I'll Tell You the Truth

The ugliest truth is still better than the prettiest of lies.

Maybe because I've been living the past two semesters as an emo individual who can't manage my own problems and keeps on pouring them out, people still won't believe if I say that I'm no longer that person. Perhaps they are correct. 

You're still not changing, you still have that old mindset.

Maybe true, maybe not. I'm trying hard to change. Perhaps too hard. But I know myself better. I may get worried and scared and disheartened and angry easily these days, but I notice I get over them quite quickly compared to last time.

I remember those old days whenever I had problems at school, I will come back home, enter the bathroom and punch a bucket of water repeatedly. 

Or sometimes I will scribble a paper. 

I no longer do those things now.

I still find sleep as a solution though. Or a good song that can help me release my anger without causing me to hurt anyone. Or sing in a bathroom, which is quite effective.

Whichever ways I choose, I'll tell you the truth. Sometimes I show that I'm worried so that people can see that I'm taking it seriously. The truth is, I am serious, but I'm not as worried or as pessimistic as you think I am.

Well yesterday I got to know some truth that scared me so much.

I am still scared, but I know I am now given the chance and time to not make it happen.

Whatever happens to me, I don't care, I can still live my whole life with the consequences. But if my parents have to bear the consequences of my bad choices and actions in life, I tell you the truth, I'd rather die.

With that, I end this post, promising that from this point onwards, yes, you still get to see me online on Facebook, but no, not for too long when I still have a lot of things to do. Yes, you will see this blog alive, but maybe it should be dead by now. It depends on how free I am going to be in the future days. And no, no more songwriting, pointless guitar-playing moments and long-winded blog posts.

There are miracles in life I must achieve, but first I know it starts inside of me.