Perhaps I spent so much time on the road or maybe it's just because so many things happened lately, I see myself in a situation where I am constantly thinking of the things I shouldn't bother about. Or maybe I should. Who knows.
While appearing to be quite open about my problems and struggles which I often vomit out on this blog, I still enjoy being vague and being careful of not telling too much, but you see, if I write it down on paper, there's a huge possibility that people will read what they are not supposed to know, and if I write it in a password protected area or something similar to that, my thoughts will remain stagnant there, so here I am, often choosing this blog as a medium to channel my thoughts because at least someone (who I don't know who's reading) will at least know that there is one human being having this way of thinking and you might find that maybe you agree with me. Or maybe not, well that depends on you.
I don't know why I am burdening myself with some questions lately.
But I like it. I like finding answers. I like questioning about things. I am often sceptical. Although I like receiving clear instructions and following structured procedures, my mind is often rebellious. I don't agree much with a lot of things. When I appear to be silent, my mind is sometimes full of arguments. I like thinking, I like it as much as I like feeling about things.
So here goes the main question of mine.
Wait, some background introduction.
Semester break. My principles are tested. Or maybe it's just me who's thinking and feeling too much.
Tell me. Why do human beings tend to see other people's mistakes while it is understood that all people sin? I'm asking in the point of view of the one who sees the mistake. Like...you see something wrong, and you're not sure whether you are being judgemental or what, but you have this little feeling of saying to yourself, "I don't want to see myself committing that very same mistake", while the truth is you can never know whether you are going to change in the future, like...maybe you are bound to do the same thing too?
And very often you want to take your stand and do what's right, but there is so much pressure for you to blend in with the normal people. You laugh along, but you know it's wrong. But you did so because you don't want others to label you as being holy or pretentious or snobbish. I want to be different. I see nothing wrong in it, and I think so far (forget about the future) I can handle it because I am not alone, but there is another thing which bothers me very much, it makes me hurt.
Call me dramatic or whatever, I am just being honest. Someone needs to know this. At least. Because maybe you too, are having this struggle.
I'm sad to see some wrong things around me and I can't even do a single thing to make things better. And I know very much that I do wrong things too. That's why I'm questioning too much tonight. I see those who I love do things that I think are not right, but at the same time I know I'm not perfect either, so how is this whole thing supposed to be? Just turn a blind eye? Or try to correct the situation? With the knowledge that you, as well, are not perfect?
I'm not trying to act good, or maybe I am, but the reason I am thinking of these things is because I can't stand not doing anything when I think I am capable of, at least, sharing some of my opinion about what I think is correct.
I don't only feel, I think.
And I wonder am I the only one who thinks too much?
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