Funny

Hi. Another late-night post. I know.

Haven't been sleeping well for the past 2 weeks. Can't get myself to sleep early. And it in the end makes me think too much.

2012 is coming to its end very soon.

Throughout this year, I've been thinking too much about growing up. About how I should behave as a 19-year-old. About how I should get rid of my immaturity and start being wise whenever being challenged to be wise. I guess it's normal. You come to an age when you experience so many new things, mingle around with so many matured people, you just want to be like them.

Just a few seconds ago, it struck me that perhaps all these while I've been trying too hard to grow up, not knowing that it won't come as fast as I always thought it would be. 

Just a few weeks ago, on the final day of my end of semester exams, I was taking a stroll with a friend to my college's Faculty of Music.

Well if I were to answer a question about how happy I am to be in an environment where my future is so blurry, where my enthusiasm seems to die, my faith so shallow, I'd answer that it's one of the worst stages of my life so far.

Back to the Faculty of Music story, I'll tell you a secret.

It's one of the best places in my college.

There's this unexplainable feeling whenever I step into that place. When musical notes hit my eardrums. When I see people who get to do what they are really certain of doing for their futures.

I told my friend that if I didn't have to think of my future, and how I would need to be responsible of my own survivability, I'd probably been taking courses that make me feel happy. Although I have to admit that most of the time, I am never certain about my true passion.

It's funny. 

It's funny that the year when I suddenly get serious about growing up, is also the year where I find myself dealing with so many immature thoughts, so many questions, and so many unresolved doubts.