Tuesday

We have three more days before the weekend.

Went to bed last night with a very nervous feeling.

Felt sleepy in class.

Had a very cheap lunch. (yay?)

Nervous again.

Sang off-key.

Nervous again.

Had my speaking test.

Came back to Akasia feeling super hungry.

*******

Just want to say a few things about speaking test just now.

Part 1 was about how I learned to read when I was a child. There were questions about reading habits etc. I wrote about that once in this blog.

Part 2 was about something that I spent on after collecting my own money. I talked about my guitar. Wrote about that before in this blog too.

Part 3 was about spending/saving money, and is it necessary for parents to buy everything that their children want. I was about to write about that in my blog, with the title "I Used to Hate Rich Kids" which is still saved as a draft. :P

So yeah, I'm not going to stop blogging.

In fact I wish I could speak just like how I blog about stuffs :/

....

I've just realised one thing.

My guitar makes me happy. Was about to be in emo state but quickly picked up my dear boyfriend and strummed a few random chords so hardly.

Housemates still not here yet. I am OK of being alone, I've been through that for the whole week and believe me, IT WAS FUN! :D

..but then seeing others..walking with their housemates..makes me wonder...

where are mine? 

Lol I am not emo.

Feelings

Feelings. Do you believe in your feelings? Do you believe that your feelings can change a person's life?

Never underestimate the power of feelings.

Bathed late and thought about this funny little thing called feelings. I think my philosophical mood got activated by the water.

I'm a person who loves to express my feelings. I'm rather hesitant and not so confident in defending my opinions, but this is among the few exceptions. I believe that there's nothing wrong to let others know your feelings. And I believe that most of the time, it is important to let people know what you think about them. 

I describe myself simply as "I feel..that I feel too much", because that's the truth about me. I feel things very easily. I get happy when people make my day, I get sad easily when things seem to be not like it's supposed to be. I like to express to people how I appreciate their actions towards me, because I believe it's something good to do - life is easy, you tend to do the things that you wish people would do to you. So this gives you the basic idea of all of this thing that I'm typing. Fact number 1: you will never know how happy I am when your simple act touches my heart. It doesn't have to be something big. Smiling back to me makes me happy. A pat on the back makes me super happy. I remember a lot of little little things that you might not realise you've done to me. And that's why I tend to have this desire to let people know that I appreciate them as well. However I guess sometimes it's a rather funny thing to do especially when people seem to feel not as much as I do.

Fact number 2: please don't think that I'm weird when I seem to excessively thank people for small stuffs, or when I annoy you with my over-expressing-feeling (or whatever you call it). I try to put myself into situations that I face, most of the time. Because I love it when people say I'm good in something, I really want to say to others the same thing. Because I love it when people describe me with positive adjectives, I want to do the same things to others as well. 

I don't think it's wrong to say what you want to say about someone. If you think he/she made you happy because of something, then say it out.

Here's the thing: I imagine this thing, most of the time.

What if someone was suicidal, but you never knew about it. He/she thought that he/she is never good in anything, he/she doesn't even know who would cry if he/she dies, he/she keeps on wondering about the purpose of living and everyday there seems to be no reason to smile at all.

What will happen if you tell that fellow, "hey, you're very good in _____(insert name of sport/musical instrument/whatever random talent)". Or make that person feel like his/her presence is noticed. Do you think a person would still think of killing oneself? No, I tell you.

Problem with society is that when someone says something out, they call you attention seeker. Everyone tries to act strong, but the truth is, ah just admit it, everyone, every single person on earth needs attention and encouragement from one another. Ugly truth, not everyone will agree with this statement. But don't tell me you don't feel anything when your message is replied, or when your mum and dad say "I love you", or when your friend says you're mighty awesome etc.

We are all attention seekers, face that fact. (But yeah, to be fair let's just say that our level of attention-seeking varies among individuals). (What the heck, from feelings I suddenly focus on attention-seeking. Essay almost out of topic darnit).

You'll never know how you've made a person smile before they go to bed. You'll never know when you've changed a person's heart on how beautiful life is. Sometimes I do wonder if I ever made a change to someone's mood for even once. I don't like the feeling of wondering. Therefore you get this type of me - the one who will tell, or at least give a hint - that yeah, you made me smile before going to bed tonight. But too bad, sometimes it's a very weird thing to do, so most of the time I keep it to myself, with the hope that the people will somehow know that they've made me happy.

