Stages of Depression

Have you heard of the song Six Degress of Separation? It goes like "First, you think the worst is a broken heart, whats gonna kill you is the second part, and the third, is when your world splits down the middle", and it goes on describing forth, fifth, then sixth..

I think depression has many stages, many funny ones if you ask me. It's like you're sad but you can be happy for a while. No wonder in anime sometimes they can make it so depressing then put some funny short moments in between.

Yesterday when I posted my update, I was already okay. You know, like really okay. But then the funny cycle repeats itself up until now, and is still ongoing.

Here's a brief summary of the stages:

1. Goes to bed. Can't sleep. Play some depressing music. Cry like crazy, feel like shouting and swallowing 100 paracetamol tablets.

2. Let's listen to some gospel music. No, not "There is None Like You", too many good memories with that one.

3. Falls asleep feeling so thirsty but "F it, I don't mind falling sick. If that could kill me then it's better to fall sick."

4. Wakes up at 8. "Shit, too early, let's pretend to sleep."

5. Finally gets up a few hours later. Got busy for the whole evening. Wash car. Do some light kitchen work.

6. Bathe and think about life, saying "F it, what have I done to my life?"

7. Then "Come on, I need to know some important updates on Facebook."

8. Scrolls to infinity and get sad seeing all the happy updates. Scream inside, "I HATE YOUUUU" to everyone, including friends. Unlike a few pages which used to be liked. Decides to cut ties PERMANENTLY with those who don't give a damn about me when I'm horribly depressed. Curse here, curse there. Starts to question "where is X, where is Y", whine like a bitchy teen, fuming because "Life's unfair" and "Nobody cares."

9. Log in to blog to post this angry update so that the world knows that I hate it so much.

10. Feel messed up. Shit really got serious this time.

11. Dread about tomorrow. 

12. Repeat cycle to infinity.

At this moment, I swear I really hate everyone, including myself.

This is why I hate to see this day coming. I was afraid that I might hate the things and people whom I had good memories with, and it's true. It has become a reality. I hate you, and I'm serious. I hate you.