Goodbye CA

I should be sleeping now. But I ended up here, just a few days after I said I got no time to express my feelings.

"Exams are making us busier, but still I don't want to neglect my friends," a friend told me last week on the bus back to hostel. I smiled, but truthfully, I rolled my eyes. Don't we all do that, out of our own realisation, I asked myself. I missed two CAs this semester, for the first time since I came here. I missed so many other things as well, just because I needed time to study for my trials. Or so I thought. 

I got back that feeling tonight. That feeling that I need friends. That realisation that for the past few weeks, or perhaps months, I've been avoiding too many people because I thought I could've handled everything by my own. Or maybe should've, rather than could've.

Campus Alive is the best thing God gave to me in INTEC. 

Even before entering INTEC, I can still remember, I was so excited to find out about CA. And my first semester was one of the most memorable semesters I had here. It's hard to describe that feeling, and as I look back, I just can't think of a word to say about my experience of being part of CA. From that shy, socially awkward kid, that kid who thought she was a loser with no talents, I've changed. I learned to love people, and to be honest I'm still struggling about that, but I've improved, at least. Yes, there were times of doubt, but CA has helped me to know God more, and perhaps I won't still be here if it's not because of what He's been doing through CA and through many people I knew from CA.

Times flies. I hate to think that it's my last CA today. There are so many moments to cherish. I would love to return there one day if I have the chance, yet I know things will never be the same. 

The fellowship, encouragement, hugs, prayers. That van. Those Thursday evenings. Those flyers on Facebook. That acoustic guitar. That kopitiam. So many things. Surely these past two years in CA is one of the greatest blessings I experienced here.

One of my fears is the fear of leaving INTEC one day with regrets. Not many understand what I always try to say. I love CA so much, and because of that, one day when I look back to my days in this college, I don't want to associate those days with bad memories and regrets. That's why no matter what, I'm still holding on to the belief that I am going to fly. So that one day I can smile and laugh about my days in CA. And say that I've made it to the end.

Thank You God for CA. Because through Campus Alive, I am still alive. :)