I'm Sorry

"It's OK", they say. "You've done your best", they say.

That's the problem.

When I know I've done my best, but I just can't carry on, it hurts.

It hurts when I really want to talk to my mum about this but I can't, because she's not supposed to be worried about me. It hurts that no matter how people try to motivate me, I just don't see the point of everything. It hurts that I know I shouldn't be acting like this, but at the same time I just feel so hopeless.

I know I shouldn't give up.

I know I can try doing better next time.

But you don't know one of my greatest fears. You just don't know.

"I did badly too", they say.

But they're lying. They still get what they want, or at least more than what I need.

I'm sorry, you just don't understand.