Life is short. It's good to let people know that they've made you happy - because it makes them happy  too. I can't imagine dying without even knowing whether I've made someone happy or not. (Purely based on my way of thinking). That's the conclusion.

You don't have to agree with me, seriously ;)

but you can always leave a comment to show that I'm not talking alone like a madman here. (attempt of seeking for attention in an indirect manner, I admit).

Till we meet again.

Alone with a Song

I somehow love being alone.

It makes me think more, and during these times inspiration blooms. It's not that I don't find inspiration when I'm with a bunch of people. In fact, it's when I'm with people I get the inspiration. When I'm alone I expand/ develop the inspiration and make it into something..like a song.

So here it goes. I don't really have a good title for it, but I think Rubbing Shoulders would do well, even though it is not meant to mean the idiom 'to rub shoulders with somebody'. I take it rather literally here.

Rubbing Shoulders

a song about life, memories and friendship

Verse 1

When life throws you into different places

that's when you get to see a lot of faces

but then eventually we'll have to say goodbye

and we'll be just like birds, flying in the sky

Pre-chorus

And you wonder

How it's gonna be

When we leave this place today

are the memories here to stay?

Chorus

Rubbing shoulders with a thousand people

Forming bonds, as time goes by

It's strange that strangers can become as close as siblings

and there are

a million reasons to believe that goodbye's just the start

so it should be...

Till we meet again!

Verse

I guess it's weird that time flies and people come and go

It's just like seeing sunshine, now you see the snow

Pre-chorus

And I ponder

Life is sometimes funny

When you get to say hello

Next day you get ready to go

Chorus

Rubbing shoulders with a thousand people

Forming bonds, as time goes by

It's strange that strangers can become as close as siblings

and there are

a million reasons to believe that goodbye's just the start

so it should be...

Till we meet again!

*********

Try to guess where did I get the idea of the first line of the chorus? Kepong Market.

It gave me an idea that in life, we get to know a lot of people but most of them will leave, or maybe it's us who leave a place. Then we meet new people. Sometimes we pass by people and smile, or offer help, and that's probably the last time we see that person. 

It's rather different for most of us - some were born and raised in different places, some grow up in the very same place, hence there's a special bond with the people around. I spent the last weekend with a friend of mine who has been born and raised in the same area. I like that fact very much. It's fun and nostalgic - and the people around are the same people who witnessed your stages of life. 

My life story is totally different. Moving from places to places makes me ponder on who are my friends - I don't have a friend who grew up together with me (besides my siblings). Life revolves around making new relationships, leaving, and building new ones. 

College life teaches me the same thing. Farewells are inevitable.

..but sometimes people still meet again in this world!

Updates

Where should I start first? I feel like telling everything.

Finished a carton of Marigold Peel Fresh Orange Juice 2 seconds ago in one gulp.

Came back from Mydin 5 Minutes ago, grabbing all comfort food that could be seen. Life is wonderful. Got myself a jar of Nutella, my first ever jar of Nutella in SA (or can I say Malaysia?) just to make myself happy. Nah, I was kidding. Actually I promised to myself that I will get one once my allowance comes in, so that pretty much explains something.

Where should I start?

Friday

My adventures began last Friday right after classes ended. Hopped into the sports car back to Akasia, packed my bag and set off for an unforgettable journey with Kar Suan and Sharon (and Yasi who shared the taxi). Wow that rhymed.

Had an awesome moment jamming all evening, abusing Kar Suan's piano and acting like Mozart. Sharon became our official vocalist. Tried out Smell the Rain, which made me a little bit perasan because I like the piano version so much. My salutation goes to Kar Suan for being able to produce a cool piano version in not more than five attempts. I'm itching to upload it somewhere, who knows we might be discovered and can become like Bieber. Aha, just kidding. I'm itching to upload it somewhere because I want to share the joy of the lyrics and melody. Honestly. Seriously. My ultimate goal is to write songs that can inspire people, too bad I don't know any music theory. (Wait, no..my ultimate goal is to jam on a rooftop. That's my second ultimate goal.)

So yeah. How can I ever forget about food? HAD THE AWESOMEST CHINESE FOOD WOOHOO! When I say 'Chinese food', you understand what I mean. 

