These past few days I've been thinking a lot about the woman I met on one particular bus ride the week right after I returned from Bangkok.
But before I get into the details, I guess I'll just talk about how I feel in general at this very moment I'm typing this down.
November felt like a really quick month—my soul-o trip to Serian is now one month old, mid November was still a tough period for me, and the month ended with me feeling incredibly tired physically until the point that I found myself sleeping and waking up at the oddest of hours. My routine went something like this: waking up at 5am, sleeping along the journey to college, sleeping again while waiting for classes to start. being half awake in class, lunch at 11 and trying to complete assignments and sleeping until 2, being half awake again in classes at 2, sleeping on the way home on the bus, shower and dinner as soon as I reach home, try to do some assignments again, sleep around 8pm and try to wake up around 9pm to do assignments, wake up at 10pm instead, do a little bit of assignment again, feel dizzy and decide to sleep a bit, set my alarm to wake up at 12 midnight, wake up at midnight and try to complete my never-ending assignment, ending up sleeping for real around 4am, and the cycle repeats for the whole week.
And I leave WhatsApp group chats unanswered, snap at people, don't even have the strength to lift up my guitar, can't even bring myself to read a book, and really, I don't think I've ever been this tired since a long long time. And this theatre assignment is making me a bit crazy, and I can never stay calm until it ends this Wednesday.
And probably because things were so tiring and the people around me started to make me feel a bit frustrated, these past few days I've been thinking about the woman who I met after Bangkok.
It's a weird thing, to associate her with that period of time when I came back to college after my week in Bangkok, but I found myself sitting on a bus ride earlier this week with the thoughts of wanting to meet this lady again and have a good friendly chat with her like that moment in August.
Because I remember being so happy and free last August. I remember getting off the bus and saying goodbye to her and feeling incredibly good about life.
And I find it funny because she doesn't have the slightest idea that I'm thinking of her at this moment.
Which brings us to the main thing I've been thinking so much about lately.
This strange stranger connection I get occasionally with some people—it's just so weird. Because November's been this record-breaking month where I go to college every single weekday of the month thanks to theatre practice. Every single weekday I board a bus to college and back home. That's 10 bus rides per week. I begin to see strangers a bit more frequently than usual, and I begin to develop a sense of familiarity with some. And it scares me a bit—the fact that I'm becoming a regular. The janitor at the main station now recognises me—she smiled at me last Friday. The DetachedDriver who never smiled had this funny expression as if stifling a laugh when he saw me. I begin meeting same people on my morning ride and evening ride, and we exchange glances with blank expressions on our faces.
I begin to notice an incredible connection that strangers have with other strangers—for one morning a man (who regularly boards the morning bus to work) wasn't waiting at his usual spot, and one or two passengers started checking their wristwatches—a sign or concern and curiosity upon the absence of a familiar stranger at a regular time. And that was a beautiful, beautiful thought I keep on reflecting on until now.
But maybe because I'm so tired, maybe because I've lost all the enthusiasm I used to have in the past months, I no longer attract friendly encounters. Maybe my weariness shines out of my face, maybe there's an air of sadness around me. I no longer find friendly makciks who are willing to talk to me, I notice more sadness than happiness around me, and it just saddens me a bit because I miss how positive I used to be.
I miss those moments in August because those were the days when I hopped on 9am Tuesday bus rides, and I had good chats with Mak Cik Neighbour, and I met that friendly lady who gave me such a good friendly positive vibe, and I remember smiling on that bus ride, but now many things have changed.
I wonder if one day I suddenly decide to drive and drop all this bus routine, will there be one or two souls who will notice my absence? Maybe. I'll never know which soul—just as how that lady from Baki will never know how months later in tiredness and frustration about life, I suddenly get reminded of her friendliness and positive vibes. I hope she's doing OK in life. Maybe our paths will cross again in the future. I no longer remember her face, but I think I remember her voice. I think I'll recognise her if we ever meet again. But for now, this strange stranger connection that I have for her is something that reminds me of one humble fact that I keep on forgetting—that sometimes maybe we forget how we're really meant to be in a certain place at a certain time, doing certain things that maybe we don't really understand why we're doing it.
In less than a month this year is ending, and hopefully with this thought, I'll get myself back to that position where I can feel grateful about the year just as how I felt grateful about 2015 and the lessons it taught me.
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