Stuffs

I was blogging during the whole journey back home by bus from college today. I mean..I was blogging inside my brain, constructing lots of sentences, jumping from one imaginary blog post to another..letting my mind wander a bit. I guess it's because of the coffee. Bus rides are cool because it's probably the only time my mind is filled with inspirations to write song lyrics and blog posts and imaginary dialogues. I mean..this blog post is not really going to mention anything significant but there were some stuffs that I feel like typing here.

Life list

Believe it or not I've only managed to list 75 life goals in my life list or whatever you choose to call it. My target is 101 because that's what most people do. I've been writing down a draft and I really don't want to write down stuffs just for the sake of having a life list, so I'm taking it slowly. Also, while on the bus, I thought of posting up those goals with a little bit of description on my blog soon. Maybe 10 goals per blog post. Cos..I don't know..blog posts are supposed to be silly stuffs that you can laugh about in years to come, I guess. 

Driving with dad

I've been driving to college with my dad for a few days and what I like the most about it is that..I don't know, it's like the only quality time I spend with my dad apart from dinner time. A few days ago we had a conversation about what if he stayed as a teacher and never entered the navy. He recalled about a friend who failed in Form 3 but is now a teacher. This guy, Mr. P, now drives a nice car and his salary is perhaps twice the amount that dad receives. I'm sure that my dad is not regretting about not staying as a teacher, and that is his road not taken. And maybe in 35 years to come I'll look back and tell my kids that sometimes I imagine what would happen if I chose to stay in the medical path. And that is my road not taken. But before I even thought of myself and that perspective, I kinda asked my dad that at the end of the day would he still want to switch his life with his friend's life? At the end of the day, would he want to become Mr. P, or would he be happy that despite the fact that his current job is not the best job in the world, he had the privilege to be in a previous job that allowed him to see the world and live in a four-seasoned country for nearly a decade. And then it hit me that I was probably advising myself. I don't think I'd want to trade my life with someone else's life although they may appear happier than me. 

Bus ride home

And in front of me this afternoon on the bus was a lady born in the year 1967 who was named Chang K.M. and she had boxes of Metoprolol and medications that had lolols at the end of their names. When placing her stuff on her seat, her plastic of wantan mee dropped in front of me and she was struggling to pick it up before I realised that this was actually happening. I then picked it up and she said thank you and that warmed my heart for whatever weird reason. Sometimes I imagine having random meaningful conversations with these kind of people on the bus, but I'm too afraid to initiate any. I mean..I look at these people and wonder that there must be some interesting stories in their lives. You must've been thinking that I actually talked to her but no, I saw her name and IC number when she took out her hospital card while sitting in front of me. Nothing special happened, actually. I'm just mentioning about this lady here because in my life list, one of my goals is to have a meaningful conversation with a complete stranger. But I'm too cautious/afraid to do that. And I understand that initiating something like this is like invading someone's personal space or something, because no one acts friendly on bus rides. So yeah, I'm just being weird because of the coffee, I guess.

That's pretty much it, I guess. It's not that anything special is happening in my life right now, but I'm trying to think of special stuffs each day. I'm kinda thinking of learning to draw with pen and ink because life is kinda boring with nothing new to learn. Of course my course materials don't count because I'm always more diligent when I learn stuffs that are unrelated to college. Hahaha. Oh, how I love adding random hahahas, 

Oh, tober II

Breaking news:

New semester—Classes on every single weekday, all at 8am.

Which means I'll have to wake up at 5.30am every single weekday.

Biggest disappointment—Won't be able to jog on weekday mornings as planned. Won't jog in the evening because don't want to be seen by neighbours. Conclusion: won't be jogging at all, will most probably gain weight before the new year.

Won't be able to sleep too late too. Kinda sucks that I normally get more productive after midnight. 

Biggest joy—Won't need to have lunch at uni. Will be able to go back home before noon. Conclusion: will be saving a lot of money this semester. More money to buy books yeaaaarrrghhh! Will also probably get a library card if I'm motivated enough to walk to the City Council Library after my morning classes. Kinda excited. Yay.

