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Reporting live from the library's computer lab! 

Ethics test just now was awesome woohoo! Core Maths was also cooool! Okay, I was kidding. :P

I should be depressed by now, thinking back on how I ruined the whole thing. I did study for Maths the whole day yesterday, I did read some notes for Ethics, but it seems like I didn't do good enough.

Chemistry and Biology will be next week. I don't want to repeat the same mistake. Why am I still spending time to go online now? Why am I still logging in to you-know-where? Why? WHYYYY? I also don't know why. I just think I deserve to have a little bit of fun while waiting for ko-pln to start hahaa. 

I should go now. 

Bye.

Life So Far

I have to admit life's been tough these past few days. 

My laptop died again.

My weekend was miserable.

I have a Bio report to be done and I'm basically wasting my time on other things because I don't have a laptop (what an excuse).

I get jealous when seeing other people have entertainment on their laptops.

I'm in the computer lab, trying to log into fb for a few times already but still fail to do so. I'm not gonna give up yo!

I know there's a reason God kept me alive despite all of these depressing moments (though it might not sound depressing to you). I've been slowly learning to be thankful not just when good things happen. Sometimes we just tend to praise God only when we face good things. When problems arise, we give up. I'm more less like that, but I can see myself walking a path of thankfulness for whatever condition life throws to me. I'm learning to feel OK even when things seem to be not OK. 

I know that day my laptop didn't die immediately because God knew it was an emergency. I really needed the slides. This time I don't really need it. Bio reports can still be done by using the computers in computer labs found everywhere in this place. If situations get worse, I can still borrow from others (this is definitely my last option lol).

So...my weekend was a bit miserable at first because I was feeling a bit lonely and I didn't have a laptop to log into fb to just talk to somebody. I was left with two options: sleep or revise. I chose to talk to God. I said I needed just someone to talk to. The next day, help came. It was as easy as that. The following day He also provided me friends, making me realise that hey, my simple request two nights ago was fulfilled. I now I have a reason to start this week with a smile.

I've never been nice to people in my entire life. Seeing how amazing God's love is in this place, it makes me ponder...how can I pay back what I've received? All these while I keep on receiving and receiving yet still not giving. Well maybe someday I'll know.

Thinking back of last week, I think I've learnt a lot. In fact I think the most valuable lessons so far came from a lot of things that happened after the Raya break. I won't be shocked if one day I think back of all these days and notice how much I've changed.

So yeah, still can't log into fb. Never mind then. I have to start doing my Bio report :)

When I Can't Endure in Silence

After a few months being in this place, I can't even answer one simple question - 

Am I an introvert, or an extrovert? 

Had a personality test during English this afternoon. It made me think hard on what kind of person I am actually. The problem is I can be both hyper and quiet. When I laugh too much, I don't feel right after that, especially when I think back on how hyper I was. The problem is when I talk too much, I tend to say something wrong. However, when I don't talk at all, I don't feel right. And I can't approach people first to start a conversation. People have to be friendly to me first, then there comes my insanity following afterward. 

So I guess I'm just something in between.

Whatever.

By the way, it's already 4 days since the 'laptop incidence'. Nothing wrong has happened again since then. It might sound so insignificant to you, but yeah it means a lot to me :)

He is Awesome

I HAVE to blog about this.

Yesterday it was supposed to be my turn to present my English decision making speech. The night before, I did some final touch up to my slides and finished doing so quite early, around 10.30pm. Feeling nervous but quite ready to face the next day, I went to bed without the slightest knowledge on what will happen the next day. All I knew that I just couldn't wait for the evening to come, as it was going to be my first time experience of serving for CA. 

The next morning (yesterday), everything was as normal, I got ready earlier than any other days and felt so excited to start the day. After the prayer meeting, we went to our respective classrooms and as for my class, we immediately started the presentation. I knew my turn was going to be quite late, so I relaxed first and decided to just switch on my laptop when my turn came.

Right before my turn, I switched on my laptop and guess what had happened. I had problem with my laptop, it could be switched on but couldn't enter the system. After some failed attempts to solve the problem, I gave up and accepted the fact. I thank God we had not enough time for everyone to present the speeches, so we had to continue it the next day (which is today). My mind was thinking about a lot of things. People were asking me whether I backed up my slides in my pen drive. Then I realised what a huge mistake which I've made. I didn't do so. Everything was so unexpected. 

With anger and despair (and feeling worried), I didn't know what to do but to blame myself and the Ethics presentation we had the day before. I felt like blaming someone and releasing my anger to someone, but because there was no one, I had to just keep everything inside. I walked out from the classroom (as we had to go to the lab after that), feeling really bad. From far, I saw my friend Kar Suan at the corridor. Thinking back of what had happened, I just knew God provided me a shoulder to cry on without me even asking for it. It was not coincidence that Kar Suan was standing there. I immediately went to her and told her everything. I didn't even realise that tears were flowing down my cheeks. She gave me a hug, saying that everything will be OK. I just don't know what I was feeling that time, I guess it was a mixture of feelings which made me feel awful.

I walked alone to the lab, but turned back and saw my classmates Fatin and Nadiah a few metres right behind me. They showed me that they also cared about what had happened, after asking me to cheer up, they suggested some solution to my problem. In the Bio lab, I couldn't even smile as I was worrying too much. How am I going to do all of my future assignments without my laptop. More importantly, how am I going to present my speech the next day?

That afternoon, I was in the same bus with Kar Suan. When we reached hostel, she offered me her help, which is to redo my slides using her laptop. So I followed her to her house, feeling quite bad for troubling a friend. After about an hour, I managed to do a decent presentation (did it halfheartedly), still thinking of my slides which I've prepared earlier which were far better than that one. I kept on questioning why? Why did such thing happen to me? Then Kar Suan's answer awakened me. It's OK, this is God's way to let me share His love to you. I thought of it again and I felt embarrassed for my previous feelings of anger and worry, as if there was no solution to the problem.

