The Ultimate Thank You List

One rainy night in Akasia, I felt inspired to list down these things, and I promised to myself that I'm going to post it here, so here it is:

Thank you for -

1. singing together back from dinner.

2. teaching me the songs.

3. accepting my invitation.

4. asking me.

5. helping me to order food when I'm so blur ><

6. helping me to buy lunch :D

7. saying that you like my laugh.

8. teaching me the lay-up shot, over and over again.

9. allowing me to study in your room.

10. doodling together with me on the whiteboard.

11. texting me those encouraging words.

12. asking me "How are you today?"

13. approaching me when I was emo-ing.

14. smiling back.

15.helping me to print my Bio report.

16. giving me the plaster when I slipped and hurt my pinky toe ><

17. giving me the chances.

18. your jokes.

19. letting me speak.

20. being my friend.

21. forgiving me.

22. noticing at least something about me.

23. saying "hi" to me.

24. having lunch with me.

25. lending me your laptop.

26. the shoulder to cry on.

27. the gifts.

28. sitting beside me in the bus.

29. answering my questions.

30. saying that I'm good in something.

31. the pat on the back.

32. opening the door when I'm too lazy to take out my keys.

33. lending me your guitar.

34. offering to hold my books when I'm standing in the bus.

35. allowing me to join.

36. inviting me for dinner.

37. helping me to cross the road.

38. inviting me to church.

39. helping me with my Chemistry.

40. explaining the Stats questions to me.

41. spending your time to explain Maths.

42. the high-fives.

43. the tissue when I wept.

44. the hugs.

45. the char siew pau.

46. the beer root beer.

47. the nestle chocolate wafer.

48. the ice-skating experience.

49. the photos.

50. ...and other things which is just too impossible to list down.

People may not remember exactly what you did, or what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.

I choose to remember all three.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart! :D

2011

Last Year..

1. In some aspects yeah I think I've improved, in other words I did grow up. Left home and learnt to deal with a lot of things alone, with some help from awesome friends. Physically - gained weight, grew taller, so yeah..

2. Confidence..it's a huge word. I need more time. Although some good things did make me feel confident sometimes, I don't really think I'm confident in a good way.

3. Yes! :) 

4. Yes! :D

5. No. I really need to improve and get back the old feeling of studying. I need to enjoy studying. Too bad I think this year I'm doing quite bad academically. I need to change. 

6. Ow yeah. I always hated changes, but now I'm looking forward to (good) changes in my life. Didn't feel homesick as I thought I would feel when I first arrived in SA. Faced a lot of challenges, yeah there were tears (and sweat and blood - no kidding) which in the end revealed to me that there are a lot of things to learn when you're far away from home. 

7. Friendly? I guess people became friendly to me first. I don't think I've done my best in socializing with my classmates in M8, I didn't really care, to be honest. Now that's one of the things I would like to change next year. Jing said it's important to have a close bond with classmates, and I have to admit it's very true. I don't know..some people have been very nice in my class , but I'm still looking for a real bond. Maybe I've found it, but didn't care to appreciate it? Friendship is one big thing. I thank God for the awesome friends this year, who've just simply been there for me, and I hope next year I'll be a good friend to them too. 

8. Yes, did read some novels while waiting for my SPM results. After entering college I find myself reading textbooks more than I read newspapers, and weirdly now I don't even know how to read the newspaper anymore. 

9. This year is an awesome guitar-ing year, I have to say. One of the reasons is that I had the chance to play a lot of guitars of different brands and from different owners. This is the first time in my life that I played so many guitars in just a few months, thanks to the awesome guitarists who had given me the chance to abuse their guitars to the max. My fingers were indeed happy to meet Takamine, SX, (two) Santa Cruz, Groovy, Yamaha F-210, J.D. Marvell. Haha. 

10. Learn another language? Ghahaha, learnt how to speak in English (again). Ow yeah.

7/10. Not bad.

Wishlist...

no. 3 and no. 4 yet to be fulfilled. 

So yeah, 2011 ain't bad at all! :)

Random Moments. 2011.

This, (both hands on the basketball)...

is..a fadeaway shot. You take a jump shot while jumping backwards, away from the basket, like this..

