#44

I actually have a lot to write about today, but it's been a long day, and tomorrow I will start my day super early, so I'm trying my best to control myself.

Theatre practice session has been going on but the support from some of the group members have been dwindling. A bit tragic to see some really committed members, while some make excuses for not coming. The ones who came today talked about it with such honesty and it pains me a bit. Because I am tired too, and I know those who stayed back and took the effort to come also feel tired. But I think we had fun. And after the practice, we talked about many semi-personal things. 

I discovered that I am not the only one with a past filled with failure and an episode of quitting. Three other people in the group also ended up landing themselves in our current uni after quitting and not succeeding in some other place. It amazed me, in a way. Because I was so selfish to think that I was so unfortunate to land myself there, but now I feel a lot better that I am not the only one. And one group member was actually my junior in the primary school I attended from primary 2 to 4, so we talked about some teachers and it just felt so weird. 

I hopped on the 8am bus before that. But it wasn't the usual 8am bus. I became the first passenger of the day. Nothing special happened along the ride. And although I've seen this driver before, I am not familiar with him.

The ride home was a bit interesting though, because I did another foolish thing, which was to wait another half an hour for the next bus because I didn't want to board Grumpyoldman's bus. So far I've been succeeding at dodging him for one and a half weeks. I know eventually I will land myself into his bus once again, especially in the morning when I have no other options if my favourite Capman isn't around (it could happen tomorrow...) but for now I really don't want to be near him because he emits such negativity. Kill them with kindness, Selena said, but damnit, you should see how he scolds almost everyone and talks harshly to almost everyone except for pretty young amois. I sucked my Cincau with some sort of resentment and hatred as he kept on passing me by and staring at me, probably wondering why was I still standing, waiting, when the bus home was actually already there. Or maybe he doesn't give a damn. He just likes to stare. Maybe. Maybe he doesn't even remember me. I hope so.

So I ended up boarding another bus which I've only been on once before, and the driver was nice and soft-spoken. The ride was boring because the jam had already started, and I fell asleep at a traffic light, so I opened a can of coffee, fearing that I'd end up waking up and finding myself at Tarat.

After the coffee everything started to become interesting. I started to construct a short story in my head. And I started fake-strumming the ukulele that I brought. And I listened to Gavin James with such deep feelings as I stared out of the window. The man sitting in front of me kept on touching his hair, I almost imagined his dandruff falling like snowflakes on my black jeans and into my canned coffee. Some ladies were talking loudly in my native language, but I didn't listen to what they were saying. Dogs were fighting somewhere in the neighbourhood that we passed. I love canned coffee because it makes me think in such a weird way. Weirder than usual, I mean.

And there goes my day. I am now feeling a bit sleepy, but I have to sort of compose a short song for a tongue twister presentation tomorrow morning. And I want to write a proper journal entry on my journal but my eyeballs hurt. Tomorrow I'll be gambling again, either ending up hopping on my favourite bus or my most hated bus lol. But I know either way, the day's just going to be fine no matter how I start the day. I feel some connection with certain strangers on Grumpyoldman's bus too, and not seeing them in a week makes me miss them a bit, so I guess I don't mind if I get that bus tomorrow. I know, I'm weird. I know, this is ridiculous. But I can't explain to make anyone understand that I don't have connections with everyone. Out of maybe 50 strangers I meet each day maybe 1 or 2 can suddenly make me feel like I have a certain similarity with them, and sometimes I just feel like sitting with them over a cup of coffee and talk about life. You shouldn't be worried though, because it's all in my head, and as much as I don't really understand why I can feel this way, I actually understand that I am a woman who has to take care of herself and not be too gullible. 

But we'll talk about that more on another day, and hopefully tomorrow my partner and I won't screw up our tongue twister presentation assignment that we're not really prepared for.

Pic of the day:

Sorry hun, it's either bus pics or selfies, and
you really don't have a choice cos I am a no-lifer
bus wanker with nothing else to snap.