Went online at night, while Sharon studied Chemistry. Aha.

Saturday

Next morning woke up quite early and got ready to go..shopping. Haha. Followed Pegawai Hospitalily (aka Kar Suan's mum) to the market :D It was..fun, before the sun came up. Literally rubbed shoulders with (not that idiom) a lot of people. Had an awesome breakfast of Dim Sum. It was tiring to walk in a crowd of people all busy shopping for the new year, but it was also a fun experience!

Went to Mid Valley...and spent the whole day there. Woo! Met with Sharon's friend and Sharon's friend's friend (I purposely don't want to put their names because it sounds more fun that way) :P I was amazed by their friendliness,and it's fun to know that people don't need a really long time to know one another to exchange jokes and have fun. 

Had an awesome lunch (ahahaaa...) of my favourite foooood. Those who know me knows the answer.

Ah, before that..had a great time in MPH hunting for books. Clearance sale. A lot of books. Who wouldn't get crazy?

Replaced my boyfriend with a new one. I shall now forget about  the dead pair of jeans.

So basically the whole Saturday was shopping day. Everyone was tired. I woke up earlier than Sharon on the next morning. YAYY! 

Sunday

I repeat, I woke up earlier than Sharon! Woo!

Felt like sleeping in north pole (I shall miss that tonight). We followed Kar Suan to her church, it was interesting that the sermon was the same thing shared during the last CA. For a constantly-worrying person like me, it woke me up to an answer that I've been asking myself quite frequently. 

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-7

So all these while I've been asking myself, I'm afraid that I'm not worrying when I'm supposed to be worried. Tett. Worrying and being concerned are two different things altogether. 

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Philippians 4:8-9

So I thought worrying will make me want to study more and excel more in my academics. I thought it was one factor to be considered. I was wrong. Worrying doesn't take me anywhere. I should start practising the things that I heard. People around me have been encouraging me with all sorts of words, yet I fail to give my best. I know myself. This is not me. I should put into action what God wants me to do. Time to wake up.

You know that awesome feeling when you've studied so hard, that satisfaction..although you didn't get excellent outcomes in the end..but you know that you've done your best? I want that feeling.

Went back to Akasia after lunch and some further jalan-jalan. This weekend is indeed an unforgettable one.

Not to forget that I made friends with two younger people. Yay! Being the youngest in the family, I have this habit of mixing around with older people. Weird, but quite true.

So yeah, that pretty much summarizes the things that happened this weekend. Currently imagining myself reading this in a few years to come. Hmm..interesting.

Thanks to everyone who made me smile! :)

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaa...I need to pass it on!

It only takes a spark to get a fire going.
And soon all those around, can warm up in glowing.
That's how it is with God's love,
Once you've experienced it, you spread His love to everyone;
You want to pass it on.

What a wondrous time is spring, when all the trees are budding;
The birds begin to sing, the flowers start their blooming.
That's how it is with God's love;
Once you've experienced it, you want to sing
"It's fresh like spring"; you want to pass it on.

I wish for you my friend, this happiness that I've found.
You can depend on Him, it matters not where you're bound.
I'll shout it from the mountain top - PRAISE GOD
I want the world to know; the Lord of love has come to me,
I want to pass it on.

Couldn't get this out of my head since the last Prayer Meeting.

p.s. My broadband is about to reach its limit and I have a Bio report to be done. Trying hard to use it wisely. Want to upload photos, but have to think twice. Serves me right, asyik-asyik pergi YouTube.

Death of the Jeans

I'm here to mourn for the loss of my beloved pair of jeans and the embarrassment I endured without even realising about it.

To cut the story short, woke up late this morning thanks to 9am class.

Grabbed my pair of jeans...

and got the shock of my life.

There was a large hole somewhere...where it isn't supposed to be.

It's funny because it's weird. And it's sad because I think it's funny and sad at the same time. And it's embarrassing but I just don't know why am I telling the whole wide world about it. 

Maybe I just don't have any better stories to tell.

To be honest, first thing that came into my mind was "oh no, how am I going to live without a pair of jeans?" Ugly truth: It's my only pair of jeans that I brought here, and I'm going back in 4 months to come. 

