Recognition

I was sitting in the middle row listening to my lecturer talking about 'recognition' and how being successful can make people admire you, praise your parents, and look at your possessions (brands of handbags were described in details) while pondering about how good it is to be you.

I was obviously annoyed.

If that is the definition of success, and if that is the sole purpose of being successful, then I'm afraid I don't want to be successful. 

What is life? What is success? Why do we chase it? Why do we spend so much to chase it? Why do we want to feel that sense of superiority? Why do we participate in the endless stupid game of trying to be the first in the list, to be the top among the rest, to feel the guilty satisfaction when we hear that we are in a better position compared to someone else?

I don't know what has happened to me, but I've quit thinking about living a 'professional' life. The life all of our parents want to see us in. The life that everyone admires. I've never felt this way before, to be honest. All my life I've been studying really hard on school to get to that place where I can gain recognition. And now, all of a sudden, I have a weird, strong desire to become a hippie. Or whatever you call a wanderer who is liberated from a world that is heavily politicised and monetised. 

I think I have a small modern nomad in me. And it's growing day by day. And it was dormant before I reached 21. To be honest I don't see much about what this town has in store for me. I don't know if I have any friends here and I'm the least popular member of the family when it comes to family friends. It seems like an easy place to leave. And I have a restless heart that doesn't seem to feel like being conformed in a structured system where not everyone's needs can be catered. I don't know how long can I survive this world if I don't stop realising that it's just the way this world works. Gotta deal with it, suck it up, they say. 

I don't believe in recognition. Public figures can mess up. Success can be snatched away in a matter of minutes. It's about time that we stop education our children that success equals to recognition. It's scary to think of the whole human population using money just to chase more money for the sake of praises. I don't like the truth that it's a common mindset in my neighbourhood, in my town, in the people of my ethnicity. 

It's a weird world, isn't it? People frown upon those who freely chase their passions but worship those who 'purchase' recognition.

Recognition does not equal to superiority and the titles you carry in your names.

I always tell people that my ultimate goal is to jam on a rooftop. It's not. Day and night I keep on thinking of the day when I can stop relying on my parents. I don't want any recognition from their friends and cousins. I just want to be able to support myself and not rely on them forever.

Which also means I must not mess up.

What's the big deal?, you say. Well, it is a big deal. I can't afford another mistake. Literally. Ain't nobody got money fo dat.

So screw recognition. Ain't nobody got time fo dat.