*jumps backwards, throws the ball*

...AND THE BALL ENTERED THE HOOP. :O

-true story. During a basketball game with Jing one evening. Made me realise that badminton and vollleyball were just not my type of sports. :P

Nah, it wasn't a true fadeaway shot like this one, but it was among the many perasan moments I had in 2011. XD

I Read..

..books..

..halfway nowadays.

And now that I'm almost reaching 19, I have this regret of not reading more books when I was in secondary school. 

I used to grow up with books, having bed-time stories almost every night as a kid, borrowing up to five books from the library every week and going to the bookstore to get at least two books every month. As I get older, everything changed. Moved to an area where the nearest library isn't decent enough, books are darn expensive and the awesome state library is too far from my home. Well, I sound like complaining, but we cannot blame the people of this country for their lack of interest in reading.

As far as I can remember, I started to read less once I entered secondary school. Academic things and textbooks suddenly became the main priority. Carrying an English novel was not a style in a not-so-town-school like mine. Honestly English has forever been my favourite subject, and I love language subjects more than science and maths, but I can't state a reason why I read less other than one typical reason: I didn't have time to do so.

Gone were the days when I can just finish a novel in one sitting. 

I believe that if I had read more during my early teen years, I could probably write way better than this now. I had a very good, steady start as a young kid, alas I didn't continue with it. So kids, pick up a book today. Before you get old like me and start questioning yourself. 

And yeah, I keep on jumping from one book to another after reading each book halfway this holiday. Me too lazy or the books are too boring? :X

Just an Old Song

..which reminds me about quite a number of things..like..

- how I used to like Simple Plan's songs.

- how I listened to a lot of their songs when I was in my early teen years. Ouch. That made me sound old.

- my dreams of jamming with a bunch of people like in the MV lol.

- and ah, this is my type of music haha.

- I am obviously being nostalgic again.

- and showing signs of talking to myself.

******

 

Been uninspired to blog. Trying hard to minimise my time online. In other words, trying to get a real life, and enjoying the true meaning of Christmas.

Feeling..errr..

NOSTALGIC

adjective

experiencing or exhibiting nostalgia, a sentimental or wistful yearning for the happiness felt in a former place, time, or situation.

*************************

I don't know what's wrong, maybe it's just because we're coming towards the end of 2011, these past few days I've been reminiscing probably too much of the old days. Reading my inbox and sent items make me feel like reading a diary - I have messages dated back before SPM, during SPM, the holidays, the interviews, old birthday wishes, MDS stories...

...which made me smile.

This afternoon the drama playing on TV happened to play the song 'Kau Ilhamku', and ah, it brought back that funny feeling. It was the first song that I learnt on my guitar. 

'Aishiteru', the hit song before SPM among the boys in my class seems to never die. I lost count of how many times I listened to it on the bus to college, and when I return here, it seems to follow me. That's enough to remind me of the video Gab, Mav and Arbut recorded before Add Maths class. I watched it again a few nights ago and it was a wrong decision. I almost cried. No one can deny the fact that your Form 5 classmates are among the awesomest people you meet in your lifetime. 

Tonight I suddenly remembered of Peterpan's songs, picked up my guitar and played a few of them.

Sometimes it's just weird how songs can bring back those old feelings which make you appreciate on how you've spent your teen years. Honestly my secondary school life was not that bad, despite the fact that I kept on looking for the meaning of true friendship, I realise that I spent my time with a lot of different people and was never really close to a particular friend. When the time came for us to know each other well, we separate classes. New bonds start to form every year. And now everyone is moving on with new bunch of people.

That's when you feel like opening your old album, skimming through the pictures and wondering what are these people doing now. When you're thinking of them, do they even remember you? Perhaps they don't ever care to think about those memories. And that's what soon make you realise on such a fool you are for still dwelling in the past when everyone has started to carry on with their lives. 

But still the photos give you some sort of happiness as if you're living it once again. 

I somehow like the idea of the old days when we develop photos and not just store them in the digital form. Like what had happen to my hard disc, it caused almost all of my Sem 1 photos to be gone just like that. Nothing beats the feeling of holding and looking at a photo in a true, real photo form. I even felt a bit nostalgic (even though the memories have nothing to do with me) when I looked at my dad's old pictures in the 70's and early 80's. Hmm..now imagine what are we going to leave for our children and grandchildren to see in the future if we lose the digital form?

