Monday

Today is Monday. (Stating the obvious).

It's been a long longgg day. (Trying to make it sound like a dramatic day).

Nah, enough with the attempt of being funny. (Attempt fail).

I screwed up my Stats test because I was too ignorant to prepare for it. Last Friday I was thinking of studying on Saturday, but last Saturday I thought I deserved a day to rest, then there came Sunday and I forgot I had to do a whole load more tasks like Chemistry practical report, Bio report(s), etc.

So there I was, sitting in misery and sleepiness. I hate this cycle of regrets.

..and here I am, blogging about my life when I'm supposed to (literally) start hitting my laptop for my Bio report. Was thinking of blogging from the library this afternoon, when my brain suddenly rebelled. Googling for images of cinnamon, mint, shallot, garlic, cloves bla bla bla was not fun, and my brain told me that 

"hey, c'mon, your life is more than this".

but sometimes you cannot merely follow your brain, especially if you have a brain like mine.

So I chose to continue doing it with diligence  (that sounds too dramatic) a heart that says, hey, yeah, I'm doing it out of terpaksa-ness, but it's for my own benefit. See it in a bigger picture, it's for my parents, see it in another bigger picture, it's for God. 

Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. - Colossians 3:23

There comes the word willingly. I told you terpaksa-ness is not a good thing.

Anyway, if someone was spying on me at 1am last night, that person could most probably see me shaking my head with my headphones on, trying to get that sleepiness away from me. It felt great to listen to Nothing is Impossible in full volume. Bwahaha.

And yeah, this story is certainly not according to chronology. Reminds me of the Form 4 novel Terminal Tiga.

So what made this day quite interesting is that...(takes a deep breath in)..

I received my topic test paper for Maths and ow yeah as expected I'm in the same place I'm always in and when the lecturer asked for our marks one by one I was the only one who came in front to whisper it to her rather than announcing it loud and clear like my classmates so yeah I feel good to be different and to be laughed at because I would have laughed too if I saw someone doing the same thing and you know what even if I scored 100 I would have done the same thing too, to be honest, and yeah in addition to that I didn't feel the slightest feeling of emoness because I know I can do far better in my finals, I just know it and that's me being realistic, not just optimistic.

...and shockingly my lecturer didn't comment a single thing about our marks, not like what she used to do last time.

I am indeed thankful for that.

What I need now is a little bit of perasan-ness because I came to realise that when my perasan level is high enough, that's when I gain confidence.

You don't have to agree with me about that. 

But when I say something in this blog, I'm being very honest. It's rather I write about it, or not write about it at all. 

To me, perasan=confidence, and I'm ok with that.

Back to Bio report, again.