diverse mixture of what makes a utopian society. And the world needs bridges. The world needs people who know how to both respect those who are damn rich and damn poor. The world needs people who know not to say that rich people are arrogant and poor people are lazy. The world needs to know that we just have to respect the happy, respect the sad, respect the mentally-ill, respect those who try hard to achieve their almost impossible dreams--and if you can't respect, if you can't say a good thing out of it, learn to not give a damn. 

What am I really trying to say here? I don't know. I just feel that some people haven't seen enough of two worlds. I haven't seen enough of two worlds. And the longer I think about it, the more I hear myself say that if this is what it takes for me to stop living in my own fear, then maybe the idea of living in many worlds is a good one after all. You don't need a special programme to join in order to meet new acquaintances who face many weird things in life. It's just you, going through many levels of life, many worlds in one life, like a wild traveller who greets people along the way.

Maybe that's what life is all about, like Tetris Battle where you can always get up to another level--and also get back to the previous level if you haven't learnt enough to overcome your current level. In Tetris Battle you don't die. The game never ends--it only ends when you stop playing altogether and delete the game from your Facebook account.

It's almost illogical to go up, up, up in Tetris Battle. In one point of the game, there will be a time where you'll fall back to the previous level. And it really is a pain in the nerves. But when you've gone though both levels, you'll know that the whole game is not so bad after all.

I haven't written crap like this for so long.

Achievement Unlocked

I boarded a bus alone today. I mean..I boarded a city bus alone..from the city centre..alone..I mean in a crowd of strangers.

I used to go to school by bus for six years. Buses are cool. Buses makeyour soul feel liberated. Creaky old city buses I mean. Not the kind of air-conditioned buses I used to hop on in Intec. 

It's been a tiring week but I think this bus day really made me feel good. 

I know, I sound drunk.. Forgive me. I just miss having the feeling I had in SA--the feeling that I am old enough to take care of myself without troubling my parents.

I admit I miss being alone and not feeling awkward or scared of being alone. It's very hard to do so in my current uni. No one wants to be alone because the alonekid (I say alonekid because I don't want to say lonely)  will be called a freak. People start asking you whether you're okay when you're alone. It's like going to high school all over again..with all the stupid childish dramas and gossips. Dang, I'm going off-topic again..

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy, I really am. I just needed to rant because I have a PhD in Rantingology.