People can easily say "go buy lah!" but here's my theory:

Jeans are like boyfriends. It's hard to search for one that really suits you.

(I don't know why I keep on referring to stuffs as 'boyfirends' lately).

Jeans are either too tight, or too low-cut, or too ugly in colour (and the list goes on for a choosy person like me).

So I regret for saying a thing to my jeans that I never fulfilled - "The weather is so hot, I should have washed my jeans".

Sadly, I only realised that the second truth was uglier. I was walking around in a koyak paired of jeans yesterday. I DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW WHO SAW ME D=

Rest in Peace inside my locker, oh you pair of jeans.

199*-2012.

Half-dead Optimism

I don't have anything to say, but for the sake of updating, let me just say something.

Homeworks are piling up, and yup, I know I'm not supposed to be here. A lot of things are in my mind, voices keep ringing inside my head. Sometimes I feel great, sometimes I don't. 

Normal life of a college student? Perhaps.

I don't want to sound emo because it'll sound fake because I'm not (yet) in emo state.

The way you see it, this thing follows you even when you learn Statistics.

I'm not in a philosophical mood yet, so yeah..got nothing else to say. Till we meet in another chapter. 

By the way, anonymous commenter..

I want to know who you are.

2 Weeks Later

Last week: "Oh!~ Everything is so far so great."

This Week...

Bio

Chem

Maths

English :D

That sums up my life so far. Trying hard to maintain the optimism.

Smell the Rain

9th January 2012, 5pm, Akasia.

Just another song. Some verses don't rhyme. Inspired by the rain. Weird title, I know..but it wasn't intended to copy Yiruma's Kiss the Rain. I believe some verses also sound familiar to other songs I listened to, but I cannot recall which song :P

Anyway, here you go:

SMELL THE RAIN 

(an emo-turned-happy song)

We're far apart, but I believe

When you look outside the window

Gone is your sorrow.

The chirping birds might sound all the same

but I'm among one of them

Telling you that I came.

Pre-chorus:

Enjoy the smell of the rain

The green leaves that are falling down

I'll take away all your pain

and you know, that I'm all around.

Chorus:

Hold on, put a smile

Life's too short, don't be so fragile

Smell the rain

and don't complain.

Sing, dance, feel the wind

Spin around and try to catch the leaves

No one knows 

How exactly fun it feels like

Bridge:

Treasure every single memory

Laugh aloud, join the crowd

Yea, time passes by so quickly

Seasons change, there's no doubt..

Chorus

Story behind the song

Was alone, came back from college earlier than the others, so yeah. Inspiration came when it suddenly rained and my nose detected the awesome smell of the rain. Admit it. Everyone loves the smell when it's raining. I know it's not the smell of the rain itself, but gah, just simply wrote everything down after the first line appeared into my mind.

It was actually an emo-ish song at first, but turned out that the lyrics of the chorus part became a bit happy-ish, so I changed some emo lines:

• "We're far apart" was originally "You're far away". Still emo, I know.

• "I'll be the smell of the rain" was changed to "Enjoy the smell of the rain". Original line was...awkward, because I later said "Smell the rain and don't complain". I think you got what I'm trying to say :P

• Green leaves don't fall, probably. But I don't want to change it to brown. 

• Actually the situation of the song was something like this: the persona (cewah..) is emo-ing and the writer is trying to make the persona happy by reminding the persona that the writer is in everything that the persona sees/feels. I was picturing the writer as a dead person actually, at first..and the writer is me.Too emo. Cannot..cannot..

Personally, I like this song. (Perasan lagi..).. :P

© 2012 Fee A. All rights reserved.

It's Raining..

because there are people karaoke-ing across the road.

Akasians living in certain blocks will understand.

First Week (Part 2)

There are still a lot of things to be written about this week, so I decided to make a second part of the 'story'.

Azreen's recently updated status reminded me of something...

Fact no.1: I was very jealous when I saw parents sending their kids back to college last Monday.

Although I was grinning all my way walking into Akasia, the huge smile and excitement didn't last long. Carrying my luggage of 30kg was enough to make me jealous of the kids who had their parents to send them into the hostel area, helped them to carry everything into their room, and even hung around with them at the car park.

After a few trips to the guard house where I left my luggage, I also had to carry back my boxes from the TV room. It was tiring. It was quite emo-ing. However I learnt something.

