Rocky

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it.

You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done.

Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you! You're better than that!

Not emo or anything. Just thinking that this quote deserves to be read by hopeless people like me, hahaha. I need more people to scold me. Anger is my motivation.

Wait, I'm not hopeless la, at least not yet. 

2012 in 2.0 Megapixels

I'm probably going to start posting some recaps of this year. Just for fun. It's something nice to be read in years to come, I guess. 

Saw this at college one afternoon after class.

Studied with a black cat one evening in Akasia.

Had a funny vending machine experience with the other girls
after cell group.

Had my first coolblog with my two classmates, months after
everyone else had their first one.

Found this book in the library.

Bought my first chatime.

Went to Japan. Hoho just kidding. Autumn in Intec!

Queued up in the longest queue I've even been in to go to college.

Revised Bio on the field before my first topic test. Wide, empty
spaces make me feel happy.

Oh Hai

So an article that appeared on my news feed 10 days ago made such a huge impact, I decided to step back from social network for as long as I can endure.

Taking a break from blogging was hard, especially when there were times when I felt that I just needed to get my problems out of my head. However I'm very glad to say that the past 10 days made me realise that the more I blog about my problems, the more I share about them, the more miserable I become.

Getting away from Facebook for the first time made me realise that the less I know about what's happening in other people's lives, the more I find myself not comparing myself to who they are and what they have. I suddenly felt that not knowing at all on what are other people are up to is a good thing after all. I stopped having expectations on how certain things should happen. It was a great feeling.

But when almost everyone shares important updates on a place you've stepped out of, it's hard to think that you may be missed out in certain things. I had to check my results whether they're out or not for almost everyday, I missed a discussion (and argument, hoho) for my primary school class reunion, missed some birthday wishes. Well at least I think I had probably missed some things I wished I never knew, so that's one good point.

In fact after all that I've been through for the past 10 days, I'm actually looking forward to a day when I can probably take a longer rest, especially when A-Levels is just less than 5 months to go. 

I'm happier than who I was a few months ago, not that nothing is happening, but more because of this time I just want to stop expecting too much from others and start taking my own baby steps. Not that I'm trying to be cocky, but sometimes seeking comfort from others would only lead to disappointment. I don't know how this is linked to social media, but somehow it does.

So I don't want to sound perasan or what, I know there are people who care, but I can assure you that whatever happens, for the time being, I am fine, I am happy and I have made a reflection that I still want to live for as long as I can. I lay awake last night and got reminded of a lot of moments this year when I felt worthless, when I felt disappointed about the people and things around me. Made me realise that all these while I've been expecting too much from others.

How I wish I was more ignorant than who am I, so that I can just relax a little bit and stop thinking too much.

Silence

Honestly I never thought of writing another song after three months of not being able to do so. I was thinking like "uh, that's it, looks like this is the end of my songwriting journey", after about five failed attempts during the past months. Failed attempts, according to my definition in songwriting, is when I kind of figured out a line or two, but couldn't continue due to various reasons. The top three things that can stop me from continuing are:

1. When I can't rhyme the endings of the lines into something that makes sense.
2. When I can't figure out a theme on what I am about to write.
3. When chord progressions sound so familiar like my previous songs, or some other songs that I've listened to.

Writing "Silence" has been a fun journey, and no matter how many views will I get from this one, I'm still going to love it like my "Smell the Rain" and "Raindrops in My Summer". Although previously I was skeptical about the lyrics (yes, that happens all the time) I kind of love this new stuff - no mushy mushy I miss you love you thank you kind of thingy. Haha. However I have to admit that the skeptical side of me senses that the lyrics somehow doesn't make any sense at all. 

Some parts are written based on my emotions, some by observation on what has happened to the people around me. Although completed in one sitting, it wasn't actually something that came into my mind instantly. Empty playground with a broken swing is not something new, in fact it came in August from an emo moment when I was walking aimlessly around my hostel. I managed to make it into the pre-chorus of my abandoned song, "That Familiar Place", but in the end decided that it was something terribly mushy.

Yet all I see is a playground

with a broken swing,

and all I hear is 

the songs we used to sing.

Uh, I'm writing these descriptions as if I'm one of the members of The Beatles. Like errrr, who knows, some people leave legacies when they leave. I'm scared of being forgotten, haha. Just thinking that if you want to wait until you're great enough to share something, that moment will never come. 

To those who are curious.

It's always like this.

    

I watch documentaries about dead songwriters, awesome how these kind of papers can become valuable when you're dead and your songs get popular. Teehee.

My silent bandmate says thanks for listening/reading.
(Sounds like the two components of IELTS) :P

Till we meet again in another song, hopefully can lah, before I burn my damaged guitar during one of my imaginary mini concerts. Uh. 

Hope this song won't make me look so emo. Don't take it seriously, please. 

Silence

Silence

30th Nov 2012

Verse 1

An empty playground with a broken swing

A tiny room with a fan spinning

A thousand faces on the wall smiling

and the clock is ticking

(Ohkay, that's a super lame verse to begin with...)

Verse 2

Watching the sunset with a broken guitar in your hand

Scribbling a paper, with the things you can't stand

Maybe your silence is a sign of moving on

Perhaps silence is about staying strong

Pre-chorus 1

What if silence is a screaming child

Sometimes in silence you sing for a while

because that is when you start to smile

When you know that you need to keep walking another mile

Chorus

Some say silence is like sun rays shining through the leaves

when you wake up in the morning, you have something to believe in

You might say silence is when everyone sleeps

Maybe it's just the time when we choose to listen and to not speak

Verse 3

Singing songs that everyone sings

Realising there's not much time left to say out the things

that you never really wanted to hide

'cause your words might force you to swallow your pride

Pre-chorus 2

What if silence is a kid in hunger?

Or a group of people living in anger?

Broken families, and enemies

What if silence is what it takes to have peace

Chorus

Some say silence is like sun rays shining through the leaves

when you wake up in the morning, you have something to believe in

You might say silence is when everyone sleeps

Maybe it's just the time when we choose to listen and to not speak

________________________________________________________________

I'm recording this. Because it's not a song about crushes or memories or friendship.

It's a song about fighting battles when everything seems so distant.

Oh wait, that sounds emo. 

Haha.