#38 New Page and Snippets

I started a new journal entry on a new journal. It just feels right to do so even though my old journal has about three empty pages left.

I don't want to go all philosophical and say it's a new beginning and all that shit, but my life is now marked by a line and there are two sections—before Serian and after Serian.

Although I still can't forget what happened at 2.20am that night and I still feel angry a bit at random times, I'm trying my best to stay afloat. I'm trying my best to shut my eyes everytime the bus speeds up and I keep my head held high and feel the breeze through my hair and I try my best to remind myself once I'm dead I won't be able to board any STC buses ever again and feel that same sensation.

Today's been my first time journaling since after Serian. I give this day an 8 out of 10, which is really good enough.

There were two strangers who caught my attention today; one, an elderly man who actually smiled at me at the bus stop (I did not smile back and I regret it) and two, a scruffy man who had a cataract on his right eye.

Snippets:
"I had two rolls of mahjong paper protruding on my back, in my bag, and I looked like Blastoise (or one of the Ninja Turtles)."

"The 8am ride is flipping cool. I want to be on this ride again. I listened to the whole album of Young as the Morning, Old as the Sea. But I didn't want to appear happy, because I wasn't happy anyway."

"I'm not really as happy as in the past few months. I guess it'll take some time for that optimism to return. But I'm pretty sure the luggage monster really lost his way in Baki or Tarat or something."

"K and his mum drove past me and stopped to offer me a ride (to which I initially stupidly declined). At that point I think my happiness level went from 4 to 6 or something cos K's mum was nice. She said she's not a good driver and I wanted to say Me too and that's why I am now a bus wanker but of course I never say things out, don't I?"

"She had new nail designs again. Damn I flipping want to compliment her nails but that's a bit creepy."

"It was fun, working together like that. I guess group works really are fun if everyone did their part."

"I found out there's a bottle there, a filled bottle. I thought the man placed it there to save the seat, so I asked his friend. The friend was chill and made a hand gesture that the seat is all mine. I like him. He's so chill. He had a cataract on his right eye. I'm weird but I really want to have a chat about life with people like him."

"Apart from that well as usual I don't want to stare because craning my neck is such a pain in the neck."

"Western guy was heading to Central. Didn't ring the bell. Ironedshirtman stopped right in front of Central for him. White guy privilege. Didn't even bother to say thanks to Ironedshirtman. Funny cos a guy before that (an Indonesian?) said thanks and called Ironedshirtman 'abang' some more. It's a good scene, seeing people say thank you. Makes me feel less like a weirdo."

"Maybe he knows. Maybe he understands."

"I'm not mad or anything—I'm just messed up."

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