Thoughts from the workplace: Of turning 33, and others

I guess it's becoming a thing now, blogging once and then vanishing for a whole year. 

I made it to 33, the age Jesus was crucified or something?

I started being on meds again and got referred to a clinical psychologist. I got the privilege of having Dupilumab injected into my system, which helped with my eczema. I got some really nice friends at work who feed me well. Life is good, but still empty and confusing on some days. I'm getting all the help I've ever wished for, yet still I feel unhappy.

Some big things happened recently, like:

1. Turning 33
2. Buying a motorbike
3. Enjoying my appointments with my clinical psychologist and developing a crush on him
4. Moving on from my situationship and fully accepting the fact that we're better off as friends because our values do not align but we are terrific besties
5. Losing motivation on teaching 
6. Finding that lots of things are super boring
7. Basically losing the ability and drive to cook and prepare meals
8. Sending my kids to a debate competition and finding joy in it
9. Getting scared of the possibility of going to the morning session and teach upper form kids
10. Registering to get a motorbike license.

It's yet another confusing state of going through life without real excitement and basically trying lots of new stuff just for the thrill. I don't really have thoughts of ending stuff, but life is really lonely right now, BUT I am not convinced I can actually commit to having someone else in my life. Everything is just contradicting and most of the days I just face life without any real thoughts. Some days I feel like I'm wasting my life away, not really living it. Some days I try to tell myself I should just cut myself some slack. Some days I'm eager to master this Acceptance and Commitment Therapy that I'm learning from my therapist, but some days I don't have any clue on what I truly want as the outcome?

What if I actually don't really want to get better?

What if even if I feel better I won't get the things that I want now, like companion, a person as a source of comfort, a home, a place to belong?

What if my life will go on and on like this?

What really is the point of living?

What really is the point of all this?