I feel that I feel feeling-less maybe because now I'm starting to feel all sorts of feelings.
Been more than a month since I wrote The First of July, and I can feel that my motivation is dying. I am not whining. I don't want that to happen. But I'm just tired, sometimes. And feeling tired makes me cranky, to be honest.
Life is not getting any easier. Nights in Akasia are filled with mosquitoes every night lately. Never had I experienced waking up around 3am to find that mosquito bites are all over my arms.
I'm starting to lag behind classes for Bio notes and Maths homework, and I know this is not a good sign at all.
Weekends are so busy, making me feel so disappointed of myself for not being able to manage time wisely. Just when I thought I could sit back and start revising, new things come. Most of the time I'm caught in dilemma. Most of the time I feel like whining. Most of the time I just feel like shutting myself from the outside world and start being a hardcore nerd.
Topic tests are coming soon.
Homeworks are piling up.
Bio reports are beginning to haunt me.
Now that I've entered my second month here, I've just realised that if I don't fight this fear now, I'm probably going to end up the way I ended up n the previous two semesters. And breaking free from that cycle is not easy, I know.
And I really want to join my friends to watch Chong Wei vs Lin Dan at the mamak tonight, but I'm still thinking whether I'm supposed to do so or not, when I haven't been studying for the past two days.
I'm so tired of thinking.
2 comments:
Awww... *picks you up and puts you in a beanbag (and it's in and not on because the beanbag is just like that, it engulfs you! xD)*
Honesty, I'm not quite sure what to say to you now about this cause I'm also in the midst of revamping my study life but what I know is that you do need some motivation and someone to cheer you on so I'll be that person. :)
One thing I can say though is our weekend is usually busy so you should probably count your weekend as being one day instead of two. One of those things else I had to do was to find the reason why I need to study hard. God told me that the reason I need to study hard is so that I'll be able to be a good and knowledgeable doctor in the future, someone that patients will be willing to trust and that this would open doors for me to even touch their lives and bring them closer to Him.
You'll probably need to work harder and more to be able to catch up for this semester than other people. So, know that you may have to miss out on stuff sometimes. I know it may not be easy to work on our studies and it's seems like an uphill battle but know too that God is on your side and that your never alone. God is the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. He is the God of people of great faith, people who lead ordinary lives and are faithful and people who needs second chances and he wants us to know that. Even as we try our best, we need to learn to commit our studies into His hands and rest in Him.
You may not feel like you can do it but God can. Remember the burning bush in Exodus 3? You may feel like you're on fire but you will not be consumed by that fire but this is only possible with God's presence. We need God to be present in all areas of our lives. More of him and less of us. Let's personally invite him into our studies and acknowledge him when we study.
Lots of love,
Tricia :)
Aaahh Tricia. You always know the right things to say. :] I guess here it comes again, the days when life gets real, when I just don't know how did I end up in that very same anxiety once again.
Your first paragraph managed to make me grin, so yeah, hahaha. Thanks :]
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