Why Am I Here?

I promised with so many people that I will change, that I will try my best, that I will spend more time studying and less time on Facebook.

But not many know that trying to change is not that easy.

I admit, my past failures were all caused by no other person than myself.

After trying not to be on blogger and Facebook for one week, and not holding the guitar at all for so long, I finally realised that it is possible to change after all.

The process of breaking free from addiction is hard.

I found that some of my principles were challenged to the point that I became someone who I couldn't recognise. 

A few days ago, the cheerful part of me vanished.

Not many realised. But those who are like siblings to me in this place, they realised. I just couldn't pretend because when I'm quiet, that means there's something wrong. 

Anyway, back to the topic, why am I here?

I just want to correct things.

I just learnt that I can't become who I'm not. I need God in my life. I can never trade my walk with God with anything else, not even my studies. I need friends in my life. I can't be that person trying to chase straight As but never cared to do life together with the people around. 

Tonight, and so many days before this, I just know that although sometimes I like being alone, although sometimes I do deal with my doubts and get disappointed with people, I just know that if I never knew God, I would never experience and appreciate what I'm having now. Today, I might be busy chasing my dreams to achieve my own miracle, but I just want to change what I've stated before this. I don't want to trade these dreams with anything. If there is something I need to trade, let it be my addictions, my pessimism, my fears. Not my relationship with Jesus, and not my relationship with people.

Because in the end, when I'll be able to achieve what I believe I can do, I want to take a glance back, and smile as I remember how my fellowship with God and His people has enabled me to persevere no matter how tiring it was and is going to be, and no matter where this road leads me to.