I Don't Know Why Am I Posting This

I see people grinning as they leave their seats.

Ten rows in front of me were empty. I took a glance around. I was not the only one left. I tried harder and harder to get a flashback of what I've read earlier, yet still I couldn't remember anything. My mind was empty, I had no feelings at all. As I continued to look at the ceiling and act as if I'm drumming, I didn't even feel nervous or worried.

Ethics was not that bad after all.
I still can't get the idea of why did I come out of the old library earlier than I've expected.

So goodbye Ethics! Till we meet again next sem! Bwahaha.

Reporting live from the library.

Worrying

I know it's such a negative title to start with in this month of October. I can't believe it's my first post of this month.

I'm just feeling worried that I'm not worrying when I'm supposed to feel worried. This feeling is just so hard to understand >.<

Latest News!

Reporting live from the library's computer lab! 

Ethics test just now was awesome woohoo! Core Maths was also cooool! Okay, I was kidding. :P

I should be depressed by now, thinking back on how I ruined the whole thing. I did study for Maths the whole day yesterday, I did read some notes for Ethics, but it seems like I didn't do good enough.

Chemistry and Biology will be next week. I don't want to repeat the same mistake. Why am I still spending time to go online now? Why am I still logging in to you-know-where? Why? WHYYYY? I also don't know why. I just think I deserve to have a little bit of fun while waiting for ko-pln to start hahaa. 

I should go now. 

Bye.

Life So Far

I have to admit life's been tough these past few days. 

My laptop died again.

My weekend was miserable.

I have a Bio report to be done and I'm basically wasting my time on other things because I don't have a laptop (what an excuse).

I get jealous when seeing other people have entertainment on their laptops.

I'm in the computer lab, trying to log into fb for a few times already but still fail to do so. I'm not gonna give up yo!

I know there's a reason God kept me alive despite all of these depressing moments (though it might not sound depressing to you). I've been slowly learning to be thankful not just when good things happen. Sometimes we just tend to praise God only when we face good things. When problems arise, we give up. I'm more less like that, but I can see myself walking a path of thankfulness for whatever condition life throws to me. I'm learning to feel OK even when things seem to be not OK. 

I know that day my laptop didn't die immediately because God knew it was an emergency. I really needed the slides. This time I don't really need it. Bio reports can still be done by using the computers in computer labs found everywhere in this place. If situations get worse, I can still borrow from others (this is definitely my last option lol).

So...my weekend was a bit miserable at first because I was feeling a bit lonely and I didn't have a laptop to log into fb to just talk to somebody. I was left with two options: sleep or revise. I chose to talk to God. I said I needed just someone to talk to. The next day, help came. It was as easy as that. The following day He also provided me friends, making me realise that hey, my simple request two nights ago was fulfilled. I now I have a reason to start this week with a smile.

I've never been nice to people in my entire life. Seeing how amazing God's love is in this place, it makes me ponder...how can I pay back what I've received? All these while I keep on receiving and receiving yet still not giving. Well maybe someday I'll know.

Thinking back of last week, I think I've learnt a lot. In fact I think the most valuable lessons so far came from a lot of things that happened after the Raya break. I won't be shocked if one day I think back of all these days and notice how much I've changed.

So yeah, still can't log into fb. Never mind then. I have to start doing my Bio report :)

When I Can't Endure in Silence

After a few months being in this place, I can't even answer one simple question - 

Am I an introvert, or an extrovert? 

Had a personality test during English this afternoon. It made me think hard on what kind of person I am actually. The problem is I can be both hyper and quiet. When I laugh too much, I don't feel right after that, especially when I think back on how hyper I was. The problem is when I talk too much, I tend to say something wrong. However, when I don't talk at all, I don't feel right. And I can't approach people first to start a conversation. People have to be friendly to me first, then there comes my insanity following afterward. 

So I guess I'm just something in between.

Whatever.

By the way, it's already 4 days since the 'laptop incidence'. Nothing wrong has happened again since then. It might sound so insignificant to you, but yeah it means a lot to me :)