I Wish and What If

I wish I never had to explain so hard when people ask me why.

It's only the second week of January. Life's been as interesting as it always is, I managed to accomplish a few things I never thought of accomplishing - a three-pointer in basketball for the first time when playing alone on a random evening, a set of almost complete chemistry notes digested from the whole AS textbook, and a few little things like staying fully awake in class and having lesser and shorter online sessions.

Of course, motivation is always high in the first few stages of something.

I only have 51 days for my trial exams and life so far isn't only about studies, but self-discovery as well. It is indeed tiring to have so many things playing in my mind, with conflicts and confusion, faces of people, old memories, rebellion and doubts. But so far none has given me the thoughts that life is a misery, at least not yet. 

I wish we live in a world with more real people, no puppets and robots, all doing things to deceive and please those around them. I wish I never became one in the first place. Sadly I am one, even in the times when I don't realise.

I wish more people in this world could understand why certain people hold on to certain beliefs.

What if someday I take a drastic step that could change my future?

It's unbelievable that sometimes you don't even know whether you are doing something right or wrong, and it's seriously scary. 

I wish if I am wrong, then I should know that I am wrong.

I just want to go back home one day, coming just as I am, without having to fake my actions and beliefs just because of people and places and principles, but because of one right reason - 

which I am not really sure of.