...so you thought only songs and pictures made me feel nostalgic? Gah.

YouTube is also a place that can bring some sort of sentimental feeling. Don't tell me you can't feel anything when you watch and listen to videos like the theme song of Pokemon or some random video you watched years ago which suddenly appeared in your mind once more. 

I dunno what's happening to me, seriously.

I feel..that I feel too much, sometimes.

Happy 3rd Birthday!!

:D

Day 29

Thinking about the future...

"Download a lot of movies now..then watch it when you're alone during Chinese New Year break."

Huh. Nice suggestion, sis.

So yeah, I'm currently downloading movies. And past papers. And songs. Enjoying the fast internet connection to the max while I still can.

The question now is..should I go back during the Chinese New Year holidays? Arghh. Can't imagine being alone in Akasia. In the same time, I want to save money especially after realising how much I've spent all these while. 

Planning to not go back at all next sem. Upgrading of being far away from home for 5 months. I don't know if it's a good idea, to wait till the end-of-sem holidays to finally go back. It's not that bad to be in Akasia, but if others are not around during the break, I'll feel emo-er than ever. 

...and when I see the academic calender, it crushes my heart. Next sem looks short. There's going to be a lot of things to learn. I shall make full use of the holidays.

So I'm not coming home...till May. 

I will survive.

That Feeling is Gone :D

Yeah it's impressive that my feelings are as changeable as the weather :P Anyway, I was browsing through some songs in my files and then I suddenly remembered one song...

that made me smile.

An awesome cover by one YouTuber:


Ah, reminds me of those good old days in ISCF Penrissen.
..and the fact that no, I am not alone. :)

That Feeling

GO AWAY LAHHHHH

Why does the slightest breeze gives me such a chill?

Cold

It's a cold and lonely night

and I'm sitting at the bedside.

There's something making me feel not right

but there's nothing I can do to fight.

I put my headphones on

and the music starts to play

The title is 'Our Song'

but hey, where are you today?

This feeling strikes again

as I try hard to ignore

It feels like walking in the rain

alone, just like before.

Gah. Cold. Cannot sleep. Feeling emo.

Day 26

Oh no moments.

Mistakes.

Hmm.

Report. Day 25.

Yikes. Time flies.

Finally got some fresh air today. Managed to force myself to sleep early last night (if you call 2am early). Before eventually falling asleep, the only thing that I realised was the clock which was showing 4am. Hmm..2 hours of trying to fall asleep...

Talking about fresh air..well..I can count the days when I came out of home since the day I came here. Uh? What happened to my English. :/ sentence sounds confusing to me. Went to various places today, including this weird interesting shop.

Probably this made it interesting.

Nothing special actually. It was rather annoying to me, walking in a crowd of people, ehem, to be specific - in India Street. Seemed that everyone passing by was smoking. That's my problem.

Anyway, these are the things which I've done during the past few days:

Photographing Kitty and hating her for being cute. Also hating the fact that I don't have a better camera to snap her elegant poses.

Helped my mum a little bit, as usual. She asked me to help with these leaves, too bad I dunno how to describe what the heck is this vegetable and what did I do to it. Oh snap, this sounds so wrong. I was actually quite lazy to help :P but after seeing this...

No problemo. 

Mum said I had this face called "ka ka enggai" while helping her, which literally means want want don't wan't. So it basically means something in between want and don't want. In other words, I wanted to help her, but I in the same time I didn't want to. Hmm. How could that be possible? o.O

Anyway, today I found something quite nostalgic.

I thought they have stopped selling these.

Been ages since I last saw these sweets. Lol.

Some other good news, I started doing some revision on Bio and Chemistry. OHH TEARSS OF JOYYY :') Suddenly had this feeling to study. Planning to go ahead with the coming chapters in Sem 2 so I won't be so blur next year. Ah I feel good saying it out here, so that if I fail to accomplish this plan, I'm gonna embarrass myself yeehaaa. 

