Just minutes ago, I told my dad that I'll be graduating at such a late age. It wasn't a serious discussion at all. I told him that I'm worried I might get tired of studying. You know, tired as in losing the motivation and stop caring about how important it is to graduate from a uni. My dad said he'll knock my head if that happens. I regret for grumbling about how boring school is. But to be really honest going to uni seems so pointless. I'll get to that topic on another day.
I spent my book voucher today. Passenger released his new album yesterday. By right, I should be feeling happy today. But I just don't feel as happy as when I was depressed back in intec. It's so weird. Made me realise that my friend was true. Owning things don't make you feel happy. I remember how I argued and said well only the rich say so. And she answered, it's because the rich have felt it after having it all yet still not feeling happy.
Another friend made a remark on how interesting her life is, studying in the library 24/7 for her coming finals. And I'm here, worrying about my coming assignments and how I wish my current circle of friends were more motivated to study because all of the assignments are group works.
I don't get what I'm trying to say. But I just don't feel happy when I know I'm supposed to be. I miss my old friends terribly. Studying is currently not my number one interest. I'm very afraid of disappointing my dad who has sacrificed so much for me. I don't get why I have to complicate things. I know I just need to shut up and persevere, just like my other friends, and maybe by doing so, I'd be able to escape this never-ending cycle of self-pity.
Dang I didn't expect this to be so emo. Which is why I kinda hate blogging and writing on my journal these days.
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