EMO

How would you feel?...

When you are the last person to leave a room.

When you are standing in front of the window but the only thing you see is people dragging their bags.

When the only sound that you can hear is the sound of cars bustling.

When you've just found out your test marks that particular morning.

When you feel so free but you have nothing to do.

When you're here today, but not tomorrow.

What am I talking about? Well, as usual I am talking to myself in a way that I type it out so that I won't forget. You know the feeling of "Aww..look how emo I was last time". Cool huh?

Again, I would love to repeat something.

How would you feel when standing in front of the window but the only thing you see is people dragging their bags.

I FEEL EMO.

Although I know it's my turn to do so tomorrow.

...and yeah I know that the title of this post is so emo, but please allow me to also include the awesomeness of today.

First of all...I played guitar the second time for Campus Revo this afternoon! Thanks to seniors - Shin for allowing me to play, Caryn for the guitar and Shiau Xian for leading the worship :) Had a great time just now. (Yeah don't get me wrong, even when I don't play, it's always awesome). XD

I managed to get more than half for Chemistry. Well, not bad, right? I know I'm not as brilliant as my classmates/group mates but yeah I'm just going to run my own race. Everytime I get emo with my marks I always remind myself how I got 44% in Chemistry during form 5 yet still ace the exam in the end (LOL?). Allow me to do some self-motivation, please. You might say oh yeah form 5 life is soooo different and you cannot compare it with college life, but who cares. It's the same feeling though. The feeling that you are never as good as the others (emo again, sorry) but deep inside you know you can do it. Say it again yo, I CAN DO IT!

Back to awesomeness. I feel awesome that topic tests have finally ended andddd (drumroll...) holidays have just started! I cannot wait to forget about studies for a while. I cannot wait to wake up late and sleep late without feeling guilty at all. I cannot wait to eat simple meals at home. I cannot wait to throw myself on my bed, play guitar all day, sing aloud in my room, read newspaper, etc etc.

I've been here for almost two months already, and if one of our seniors didn't say "Enjoy your first ever holiday!", I would never notice that it's our first one! I've been enjoying myself so much here, I guess. Despite all the stress of studying, there are actually a lot of good things here in this place.

What else should I add here? Everything's still the same - cars are still bustling, it's so noisy yet quiet. What a paradox. I haven't finished packing (how can I ever finish if I don't stop what I'm doing right now?). I'm thinking really hard on what to bring and what NOT to bring. One thing's for sure, I am not going to bring that extra thick Core Maths book, so I'm going to end this post now so that I can start doing my Maths homework and be super brilliant in Maths woohooo! (fake happy tone).

Bye. Will be blogging from somewhere else tomorrow. YAY :D

Am I Doing My Best?

Am I going to be good enough?

Am I doing my best?

What am I doing here right now?

Someday I'll know the answers...
sounds so emo eh.

I'm Busy

..but I'm pretending not to be. Topic tests, reports, homeworks. Oh please don't kill me.

Let me tell you a random story of what had happened just now. I saw a lizard. It was on the floor...about to enter my bedroom. I made a mistake. I shouldn't have tried to shoo it away, because of course it was going to run INTO the room because I was coming from the opposite direction. To make matters worse, the door of my locker wasn't closed. Now I don't know where's the lizard. It might be inside my locker, it might be on the wall..it might be hiding in my belongings. OH NOOOO.

Enough with the lizard. I'm staying up late for a reason. Oh beetroot, please be kind to me.

One Month Later

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow is no ordinary day. It's my going to be my housemate's Physics test day. It's Core Maths day. It's the day I come back late every week. It's Wednesday!

So what? Tomorrow, the 3rd of August 2011 will be the witness of my survival in this place after a remarkable one month period. One month?!! Yes, I managed to be far far away from home for 1 month! Time for some upgrading. Give me another one month! No problem.

Liar, you will say to me. What made me survive this time? What made me not feel extra super duper homesick? What made me successful in not repeating my Form 1 history of running away from boarding school? The answer is not what, but who.

Being far away from your loved ones, you need some new people to show you love. Okay. Stop thinking about what you are thinking right now. I'm not going to say I met a guy and bla bla bla. I just want to say that I've met with a lot of amazing people here, seniors and people in the same batch alike. All from different hometowns, different races, yet their friendliness and kindness sometimes makes me ponder...before coming here, I listened to a song that said:

"In the end sincerity will have no meaning at all"

This is not what I can see here. Seniors show care to you, friends are so far so nice. Sincerity does have meaning. It made me tell myself I am not alone every morning when I take my shower with a reluctant heart to start the day. The kindness of the people I know here keeps me going, constantly living every moment with hope because I know I am not alone. What will you feel if one day you discovered somewhere, people have your name in a list and even before you know them (even before they know you), they have been praying for you. I've just found out that fact a few days ago. While we were busy with our MDS (orientation week), filled with both agony and excitement, there were seniors actually praying for us. Praying that we'll not feel homesick, praying that we'll have courage and strength. From the bottom of my heart, I would just like to say thank you very much to the seniors from Campus Alive!

I know that my mum must be very happy to know that my life here is OK. Don't worry everyone in the house :) God is watching over me :)

Oh ya, new story to tell. Thanks to Caryn, my senior, I had the chance to play guitar over the weekends till todayyyy (played during Campus Revo - my ears felt hot, I was actually nervous) :D It's been a while..my fingers hurt and I feel like a beginner. Yet, I managed to write a new song! It somehow tells about my feelings right now. I didn't manage to complete it before returning the guitar, but maybe I can continue it next time. The verse and chorus goes like this:

Looking at the sky on a dark night,
I always know that You are so close by my side.
Feeling down and lonely on a sunny day,
I can only feel the wind and say it's gonna be OK.

Coz I wanna stand up firm and say,
I can make it tomorrow and today,
and I (.....*cannot think of the lyrics here*)

Give me hope when I feel down,
Give me faith when I am lost,
(...*to be continued*...)

Yeah I cannot think of the lyrics after that. Part of the song was written when I was alone in my room. Part of it came into my mind when I was on the bus, on the way to church one Sunday afternoon.

I guess this is long enough. I should stop typing now and go back to my beloved Core Maths textbook. Till we meet again in another chapter.

The Chronicles of FOOD

Ever since I've been here, snapping pictures of food before consuming them has become my habit. I guess there's nothing wrong with that, right? At least I have something to blog about just after Week 3 ended :D

ps. Sorry dad I broke the promise. I had instant noodles for lunch last week (for only ONCE). Mwahahaa