Hmm. Let me think of other things..ah, the drawing which I wanted to show:

Don't be fooled. Me no good in drawing. Me traced it X)

...I also went to the music shop once again today, and now I suddenly remember (the picture reminded me) that I actually wanted to buy a (cheap) pair of drumsticks :/ how did I ever forget? Ended up buying something else. Ngahaha.

Well I guess this is how I should end this 'report'. 

I feel alive today. 

and I shall feel alive too tomorrow.

uh?

3 Weeks...

Three weeks of doing nothing

equals to 21 days saying "oh no!"

After days and nights guitar-ing

I realise there's just another 3 (and a half) weeks to go..

Another failed attempt of writing a ermm..poem? After blogwalking I suddenly thought of writing something today..something that I'll be able to read in the future that records what have I done during my first semester holidays. You see, all these while I've been over-focusing on writing things that don't reflect what I do at all. No ramblings like I used to do (a lot) before college life. I somehow miss the time when I was a crazy kid, participated more in class, writing almost everything that I experienced in school (not here but in my journal of course), those days when I worry less but seem to be genius enough to not study all day..those days when people called me Fee instead of my real name..and the days I acted lame most of the time...

This holiday I feel the need to recover to my own self. Looking back, actually I didn't really be myself last semester. I'm more than what people see. The truth is, I've been trying to hard to be as good as others last sem, and I only notice about this fact when I'm here at home. It hurts. I see too many people with amazing personalities and it sucks when I think I want to be like them. It doesn't make me any better, it just made me lose confidence even more than before. 

I've also realised that people with a high level of confidence don't really think of what others think of them. Or maybe they don't think too much (or probably feel too much). And living this life with a lot of uncertainties in relationships and friendships is quite torturing.

ARGHHHH WHY AM I SO EMO?

Gah. Now I think I should start to recall what have I done for the past three weeks. It's so unbelievable that I have only another 3.5 weeks of relaxing. At first it was quite difficult to adapt to home (I kept on comparing things here with Akasia until my sister became so fed up of listening). However it's magnificent (or err...terrible?) to see that old habits seem to arise again and discipline deteriorates very easily. Very very easily.

Guitar-ing has become funner that ever before with the callus growing back on my fingers. Woohoo. Gone were the days when pressing the fretboard made me feel like a beginner once more. Honestly, before I leave this world, there are three things (related to guitar) I would love to achieve, 1. Jam on a rooftop. 2. Jam with a friend or a bunch of guitar enthusiasts, novice or intermediate I don't care..it's the passion that matters most. 3. Buy an electric guitar. A cheap, fake one would do well, but if I become rich, Fender Strat, Gibson Les Paul and Gretsch something ( I don't know the specific name of model but it looks like this:)

*atempt to upload picture failed*

Arghhh I was actually about to upload some pictures and write less, but what to do..I've been trying for more than an hour =='' ...and now it's raining cats and dogs in Kuching yo! Reminds me of the lazy days of walking out for dinner during the study leave in you-know-where.

Basically I've forgotten on what to say after wandering to YouTube, so yeah, till we meet again in another chapter. Astalavista baby.

Eh wait -- after googling, I found out it's supposed to be...hasta la vista, baby.

o.O

Wowww :O

Since I said hello to college life, I haven't been following any news about the Thai entertainment industry. Therefore you can say that I'm a bit left behind on the current updates...including this one...

Ehem. A Fender Strat..yeah..??

Look who's playing ittttt!!!!!

Yeah, a seven year old boy. I don't know much about this boy, just happened to watch his MV on YouTube yesterday night. At first I didn't really care..but then when I watched him playing solo, oh wow. I became speechless. He somehow reminds me of the kid in School of Rock. Well it's not surprising that there are many other guitar prodigies out there after all.

It's just funny to read a comment on YouTube staying something like "Ah, I'm 16 and I haven't even played an electric guitar before." I played an electric guitar for not more that a minute a week before I reached 18, but that doesn't count because it's a fake Stratocaster. This kid is so cool to experience such achievement at a very young age.

I don't know if it's just me, but *ehem*, he looks hot in this picture LOL.

Awwwww :D

He sure is enjoying the attention that he's getting, hope he's gonna grow up like other kids :P

I can see that this kid is enjoying very much on what he's doing, and you can tell that he has a true interest in playing. Well I hope he'll become successful in the future.

