Happy

I am happy today. 

I realised that happiness is a choice.

Forgiveness is a choice too.

However, it's a tough choice sometimes.

The question is, are we willing to choose it?

Today I learnt that no matter how bitter your feelings can be, if you are willing to ask and allow God to change your heart, He will help you. Even if you think it's impossible. Even if you think you've done wrong by being unforgiving. Things can still change.

Being wrong is wrong, knowing what is right but not doing what is right is wrong.

But that's not the main thing. 

It's more on how we are willing to ask. How we are willing to listen to what He placed in our hearts. How we are willing to do what's right.

I'm happy that God touched me to do what's right today.

Achievement Unlocked

All in One Morning!

1. Jogged for the first time here in the land of far far away.
2. Automatically woke up at 6.30am without the help of alarm clock.
3. Fully awake on a Saturday morning woohoo!

About to achieve today (Lol, counting the eggs before they hatch, for motivation purpose) :P
1. Complete my brine shrimp report!!!!!!
2. Complete my Stats and Maths homework!!!!!!!
3. Do a little bit of Ethics assignment.
4. Complete my issue report (Haha).
5. Study some Chemistry with Sharon and Cindy XD
6. Go offline now.

 Don't get me wrong, I really don't want to linger here for too long. Just spending some time here, waiting for my turn to bathe :P

I Feel Like Whining

but I must stay strong.

Wonderful Wednesday

It's good to stay motivated although things are getting tougher and some negative feelings are starting to drain out my spirit. I know it's only Wednesday today, but I'm just making the best out of this time to do a little bit of updates because I can't really do anything now, honestly. Just came back from Ramadan Bazaar, a little chat with a senior, then spotted something at Akasia basketball court and spent 10 minutes alone sweating my stress out. 

This just happened to be there and no one was around,
so yeah..hahaha. I had fun.

One good thing about this season is that I don't need to worry about finding friends to eat out with, and I can test out a wide variety of food and start putting on some weight. 

Had the first CR of this semester yesterday, and it was great. It was really an encouragement to see two juniors coming, and we've planned out something to be done next week. And I really thank God that I managed to be there yesterday although initially I was a bit worried about having replacement class.

In an unrelated topic, I find some old habits coming back, and it's funny because I thought I could avoid instant noodles forever but CA retreat got me back to it. The day after CA retreat I found myself not being able to resist the temptation of grabbing a hot cup from Mydin. I've been clean from that substance for 2 months.

And starting this week I've been taking evening naps, and the longest was just now, for 1 hour. I don't think that will bring too much destruction. Besides, I'm sort of on the right track of sleeping and waking up at a fixed time everyday and 6 hours of sleep is good enough for me. Any number less than 6 will make me a zombie. I've experimented that, thanks to someone who suggested about it. Haha.

I've also started participating more in class and stop acting so emo. I've learnt that my Maths lecturer is more than willing to explain to me the things that I don't understand, and most of the things I asked is not just me who can't figure it out. Problem is, no one else asked so I thought everyone else understood. That's not the truth.

Bio and chemistry no longer make me sleepy, and I'm starting to have proper notes. In fact, I think I can sit forever at my table doing Bio notes if I never had Maths and Stats homework to be done.

It's not that I'm getting smarter, or I understand everything taught by the lecturers, but it's more about how I view all these challenges now. I still can't say much because I haven't proven anything yet since my last exams, and topic tests are coming very soon, and I'm like super busy with all sorts of activities, but I like the way I feel discouraged at times, but choose to stare at my wall filled with Bible verses, motivational pictures, and inspirational quotes from my seniors, and think back on how painful failure is, but there is still hope if I can push myself because in the end it will be worth it. 

There were times I felt like whining on this blog about my worries since the semester started, but for now, I choose to not do so. I choose to change, and I hope you won't be seeing any of those things here. 

She said it's a miracle if it happens. She said to me there's a possibility, but it's a rare case.

I believe that miracles can happen.

Out..of..topic...!! :D

Distractions, Distractions Everywhere

I'm feeling guilty that I choose to blog this afternoon, so I promise I'll be fast.

"When you realise about something, it's time for you to work on it." - Someone.

-------------------------

So yeah. I've been realising about a lot of things this week. I realise that this one little thing called distraction has brought about so much harm into my life.

Like now, I'm obviously distracted, that's why I'm here, instead of studying.

And this morning, I nearly squeezed my facial cleanser on my toothbrush, thinking that I was holding my toothpaste.

And the past weekend, my friend Sharon kept on scolding me when I started to tap my table to a beat of rock and roll after just a millisecond asking her questions about chirality and appearing to be enjoying the topic.

I get distracted very easily, and that's my major problem.

And now I've just realised that I'm supposed to rewash my t-shirt after a bird decided to do its business on that shirt. My poor shirt is still waiting for me on the bathroom sink. I must have got distracted just now.

Being forgetful and easily distracted is not fun.

Now that I've managed to avoid evening naps, sleep at a regular pattern, stay motivated, not fall asleep in class, avoid instant noodles and limit the time online, it's time for me to get rid of this other challenge called distractions.

Challenge accepted.

Another Quick Update

Just to show that I'm still alive.

To be honest this time I don't feel the slightest guilt of going online because:

a) I find myself no longer lingering around Facebook like how I used to do.

b) I haven't been properly dating with my laptop for a few days.

c) I can tahan without logging in to Facebook.

d) I haven't been on 9gag for..maybe a week? (YAYS THE ADDICTION IS OVER!)

e) I find myself no longer having the desire to whine on my blog (Lol maybe not yet..)

