Done with one paper. Still want to do more. Taking a break for a while, and thought of something random.
I'll take a line from David Cook's song, "...watched all the bitterness burn"..
I hate to say this, but I admit, I've been keeping too much bitterness for so long, I can't even trace back since when I started to respond differently to certain people in my life. I am against any sort of disrespect, I believe strongly in the importance of honouring others, yet tonight, I won't lie, what happened to me since early 2012 changed me so much, I dare not think of what I've done.
I wonder if those people really did care for me in the first place, or did they stop caring because I drew away from them? Did they think that I no longer needed their help? Did they think I am not worth their time and concern? Did they see no positive changes in me, and gave up? Or did they do that because they thought I needed my own space?
I know my faults.
I reacted coldly. I drew away. I probably showed anger. I made abrupt decisions without asking or discussing. I stopped asking for advice. I hurt their feelings through my reactions, perhaps. Or probably in the first place, they did not care much. I was not worth their time and effort.
Let me throw to you one question, what is the meaning of encouraging those who are readily encouraged?
There are millions of discouraged people out there. But most important of all, I think we should put in mind that they might fall into two categories:
Both discouraged, but one is easy to teach, while the other is stubborn, rebellious, good-for-nothing.
I know which category do I belong to.
Unless that person can give a second try in encouraging me, chances are, I might change my perception. After a brief first try, but afterwards..gone? Sorry, but I think you might be faking your kindness. I know, I'm mean. But I guess most of us yearns for a person who will never give up on us, no matter what our actions and reactions are.
Let me throw to you my question again,
What is the point of encouraging those who are readily encouraged, and ignoring the discouraged, while you're talking about how you care much about people's life?
This is a harsh entry, forgive me if it doesn't sound like me. But to be honest, I've watched all my bitterness burn, and since when was that? Since I stopped caring much about following what other people wanted me to do.
Do I still believe in God? Yes. Am I angry with God? Why should I? Can I prove that I love God? No, because I don't need to, if doing that merely gives me attention from people which may cause my faith to change into pride.
I've changed. Do I like it? No. But if that change can help me to release my bitterness, I don't mind.
3 comments:
emo benar you. -.- and you sounded so angry.
here's what i feel, correct me if i'm wrong/insensitive about how you feel.
chill lah. people still do care. at least i still think so la. when you're in trouble or feel in need of help, voice it out, text/call people (that's the use of mobile phone right?). people can't read minds, they're not there with you 24/7. and you might say that who knows something prompt them to check on you/text you or something. well, occasionally it might happen, if not, then you have to search for people to pour out to instead of being in such an emo state alone. that's why God gives us a community of believers, to encourage one another. blah to the excuses 'they might be busy/don't care/no time for me', you haven't tried, how would you know?
even in the course you feel like nobody cares, remember, God still cares for you.
people are not gonna be there for you forever, we're mortal beings, but God remains faithful. Hebrews 13:8 yes, i know, human's assurance is of course needed, nobody can survive without friends/companions. i remember one saying that says humans disappoint but God never disappoint. so, turn to Him, you know you can always count on Him. when the going gets tough, just think about Jesus!
emo-ness is inevitable at times but if it's long and consuming you up, turning you into a bitter person, then i think there's problem somewhere.
chill lah bro/sis, iboh emo gilak.
when you need me, you know my number, i'm just a phone call/text away regardless of time.
God bless.
p.s. i'm not in any way to judge you or anything. just beh song see you so emo, and i don't want this to consume you up. Jesus loves you very much. :)
I wasn't emo lahh. I just slept late..and my mind wandered off. I know you sure beh song wan. Lol. Anyway thanks for your opinion, I can't imagine you typing that long from your iphone.
I'm just putting my thoughts into words, how for the past one year I've encountered people of all sorts, and I regret for what I have done till it caused them to stay away from me. It was supposed to be a reflective post on how wrong my actions were, but I strayed away too much from the main topic. That's all, nothing serious.
And don't worry, I get what you're telling me. :)
just don't dwell on it too much lah, perempuan emo. gothic benar. sangat tidak tahan. -.- haha okay chill lah bro! shoo shoo go focus on your exam. get all 3A* yoh haha. xD
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