Nong Mark's MV. I think I'm in love with this kid *_*

..and yeah, I've watched some other clips of him playing live. It's really him who's playing.

Bwahaha!

ps. Yes, I'm a fan of Zits since secondary school :D

December

Two words: Cold and laziness.

One month to go..before these carefree moments end.

No wonder Taylor Swift said she'll go back to December all the time :P

ILY :)

I've been thinking of this since I came back here and I have this feeling that tells me to express it out...and since December has just started, I must tell it out here so that in the future I can smile as I reread this post. 

It's funny how a person's heart can just change in a few months, or is it more correct if I say it's amazing how God can change a person's heart in just a short while? Yes, I feel...that I feel too much, or you can say I feel a lot, I feel more than I think. 

I'm glad I've changed. I'm glad that I look at you in a different perspective now.

...and it's never too late to love.

I love you, and someday I'll make you proud.

Misusing "Sorry"

"Hello, bla bla bla (name of organisation/office) here, may I speak to Mr. Mazlan?"

"Huh? Mazlan? Sorry, wrong number." *thinks for a while*...maybe I listened wrongly (self-monologue).

*Speaks again* "Uh, Mr. Mazlan izit?"

"Yes, yes."

"Ooh sorry sorry, wrong number. Sorry."

"Oh, OK."

Tuttt tuttt tutttt.

**********

Now I realise that it's true, I have this disorder of saying sorry too much in inappropriate occasions. Why on earth did I have to say sorry to the one who made a wrong phone call asking for a person I don't even know, to the one who caused me to pause my MV on my laptop and to run to the door, checking if it's a miss call to indicate someone's been knocking while I'm not listening ==''

Sorry la, that's why I never love answering phone calls, especially on the house phone ==''

Non-fiction Fiction

[You'll get a weird title when you try to think of something creative.]

Max loves to collect things. After buying or getting something, he always end up buying more of the same stuff just because he simply loves seeing them arranged in a series. Take for example comics, stamps, trading cards, erasers, guitar picks...and...guitars.

However this time he thinks purchasing a new guitar is not just for fun, not just because he loves collecting items but rather because of a few factors which he have put into consideration. First, his very first guitar is too hard to play. It doesn't sound nice to be played in front of others. It's also his first true love and he won't be bringing it out of the house. It's too valuable to be taken miles away from home, despite the fact that it's cheaper than your grandpa's handphone.

His second love, the guitar that he really really loves (and probably his most valuable non-electronic item in the room) is too big. It's heavy too, so dreaming of it to become a travel guitar is not a wise thing to do. 

Max has been thinking of this for a long time. He needs one because he's shy of borrowing from others in college. He wants one to keep him entertained when time gets tough. He wants to sing praises and play guitar, simply because that's the only moment that he feels he's at least good in something (although the fact of being good is not quite true).  He knows that he isn't rich, and he wouldn't want disturb a single sen in his account for the guitar. To fast forward the story, let's just say that Max miraculously got enough money to buy a decent guitar. 

It's was impressive how Max managed to bargain for it, thanks to mum's voice which kept on ringing in his mind, reminding him of every moment in the past when he simply agreed to any price without showing any effort of bargaining. After building up some courage, he asked for free items. "Oh, of course, yes! You'll be given a free pick!", the salesperson said. Max grinned. Choosing for a nice, thin pick, a white one finally grabbed his attention. He wanted one more - remember he loves collecting things? So he tried his luck. "You'll give me only one free pick?, he asked. "Take one more!", shockingly, the lady gave him the answer he was waiting for.

He chose red this time, and his heart couldn't stop singing gleefully.."I have two new free picks..I have two new free picks!" He quickly inserted them into his wallet, in the same compartment like his identity card and Kad Rabbit. 

...so after that Max went loitering around the mall before stepping into the bookstore to search for something to be read during the holidays. He bought a novel, paid for it at the counter, and...the moment he opened his wallet, he did a huge mistake...which he didn't realise...

**********************

"OHHH NOOOO WHERE'S MY WHITE GUITAR PICK???", Max exclaimed as he opened his wallet again that very same evening, hours after he left the bookstore. His brothers blamed him. "You should have kept them in the coin compartment, silly", they said. 