*beware of perasan sentences, which is about to emerge soon..*

I felt like a champion. Seriously. Honestly. (I am typing this with a serious face).

I felt that I'm a real college student, being able to pass the first test upon reaching this land of uncertainties. (Exaggerating a bit here, I know).

I felt awesomely awesome. 

Allow me to do some self-motivation on my own blog, please.

...and I understood something. Sometimes you just have to believe in yourself that you can do something without having to rely on people always. Yes, sometimes you need support, but it's the moments like this when you view yourself as being capable of doing something.

That was my first perasan moment here. It made me appreciate myself more. 

Adding to the perasan-ess, 4 days of muscle pain ain't bad at all yo. This is embarrassing, but I have to say I was happy to see my biceps as I faced the mirror. I'm normal. I'm normal. :P

Enough with the perasan story.

Let me think of some random things.

Aha.

"Do I look like a person with credibility?" - *arranges jacket, looks into the mirror, rushing to leave the room.*

"You look like you."

I couldn't thank Queen enough for the answer, which somehow meant something really meaningful to me despite being said in the usual Queen style.

...and joke of the week. (I don't know if anyone gets it. Should try with someone outside the house).

- If moi is porridge, then amoi should be aporridge? XP

What am I doing? I should be studying now! D=

First Week

Here comes the weekly report. 

Actually I wanted to wait till tomorrow to write this, but let's just leave another story for tomorrow's post. It's Friday Friday..and we were singing that song as we (gleefully) hopped off the bus this morning.

...and it seems to be a ritual to sing Pokemon's theme song for every start of the schooling (or college-ing?) season. The lyrics somehow speaks to me...

"Our courage will pull us through."

This week has been fine so far. Got my grades for last sem's finals, which ehem, made me a person of "having a complete set of grades". You know what I'm trying to say. I've remarkably stop comparing my grades with others and I believe God sees my effort and I'll have to do my best this sem. I'm not into depression (yet) and I'm planning to maintain this optimism that I'm having. (Yay!). Goodbye emo Fiona. Optimistic Fee is coming to town.

Selected photo of the day: ME HAS A VISION... :P

Got a first row seat in class, which was my target since last sem. Bwahaha. Now's the time to fight my sleepiness. 

Talking about sleepiness, I'm actually quite sleepy now. Still lacking inspiration to write anything philosophical.

I...need..to...nap........... 

This is Real Life

AAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Screaming in delight. I guess.

Woke up from a very short evening nap feeling fully recharged. The clock seems like not moving at all. I feel great.

Went to college for registration today, which revealed both good and bad news. Good news is that there's no double period for Maths this sem, which makes me feel a bit optimistic about surviving the lessons. Bad news, my housemate is going to fast-track, which means there will only be the three of us left in the 4th sem. Feel happy for her, but sad at the same time.

Been doing nothing all evening, other than rearranging the books and changing Jing's guitar strings. How I wish the whole sem will be like this. 

This kind of feeling should last forever.

Will blog more this weekend. We're gonna experiment with the new rice cooker now. Woohoo!

Back to Real Life

I ain't gonna pack my things till it's 12am.

Just kidding. Actually I've started packing a few nights ago but I kinda got bored with it, so now if there's a hidden camera in the room, you can actually see how disastrous the mess is - especially when I fail to figure out what to bring and what not to bring (yup, the usual sentence used over and over again).

I also have this "Back to Akasia - The Ultimate Checklist" to ensure that I'll not forget to bring my hairbrush like before.

And I've done my research on "how to bring a guitar on an airplane" just in case something bad happens. 

Now that there's a few hours left here, I'm starting to think about my future in Akasia. 

No more sleeping like how I always sleep here. No more guitar-ing all day. No more perfectly-cooked vegetables (ALM people will understand) and awesome food. 

...but there's one good thing..

No more forever-alone moments.

Home is awesome, but Akasia is also not bad at all when there are a lot of friends around you. 

...and CA

...and the basketball court next to my block..

...and the..and the...well let's just face the new sem and figure out the rest of the good things later.

Ace ALL the topic tests and finals.

Eat ALL the food in al-awwal's menu.

Buy ALL the biscuits in Mydin.

Starting a new chapter tomorrow...let the journey begin~