When I returned to my house, everybody haven't returned from class yet, so I was alone, thinking more about what had happened. I needed someone to talk to, but I didn't want to worry my mum, so I called my sister. It didn't even make me feel better as her remarks worried me more and made me blame myself more than before. So I called my mum, thinking that only her voice can calm me down. As I told her everything, I cried again. It was such a bad feeling.

I finished my conversation and there was still nobody with me in the house. It made me feel lonely and as if no one cares. Then something struck me. I forgot to do something. Talk to God. Since He promised to hear us whenever we cry out to Him, I knew that He is my only hope. So I prayed, saying everything that came across my mind. One of my main worries was not being able to serve for CA cheerfully that night. I didn't want that to happen. So I prayed more and more until my housemate Queen returned from class. Her presence in the house made me feel OK and I slowly forgot about the laptop for a while.

That evening, right after my other housemate Jing (whom I call a genius and tech-savvy person) returned from class, I asked her to check on what was happening to my laptop. After several attempts, in just a few seconds, the laptop was able to be switched on normally, as if nothing had happened before. The first thing that came across my mind was what I had asked God in my prayers that afternoon. Immediately, I took my pen drive and backed up the presentation that I needed. I praise Him for listening to my prayers and giving me that chance to back up what I really needed.

That night I gave my all during CA, praising Him as I knew that He has done something special to me before that CA gathering. I didn't even think of my worries anymore for the whole night.

And yeah, I woke up this morning as usual, but with some thoughts that the same problem might occur again today. However, I wasn't so worried because the slides that I needed were in my pen drive and I can borrow any laptops from my classmates later on. My thoughts weren't wrong, as I tried to switch it on this morning, the same problem happened. But this time I learnt my lessons. I managed to present my speech using my classmate's laptop. As I returned home, I tried to switch it own again but nothing happened. So guess what? If yesterday he heard my prayer and answered it, why not I continue to pray today? Therefore I prayed again, this time with more faith as I know what happened yesterday was not a coincidence. This evening, after several attempts (again), it came back to normal again, and I switched it on again tonight, hence I am here, typing this out to share how awesome He is. It might be a small story to you, but for me, it is something remarkable to know that God showed his love and care through people who are close to where you are, and when you feel like there's no solution to your problem, He's actually there to give you a solution.

Good night :)

The Journey Back

It's Tuesday today! I can't believe I didn't even touch my laptop yesterday! Here I am to narrate my adventures back to this place where mornings are so long, yet evenings and nights are so short :P hope you got the message.

Didn't feel really emo as the car left the house. Perhaps because of the nap right after returning from church haha. Felt like I forgot something, and yep I was correct. I forgot my hairbrush. Let's just skip these not so important details.

Time went by pretty fast. After taking lots of pictures, all I realised that I was already in the plane, once again sitting beside the window (woohoo!) with two other guys at the same row. Perhaps it was some sort of delayed emotion, I only felt something wrong during that time, right after the plane began to move. To be honest, tears were glistening in my eyes for no apparent reason. Maybe it's fear or perhaps it's the feeling of disappointment for not being able to wake up late again after this. I did drop a tear and quickly wiped it away with my sweater. I knew it was just some silly feelings playing a prank on me. I'm not that sad to leave my hometown. There are a lot of things which I'm looking forward to here. That doesn't include studies and assignments.

And yeah like my secondary school senior told me before, flights are boring. I didn't feel any excitement like what I've experienced during my first flight this year lol. Slept and woke up for a few times within the 1 hour and 45 minutes journey. It was a cloudy day and it wasn't fun when the plane kept on hitting the clouds. There was one terrifying moment when the plane felt like falling (kids in front were so excited, giggling and saying it felt like being in a roller coaster). My immediate reaction was to grab something close to me (luckily not the guy's arm beside me) and it was actually funny that we both held the chair handle (or whatever you call it) spontaneously. After that I came to realise that kids are more courageous than adults. While my heart felt as if it had jumped out of my throat, the kids were giggling. Talk about the fear of dying too early. Hah.

I am not supposed to take any pictures. I didn't know the rules until a guy signaled us not to do so.

 Nothing special happened when we arrived, unlike the moment when we reached Kuching with huge grins on our faces. No one's there too pick us up. We haven't even really arrived yet. So yeah, no sigh of relief. 

Reached kolej at about 5.30pm. Felt empty inside out. With an empty stomach and empty heart, I forced myself to act cool. I succeeded until today. Still cool and alive. Every individual has a reason for his or her journey. I have one too. And yeah big girls don't cry.

Get ready for another sequel of this journey. Heh.

Dramatic enough?

Back in a Few Hours

Bye bye cozy bed. Say hello to bantal yang keras macam batu (yeah I'm okay with that, it's just the way I describe it). Bio report. Done. Ethics presentation. Completed it a few minutes ago. English speech. Alamak.

Oh well, now I realise how much I've procrastinated. I blame myself for my laziness. Lessons leart: do your homework during the first few days of your holiday. You'll never regret.

I'm afraid.

Afraid that I forgot to complete one of my homeworks. I'm forgetful and lazy. What a combination.

Afraid that I'll feel homesick when I return to you-know-where tomorrow. My feelings are unpredictable yo.

Afraid that the flight ticket for my end-of-sem is going to be too expensive. Have to book quickly eh.

Holiday has been awesome, but I'm not going to go far with this type of lifestyle. Two sleepless nights because of Bio report (it was fun yo!). Playing Angry Birds (now I know how fun it is!). Relaxing is fun, but it's not cool.    I need some self-discipline in my life XD

So yeah. Fourteen hours left.