So it was is fault. Not to forget that over a year ago, he took a pick which he found in front of the school hall. Someone in the bookstore might have taken his lost pick too.

**********************

Moral of the story: Have you ever lose your marbles? Well, it's nothing compared to losing a free, new guitar pick.

Based on a very true story. 

...of a person who is not named Max.

I Got My Laptop Back

...and it's as good as new.

Currently installing this and that, hunting for old Form 5 pictures which I stored in my sister's laptop, and feeling sleepy of waiting for these downloads and installations to finish. 

Hmm.

Your Questions (Finally Answered)

OK, rather than drifting away with the emo-ness I guess it's better for me to write about some thoughts like I used to do before. This is another critical thinking post - something you only get to see once or twice in a year.

I've been bombarded with a lot of questions which to me, requires a level of critical thinking and precaution. It's not that the questions were too hard to answer, but it's rather because I don't have the skills (or you can say wisdom) to talk seriously. Yes, I can be very professional in talking crab. And yes, I know you've just noticed a spelling mistake there. Thank you.

There are reasons why I avoid certain questions. Reason number one is I need a lot of time to think, because I know I always get things wrong. And normally I will notice about how wrong I was hours after I answer the question.

Here are some questions which I've avoided:

1. Don't you feel warm with that sweater on?

Yes I do, but not to the point that my sweat glands play their function and I have to take it off. Honestly I find comfort and warmth when I have it on, maybe due to the idea that the pockets actually hide my hands whenever I'm nervous and (weirdly) the sweater itself gives me some sort of confidence because it makes me feel cool. You may not know that it's also part of my attempt to look like a street kid. Not to forget that I'm trying to hide my ugly t-shirts too. As absurd as it may sound, yes, those are the reasons why I never take the sweater off even when I have my dinner/walk under the afternoon sun.

2. Are you excited of flying to (insert name of country here)?

Yes I am excited. I was once excited till I told someone that my two other friends and I are going to "end up together in (insert name of country here)". And he answered me back, saying "no, you may not end up in (that country). We know someone who didn't make it". After that incident, I tried to say things with full precaution, afraid that my over-excitedness might lead me towards giving inappropriate answers and statements. The truth is, if I was being myself that day, I would have said something else.

3. Why are you relaxing when everyone in the house is studying?

Because I'm studying when you guys are relaxing! XD To be honest I've been asking the same question to myself too. It's hard to tell whether you're effort is enough or not when you see other people's way of studying. I guess my first semester wasn't really about seeing myself struggle in academics but seeing myself struggle with my own feelings which most of the time make me feel angry of myself. "Am I doing my best?" is the question that I never seem to manage to answer. I know that I can absorb things pretty well when I enjoy doing it, and I believe everyone else does. Thus I don't like the term forcing oneself to study. I've went through the days when studying was very enjoyable and the mood to study came naturally to me. I'm not sure if it still applies to college life, but I believe that I have my own pace in certain things.

Geniuses. Hmm.

There you have it!
Your questions...finally answered.

I Hate This Feeling

Day 6.

Equals to day 5 of being alone till the evening. Yes, I have a laptop (which is not mine anyway), a TV, books and even my guitar with me, but nothing can replace a someone to talk to.

I used to enjoy being alone at home. Now not anymore. 

I Feel Like Saying Something

I'm sleepy but I refuse to sleep. I need to say something before I sleep tonight. At least something. The problem is, I have a lot of things to say, but I don't know where to start and what should I not say.

I've just realised that I talk too much to myself all these while.

And I've also realised that the perfect moment to blog about a sudden inspiration is on the moment itself. I have at least three different things to write (type?) out here, things that I've been thinking about before I left You-Know-Where. After some time I don't even know when is the perfect timing to say it out. Now is either too late, or too early considering that the new year is still quite far ahead.

So what am I talking about? Nothing.

