I'm Scared

Seriously.

I've been Googling for solutions for Maths since I-don't-know-when, and it doesn't help much when you're so left behind.

I wish I could tell someone that I'm really scared of tomorrow's Maths.

and I keep coming back here hoping that somehow this fear can leave me as I express it out.

Because I really don't know to who else I should say this.

I've been telling the whole world, and repeating the same thing isn't cool.

I'm scared I just feel like tossing all these books and run outside to get soaked in the rain instead.

First Day of Finals

I just think today's quite funny.

Woke up feeling perfectly fine but later three hours of Statistics exam in a super cold small classroom caused me to get a terrible flu which is so annoying. Almost cried while answering the paper. Felt so sad and hungry I took a large pile of rice for lunch and yeah, dozed off in the library before Bio. Finished one packet of tissue paper provided by very generous housemate during Bio. Walked out of the exam hall in the heavy rain. Got my new pair of shoes wet. But entered the house with a large grin..

..plus a pocketful of tissue papers containing mucus.

Stats killed me, Bio made me come back alive. To those who are concern, yeah it's been a bad bad start especially for Stats, which I pretty much know how the end result will be.

Still alive, still going to carry on.

So what. It's not that I didn't study.

Time to study for the next Bio paper, with the hope that the flu medicine won't make me fall asleep.

So what. I'm still alive.

Zzzzzzz

I'm running out of titles and I'm starting to use letters and useless expressionsssss.

*Yawns*

It's raining. 

...and I like it.

Funny that the raindrops woke me up from my nap just now. Felt like continuing sleeping..but no.

It's been raining almost everyday here. Reminds me of my favourite Thai movie, Seasons Change. I love the rain. Was sitting here yesterday, studying Bio when it rained so heavily like never before. I was questioning myself why am I trapped inside this room studying while my heart is actually so excited, I feel like running outside and start dancing in the rain.

And today all I want to do is sleep.

But alas, life is not about all you want to do.

Sometimes (or most of the time) it's about all you need to do to get what you want to do.

Rainy season switches on my philosophical mood.

Zzzz.

AAAAAaaaaa

AaAAAAAaahhh I feel so stressed I just want to sing aloud right now.

But my room mate is here, studying.

Singing in the bathroom lagilah cannot. Echo man, Echo.

Back in home, the home is always mine. Can sing wherever, whenever I want.

Aaaaaaaa.

Hmmpphhh

As one of the very few people from my class who is not going back during this study leave, I was asked to take our previous Bio test papers from our lecturer.

And as a normal curious human being, of course I took the chance to look at my classmates' marks (and despairing at mine for being the second lowest again..).

There's this bunch of guys in my class, I don't know how do they normally study, but they are always late for class, sleep in class without hiding their sleepiness, yet still get double the marks that I always obtain.

And there's this bunch of kaki jalan, kaki wayang, kaki whatever, who looks as if they never bothered to study, yet still can do way better than me.

As life in college goes on, now I fully comprehend that we all have our own strengths, something that we are good at, even without trying.

Some of us sit hours and hours trying to comprehend something that someone else can understand even without putting much effort.

Here I am, complaining that I don't even get a single thing my Chemistry book is saying, and it takes me one day to finish a chapter of Statistics, and Maths can make me cry like a mad woman by just staring at the questions, and Bio is the only thing I can bear with. 

Not realising that I didn't try hard for my IELTS, yet God still blessed me abundantly with the results that I've just obtained. I never feel stressed out learning guitar on my own, yet God still blessed me with adequate skills for me to give back to Him. I have nothing to do with Thailand, yet I can effortlessly sing a Thai song for you. I can shoot a basketball into the ring. I'm not afraid of cats. I can kill  cockroaches for my screaming neighbours. I can do things that some people cannot do, so why am I complaining about the things that I am never good at?

I am a champion, just like you too,

even though I still hate the fact that sometimes our effort doesn't really match the end results.