Blogging from phone. Kinda tricky.

Oh, tober

Oh, it's October. (Lame, ha ha ha).

I'll be back to school soon. Other than that, oh come on, we all know I don't have a life.

I'm awake at almost 3am because I suddenly thought about bucket lists and life goals and that life list thingy I used to have back in my glory days. Now I'm like..contemplating..whether I should revive that life list or just live life the way it is. It gets pretty boring sometimes, stuck in this boring neighbourhood. And the fact that summer has just ended makes it worse because summer equals to travel pics on social media and sometimes I wish I wasn't so addicted to social media. Sometimes I wish Facebook was never invented. Sometimes I wish I'd be more grateful. But damn it, Europe is so beautiful.

To console my aching soul, I spent my short semester break watching basketball games and imagining myself meeting Pau Gasol and Sergio Llull. Llull liked the photo of the portrait of him that I drew and uploaded on Instagram. I'm like...trying to make myself feel better by telling myself that come on, a Real Madrid basketball player now knows he has a fan in this dog-shaped island called Borneo, and I complimented his fast feet/legs during the recent EuroBasket 2015 and he must've felt happy that I took 6 hours to draw him (and compliment how great he was on court) and that alone is a spectacular feeling. I'd like to think that Sergio Llull was smiling in front of his smartphone. And I made an impact by just sitting for 6 hours on my lazy chair. Not bad at all, I guess. I'll travel to Europe next time. Besides, I don't deserve a travel right now. My friends worked their ass off for 2 years before getting the chance. My degree course so far isn't requiring me to work my ass off that much. I mean..I'm not working hard enough for anything right now and I know many people deserves greater things than me. Simple as that.

But my results were OK anyway which makes me feel alright. As in..I was sort of slothing around last semester, if that's even a legit way to describe it. I'm not as stressed as last time when it comes to studies. Not sure whether last semester was easy or I put an effort subconsciously, but either way, I'm too lazy to get stressed with academic matters these days. Let's see what the next semester has to offer. 

I'm thinking of writing a new song. Got a new theme in my brain, but right now the right lines aren't coming out. I also ditched my plan to learn a new fingerstyle arrangement. I was too busy having fun drawing. The drawing period is dying already. I'm pretty sure I'll be indulged in a new hobby soon. It's always that way. My hobbies are so short-lived. 

Writing a long update won't bring me anywhere, so yeah, I'm just going to stop here. Till then, I'll dream of Spain and basketball and Sergio Llull...

Oh ya and Tommy Emmanuel is coming to KL soon and I hate myself for not grabbing this chance to watch him live. Will there be another chance for me in the future? I don't know. I guess keeping a bucket list isn't going to make me happy, so it's better not to keep one then, maybe. *wails*

Brief Update

Nothing much have been going on but I'm just going to leave some updates here since we'll be entering a new month tomorrow. I've kind of lost the motivation to blog (and I haven't been writing on my journal for weeks!). Gah. I guess it's because there's nothing much to jot down anyway.

Some random updates:

Guitar

-Still crazy about guitar, but haven't been practising much. I don't think I'll be continuing my previous goal of playing Adam Rafferty's arrangement of 'I'll Be There.' I'm a bit disappointed with myself especially that my fingerstyle channel on YouTube is a bit dead since I kinda stopped practising during my finals last sem. I thought that I had to take a break from fingerstyle to avoid as much as distractions during exam week but that kind of caused my momentum to stop there. My goals about fingerstyle guitar isn't as high as it used to be.

-I'm trying to play Tomi Paldanius' arrangement of 'Livin on a Prayer.' It's really different from the previous arrangements of other songs that I've played before this, because it requires thumb independence like what Tommy Emmanuel always stresses about. Developing thumb independence is what I've been doing for the past week, and just two days ago I kind of got the hang of it. If I don't lose my motivation this might be the next piece that I'm going to upload.