And most important of all, I think I deserve to say hi to my blog for a while today because I had achieved a few significant things. Finished class early, so went back early and nearly slept around the usual time, but had enough willpower to stay awake. I need this motivation and strong determination to keep on going.

Finished one subtopic of Bio topic 6, which means I am a little bit ahead of the lectures, and I have to say now I really know the joy of being able to complete a certain task when you really feel the struggle happening inside of you.

Life is getting busier, but I am looking forward to seeing myself being shaped and disciplined into a person I really want to be. A few incidents two days ago really encouraged me to keep on doing my best because it made me realise that I don't want to fall under the wrong category of people. I may have failed to portray my best, but I am serious in improving myself. I am not that kind of person who will walk away with satisfaction after being defeated. I hunger for  a change.

I find this song very helpful in motivating myself.

I'm sure you've seen something like this before, well
this is my version..and..going down the list, the level of
difficulty increases...

Been sticking lots of motivational stuff on my wall, I know what kind of person I am. I need those kind of things to remind me everyday, because my motivation may fade away fast.

And I pasted this on my wall to remind myself to not just say "I'm not a loser", but to prove it as well by having the right attitude.

Till we meet again, in another positive blog post, hopefully.

Believer

I can see through the laughter
I know you've cried your share of tears
But you don't have to do this by yourself
You tell me that you feel abandoned
Carrying the weight of all this pain inside
You trust in someone else
But you're cryin' out for help

I'm a believer
That He's strong enough to hold you now where you are
I'm a believer
In the One who's always reaching out to your heart
He understands you
There's not a greater love that you'll find in this life
I'm a believer in Christ

Trying to escape the landslide
Running from the choices that you've made
When will you surrender to His grace
He promises He'll never leave you
Offering to free you from your past 'cause that's the sacrifice He's made
He can be a shelter and your strength

No matter what you've done
How far you've run
There is hope for you
Through every broken heart
He'll meet you where you are
He will rescue you
Let Him rescue you

I like the fact that I randomly found this song when I just feel so tired and there are so many things going on inside my mind. Maybe you should try to listen to it too. :)

Quick Update (I Hope So..)

So yeah.

I'm back to the land of far far away.

..and I should be sleeping by now, but I can't because I have this weird mixed feelings once again.

Alone at the living room, staring at all the boxes and books like a madman, so tired, yet so hyper, I seriously think I'm getting insane if I continue sitting here not doing anything, so I decided to (obviously) do a little bit of update.

Promised myself that I won't be blogging too much this semester, so let's see if I can keep that promise.

Hours ago, I was having the anxiety of retuning to this place. And some hours after that, I find myself being hyper like never before. Funny that my feelings are as changeable as the weather.

Won't be back for 4 months, again, and I seriously don't know if I am going to survive, because life seems hard for me everywhere, to be honest. 

I regretted for not spending more time with my mum. I regretted for over-focusing on my Bio report. I regretted for not appearing to be appreciating the dishes she prepared. I regretted that I didn't really enjoy my semester break, to be honest. The moment I wanted to enjoy it, things went wrong all the time. I'm not complaining, but I wished that those things never robbed away the excitement I was supposed to have.

So I cried for the first time at the airport and it taught me something.

Don't judge those who shed tears, because you never know what's playing in their mind.

I'm still in the wrong track.

The happy side of the story? Well meeting friends is something really fun especially after not seeing each other for 2 months. But I know sometimes the excitement of seeing each other's faces will fade away, lol. 

And there are so many people to be thanked today, seriously. That's why I love this place. 

Feeling excited to start the new sem, and this time it's going to be very very different. So many changes to be faced, so many good friends leaving, so many new faces to meet. Somehow that excitement gets mixed with some emo feelings too. 

I'm no longer a junior, I no longer have the seniors who I really looked up to. 

And I'm afraid of that fact, because now I realise I've been too dependent on my seniors.

Remember Arthur? :)

Everyday when you're walking down the street

Everybody that you meet 

Has an original point of view 

And I say HEY! 

What a wonderful kind of day

 Where you can learn to work and play 

 And get along with each other 

 You got to listen to your heart 

Listen to the beat

 Listen to the rhythm

 the rhythm of the street

 Open up your eyes

open up your ears 

 Get together and make things better by working together 

It's a simple message and it comes from the heart 

Believe in yourself 

Well thats the place to start

And I say HEY!

 what a wonderful kind of day 

Where you learn to work and play 

And get along with each other

__________________________

Old cartoons have pretty good theme songs, don't you think so? :)

The First of July

This one came straight away from the heart within 30 minutes.

THE FIRST OF JULY 
an anthem of a champion


I'm singing on the first of July
Strum my guitar, got a new song to try
Got my papers, got my books on my bed
The things you said kept on ringing in my head

So I said to July
Make me stronger
Let me give it a try
Stop me from saying that I wanna die
Help me walk with my head held high

(And you said)
Don't walk away, just don't be defeated
Nothing is easy when you've just got started
Work hard at it, and you will find
That everything will turn out to be fine

I can't promise I'll be this way forever
I just wanna get up and say
that I'm not a loser!

So I said to July
Make me stronger
Let me give it a try
Stop me from saying that I wanna die
Help me walk with my head held high
_____________________________________________

I'm ready for the pain next semester. It's alright. At least I still have the chance to prove that I'm not a loser.

Thank you, you, for making me feel a lot better.