Tomorrow...

There's starting to be a trend on Facebook with so many status updates that reflect how nervous people are now. I find it amusing because those who are posting are the ones who usually do very well in their exams. It made me see a pattern that some people are really confident with the fact that they're going to make it, while some sound as if they'll be in major shock to see the results tomorrow. I can say that 99.9% of those who are posting tonight on Facebook are surely going to make it. No kidding. 

As for me, I'm actually in a bad situation. I don't actually want to know the results tomorrow, because my sister is getting married the next day. I can feel that whatever that's going to happen tomorrow is going to affect my mood entirely. And weddings mean that there are no running away from relatives and family friends. They will go frenzy asking me whether I'm on holiday, when am I going to finish studying, and a thousand more questions I would love to avoid. Not to mention that my soon-to-be bro-in-law's family will be arriving tomorrow and spending their night at our home, which means home won't feel like home tomorrow. I can't be sad and appear emo and angry and cranky. I can't lock myself in my room with the radio on turned up so loud, that no one hears me screaming (lyrics..). No skipping dinner. No I'm-not-answering-you and I-don't-want-to-talk face. Don't get me wrong. I'm just an introvert who doesn't really like the presence of people whom I never met. If I can make it, well it won't be a problem. 

I don't really feel nervous now as I'm doing so many things like watching anime and reading books and listening to music while singing off-key. But it's ironic that tomorrow I'm gambling my emotions. I haven't been crying because of stress for so long. I don't want to, if you ask me. All these thinking gives me a headache..I just ask for one thing. I'm not dreaming for straight As like last time, the night prior to my SPM results. This time I just want to hit that exact target, not lower, not higher. That'll be enough. But thinking back, did I really do my part? Did I really do all that I could? Did I pray hard enough? Did I make God my first, and studies my second? Did I meet all of my lecturers for help? Did I go out of the exam hall without any regrets?

I'm afraid I have to say no to all of those questions. Who am I, an imperfect human being who up until now still haven't been trying hard enough to please my Creator and make the best of what He gave me. 

Tomorrow either way things go, I guess I'll never be the same person again.