Books

-I've just finished reading John Irving's 'A Prayer for Owen Meany' which is a really good book. It kind of reminds me of some books that I've read earlier this year. Reading this took me about three weeks I think? And it's a bit special because it's my first book to have its spine broken. I don't know how to explain it, but before this I always take extra care when reading thick books. I never break my books' spines before because I try really hard to make my books look brand new. This time it was just..you know..eff it, books with broken spines are sexy too.

-Currently 9 books behind schedule on my  Goodreads' reading goal, and I honestly don't think I'll be achieving my goal this year, unless I cheat a bit. Kinda losing the motivation to read as well. My current book, 'The Godfather' is not that bad but I'm beginning to feel bored of reading because I have too many goals to accomplish this holiday. (We'll get to that soon). My sem break is really short and I have less than two weeks before I enter my new sem. 

Basketball

-Yep you've read that right. Thanks to this semester break (albeit being really short), and the recent Eurobasket tournament, I've been able to catch up on some basketball stuffs and it made me realise how much I miss basketball, and that court next to my block in Akasia, and my A-Level season which I spent more time shooting balls than studying (hahaha).

-I haven't been shooting balls since July 2013 but my basketball is something that I touch and dribble daily in my room. I wish I had some friends and a place where I can play basketball in Kuching, but too bad I don't know anyone and any places which allow people to shoot basketballs for free..alone..without being judged (cos obviously I'm not that good).

-Talking about the recent Eurobasket, well, I've been developing this weird love towards Spain because, lol, obviously, I've been watching the games of Spain versus other teams and these Spaniards are so cool with their glorious beards. I've been rummaging through my folder of old newspaper cuttings and was amazed that I actually kept newspaper cuttings of Pau Gasol when he was in the Lakers. That was..kinda back when I was still in secondary school. And honestly..I wasn't a fan of Gasol back then. I just kept newspaper cuttings of NBA games cos I loved the pictures. I know, weird. 

-Anyway. I'm going to talk about Spain because: dang, these guys revived my love for basketball. It reminds me of the days when I watched Slam Dunk on Animax. Sergio Llull reminds me of Ryota Miyagi. I'd like to say I really love Gasol, but Llull's moves as a point guard is so admirable. (Gasol is like a combination of Akagi Takenori and Hisashi Mitsui, if that's even a legit way to describe him). I also love Mirotic. You gotta love his massive beard. I've been really enjoying the games that they played in and that kind of makes me miss playing basketball more. 

Other Stuffs

-During my final exam some one or two weeks ago, I planned that I should start learning Mandarin. Just like anything else that I've learnt, I thought that hey, maybe I can find free resources and start teaching myself. I've taught myself some basic things, but I still still don't get how the Chinese characters work. You know, like how the Thai alphabets work.. I gotta find out about things like this first because I am more interested in reading a language before being able to converse in that language well.

-I haven't been driving for weeks omg. I seriously don't know how am I going to be able to drive well after this if I don't keep on practising.

Well, that's about it, I guess. Can't believe October will be coming so soon and this year is going to end in just a few more months. Still haven't jogged. Still haven't exercised. Still haven't done the things I thought I'd be doing by now. 

Driving with Dad (and Other Stories)

Last Friday, I finally received my P licence card from my instructor and that closed another chapter of my life, well, sort of, I guess. And of course, another chapter began.

The last thing my instructor told me was "Don't drive too fast." He repeated this several times, as if during practise sessions I liked driving too fast. Well, to be fair, I once drove at a certain speed (shall not be disclosed) with him. I did that because well, the brain is a very useful organ. I only realised about the psychological game behind my actions after I wrote a reflective entry in my journal.

This was what I wrote the night I received my licence card, four days after not driving, and the day before I drove with my dad:

"It's like after this no one is going to slam the brakes for me, swerve the steering wheel away from danger, or with fast hands honk another car that's going to hit me." (All three have actually happened during my practise sessions on the road lol). "After this, it's all going to be in my hands, and it kinda scares me. I will remember not to drive too fast."

