Cold

A lot of things had happened since the last post obviously, but I was too busy being lazy so I didn't care to write on my journal and make a proper blog post. And to be honest I do feel rather stupid for writing my thoughts in a public space like a blog for everyone to read, because it's creepy when you have an average of ten readers per blog post (thanks, statistics) and you don't have any idea on who they are but look at that, they're reading all the shit you've written about your miserable life.

But at the same time ironically I started a new blog on wordpress for more strangers to read. It's basically the project I mentioned in the previous post. I just couldn't wait until 31st December to reveal it all because who knows I might be dead before that and no one would ever know I started something. It's basically a blog I created to write about each bus ride I'm going to hop on throughout the year. I mean, yeah, who wants to read about a sad old miserable bus ride with nothing big happening, but I don't really care because writing about stuffs is so damn fun. I'm not going to force people to read them like how I forced people to watch my fingerstyle videos, so it's a rather relaxing project mainly done purely out of my love for writing and bus rides and all things weird such as the way some drivers spit too frequently out of the window and the way some aunties gossip about their colleagues and the way that kid stared at me as I ate my biscuit. Yep, that kind of thing. My kind of thing, the plain, the boring, the mundane. 

If you click on the pic it's going to
take you to the blog and don't worry hun,
it's going to open in a new window.

I don't think I have to justify all of my actions to a bunch of strangers reading this right now, but it's been a bad habit of mine so I guess I'm just going to say I created that blog to feed my love for writing and telling stuffs about the things I've seen. I'm so easily amused these days and it's just no other way I can express my thoughts so I chose to write about them and since I want a nice compilation of these thoughts by the end of this year then I told myself then I might as well just do it online and make it public so that people can have a virtual ride with me on these old creaky buses if they want to. 

Apart from that life's been mundane. I finished reading Angela's Ashes one or two nights ago and to be honest I don't think I'm going to accomplish my reading goal for this year because I'm really getting a bit slower than usual. It's because this semester break I find a lot of other things are distracting me such as:

-Jumanji and Pitch Perfect on TV yesterday and my nephew isn't here at the moment so the TV is all mine muahaha and that means I watched 2 movies in one day and when I'm not watching movies I watch cooking shows and shows about people eating stuff for cheap. 

-Today after church I chose to bake muffins and it took up my whole afternoon so I didn't get to nap. 

-Instagram and its damn funny memes are taking over my life send help pls. 

-I'm watching videos on YouTube about people talking about books more than I'm actually reading books ohmai why am I such a fool.

I also tried sketching portraits like how I used to do but damn it after losing the momentum and not practising it seriously, I've sort of lost the patience to sketch and shade so yep hermanos I've lost the ability to produce something like that Sergio Llull portrait that I sketched and I feel a bit sad cos I remember how therapeutic it was and how satisfying it was to be able to produce something like that.

You don't have to mention about fingerstyle guitar anymore cos I have zero feelings of returning to that thing. I won't be the next Sungha Jung so I might as well dream of doing something a bit less stressful than sitting for one week practising and recording up to 40 takes just for one video that lasts for 4 minutes and still show the world how crappy your playing is. Don't get me wrong, that feeling of accomplishment was grand alright but I tried too hard to the point of putting my self worth on it. 

I replaced my violin string which I broke many many months ago (I suspect it's been a year?) so yep, I haven't touched my violin that long. I tried to play some pieces today and damnit I sounded horrible. There's this hymn called Abide With Me which basically some people sing for funerals and to be honest I made it sound a lot more depressing. It's my favourite hymn by the way so please tell me mum and dad to play this if anything happens to me thank you. I love the pureness of the lyrics, so filled with pain but so simple yet so sad it's like someone telling me go ahead be sad it's alright.

Oh and relating to the title of this blog post lel it's reallllly cold in Kuching right now. I had to wear my hoodie last night and my fan had a great rest. It was raining the whole night yesterday and it doesn't look like it's going to be sunny this week but oh well you can never trust how the weather works.

I got back to driving last week but it was only a practice session with my dad along a rather deserted road and it was very scary because I haven't been driving for a year (yes please don't give me that look). Dad said I'm a rather fast learner but I know myself well. I'm a very clumsy person and I still don't trust myself to operate such a big machine in a place filled with living things. Dad also said a few helpful things such as:

Me: Ooooo look at that dad, there's a line here spray-painted "tamat" omg people use this road to race!
Dad: Yep and I heard many rempit kids died here on there motorbikes. 

I haven't been practising since. Mainly cos I'm lazy. Partially cos dad hasn't got the time to bring me to that road again. And really, I don't enjoy driving to be honest. I could get rich for every ringgit I get when people ask me why don't I drive. I hate my people, my fellow statesmen (and women) who say things such as:

"OHHH how did you come to college today?" or "OHHH how are you going back from college later?"

Then I tell them oh you know, I hopped on a bus this morning. Or, oh, you know, I gotta catch the 3.30pm bus later man.

And they go,

"OHHHH WHY DON'T YOU DRIVEEEE? OHHH YOU'RE SO BRAVE! OHHH I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE THE BUSES HERE!"

Like yeah they make it sound like a big deal like ooooo buses are so scary mannn so I might as well bark around social media about how fun it is becoming a bus wanker cos I'm sick of people saying STC buses are damn old and ugly and shouldn't be around anymore, I'm sick of people saying I should drive, I'm sick of people saying public transport is dangerous, I'm sick of people complaining that public transport in Kuching is crap, cos ohhh let's face it, they don't really want to ride on buses anyway. I bet my Bahts they just love complaining. 

I really did get those kind of things being said to me, if you're wondering. I wouldn't be this mad if I didn't.

Fine people, calm down and listen to me if you really want to know why. Driving is stressful and if there's a second option that is less stressful then why make life difficult. And I don't trust myself to drive and endanger the life of others, so I'd rather risk my own life crossing roads and walking to the bus station cos it's never OK to harm others but it's always OK to harm yourself. And yes, bitchachoes, I'm lazy. I want people to drive for me. And I have them drivers and I can sleep and daydream and half-exist and you can never do that if you're the one driving. 

That's pretty much it.

I really don't have any main thing to talk about here. You can probably tell the state that I'm in right now. Bored to death. A bit mad over nothing in particular. Kinda calm at the same time. Not sad at all. Missing someone I don't want the world to know. Bored. Feeling a bit feelingless in general.

Results were out yesterday and I really did scrape some A- so I won't be complaining. I mean, well obviously an A- is still better than a B+ and if you get a B+ it's still better than a B and if you get a B it's still better than a B-. If you're going to only be happy when you get an A+ then obviously there's something wrong about the way you see yourself and your self worth and you putting yoself in danger hun cos you not spossed to place yo value on something so temporary (Yeah I'm obviously tryna act like that never happened to me uh uh.)

See y'all in the next blog post, mysterious readers.