..aaaand the next day my dad woke me up while I was napping. The plan was to drive to Siburan, a small town located several miles away from home. 

However, from a distance we saw that the traffic light broke down and I freaked out because obviously everyone drove using their own intellect and skills and I am so new to this situation hahaha. We made a last minute change in plans--the 'easier' route was obviously Kota Samarahan, well, at least it was easier at that point where the traffic light broke down, because no other vehicles were fighting to get there.

I suddenly freaked out again when I realised that Kota Samarahan has roundabouts. And lots of lorries. And weird wavy roads. Believe it or not, I went from this trying-to-act-cool-kid who drove at (speed shall not be disclosed) during lessons, to this kid who only had the guts to go 50km/h that evening. I took the words of my instructor quite literally. I didn't drive too fast. To make matters worse, my dad was scaring me with various remarks.

To be fair, it was my first time driving along this unfamiliar road. I stopped freaking out when we reached Kota Sentosa and the road back home (dang, we made a hugeeee turn) because these are the places where I always drove along. Still, at the speed of 50-60km/h, everything seemed so fast.

This was what I wrote on my journal that day:

"At the speed of 50-60km/h, everything seemed too fast. This amazes me in a way that during lessons I always had the guts to drive faster than that. Maybe it's a psychological thing. You know..cos I knew Mr. Sim will always be ready to slam the brakes for me if things happen. This time, all shit will be on my shoulders. Man, it's like moving out from infancy right into adulthood."

And really, honestly, the feeling of "moving out from infancy right into adulthood" kind of saddens me. Lessons were fun. Screw up and laugh. Hooray! Now the real thing is happening. Screw up and..well..there will be consequences.

On the next day, I drove to college with my dad. One of his remarks that is embedded in my brain right now was "If there were to be a pregnant woman in this car, she would've given birth right now." And I was not even speeding. You can pretty much say that my dad and I don't get along pretty well on usual days. This weekend was kind of like an exception, because only the two of us were at home.

My mum went for a church activity for 3 nights. She doesn't always leave home like this, and it felt so weird for me to be at home with just my dad. On usual days, I don't watch TV at all. I'd sit for hours in my room and go out to the kitchen, but rarely the living room. However, this weekend was so weird. I fully took over my mum's role of cooking and cleaning and everything and suddenly I feel so sad that this is the way of life for an adult woman. In other words, there seems to be no life at all. I don't want to grow up. Helping my mum on usual days were fine, normal, OK, bearable, but doing everything all by yourself kinda sucks. If I was alone, I could have just cooked something simple, but at the presence of my dad, I had a weird feeling of wanting to prove that I can cook something decent for both of us. 

So I listened to his stories. Talked to him. Controlled myself from feeling annoyed when I didn't agree with what he said. I sat for hours in front of the TV and we watched documentaries and funny shows together. It made me feel weird. First of all, I noticed that I do have some similarities with my dad. We do share some opinions. And I do know that these opinions are not what we share with my mum. And then there are some opinions that I reallllllly don't agree with. And these opinions annoy me very much. And then I realised that, well, I don't know man. I guess what I'm trying to say is that...I wish I spent more time with my dad (and vice versa). I actually enjoyed going out for lunch with him without the presence of my other family members, although we didn't talk much and he didn't enjoy the food. 

And that's it, I guess. Pretty much sums up my weekend. I don't think my dad is going to allow me to drive anywhere without his supervision yet, although to be honest there's nothing much he can do when I'm driving and he's sitting next to me. There are no extra brake pedals for him. Everything's still on my shoulders. And this is what scares me so much. This summer I guess being able to drive marks another chapter in my life as an adult. It feels like there is an extra responsibility to take care of. I know the way I mention it is like exaggerating a tiny stuff that most 17 year olds have achieved, but to me every time I think of driving, I think of my dad and how would he react if I screw up. 

Kinda makes riding buses a more appealing option, to be honest..