Holidays So Far

1. It's weird when you even need time to adapt yourself to your own home.
2. It's weird when advertisements on TV seem to be more entertaining than the drama that your sister is watching.
3. It's weird when you finally get to hold a knife
4. ...and cook for yourself whenever you're hungry.
5. It's weird when you suddenly find yourself feeling bored without companion.
6. It's not so weird to find out that discipline can deteriorate in just a few days.
7. It's funny that Akasia actually does teach me to become selfish. Here I find it annoying funny that there is an endless pile of clothes waiting to be folded by someone who has been folding an average of ten t-shirts per week (rough estimation, I hate numbers).
8. It's cool to hear pigeons instead of crows in the morning. 
9. It's weird that I don't have any interest to read the newspaper anymore...
10. It's weird that I miss you.

Who is you? I don't know. You to me is a lot of people..those who have brought me through the tough moments this sem. Those who have shown to me how weak I am. Those who have just simply been there. This sounds so...

I sense emo-ness.

Should I stop here? 

Goodbye :(

This is not going to be an emo post.

Or probably it will be? I'm going to say goodbye to:

1. My pictures...(almost) ALL of my Sem 1 pictures. I SHOULD HAVE UPLOADED ALL OF 'EM ON FB.
2. My pictures...those awesome (and not so awesome) shots. ARGGHHH.
3. The MVs which I've downloaded from YouTube, most of them are not on YouTube anymore due to copyright issues.
4. My important documents. Yes, they are important.
5. My novel (or story?) which I've typed before starting my college life. I've already typed out ONE CHAPTER. Was hoping to continue it. Have to start again from scratch :/
6. My guitar covers. Lol I don't mind about that.
7. My Form 3-5 pictures. I hope I still have them in my pen drive :P
8. My movies lol. I don't mind..I don't mind..*breathes in*

OK OK..stop remembering about those things..I better forget them all...and smile, if possible GRIN because I'm going to get back my laptop like the first condition I got it. Empty. Hoho. Nothing could be done to save the data inside. They're going to replace the hard disk. Replace. Not even reformat. 

*starts to breathe in and thinks positively...*

At least everything is going to be free of charge. Still I cannot accept the fact that MY SEM 1 PICTURES ARE GONE. OH NOOOOOOOOOO.

Back to Blogging

First of all, I just wanna thank God for the amazing journey back home. Time passed by pretty quickly, it didn't feel like I had been waiting for so long to step my feet on the grounds of this island. Finished reading four Slam Dunk comics while waiting and spent the remaining time enjoying the wifi. Well, it was certainly a long road, twisting turning back home (quoting Silly Fools' song) :P

Kindness of Strangers

I don't know if I have any nerdy-innocent-looking look, but seeing how kind strangers can be is just so awesome. As I was struggling to put my two bags in the plane's luggage compartment (which was apparently full), a woman gave me an idea to fit them in between her bags. She spoke Mandarin to me and I acted as if I understood. Then it was amazing how her husband immediately stood up from his seat to help me do everything. I soon realised how short I am, and how terribly nervous I can be when I'm alone.

That was not the only help received in the plane. As we arrived, the same man and woman helped to pass my bag to me. And the man who sat next to me also helped me to put on my laptop bag.

Thinking back, I feel like a kid - it made me feel funny and filled with awe at the same time. People can be that kind.

Home (and some random stuffs)

• I discovered that there are some cosmetic thingies on my study table. My sister has been invading my territory!
• The fretboard of my guitar had fungi. 
• Apparently my stories were too long to be told in one night, I didn't know where to start and where to end.
• I can't sleep tonight! Feeling like doing everything as if the holiday is ending soon.
• Kitty still recognises me. She did that same old face when I made some funny faces to her.
• The air here feels so weird.
• It's so awesome to finally use a laptop like your own one lol. 

I'll be back to blogging during this 6.5 weeks period of time! Woohoo. It feels good to talk to myself and expressing it into something that I can see. Yeah I sound weird :P

Will be posting some stuffs which have been stuck in my mind since ( I don't know since when). The truth is, I can never blog freely in an open space like the college computer lab. It feels like eyes are looking at me while actually nobody is that nosey. Yeah I can be that perasan.

Overslept and Overspelt

It is proven that two hours of sleep is enough to severely affect your spelling skills.

In order to kill my guilt of wasting the whole morning (and afternoon, and evening ) of yesterday, I attempted something that I alwayssss do back in home. I decided not to sleep. The plan went perfectly smooth for a few hours until 3.45am. By 4am, everything in my Bio book looked like Cuneiform. So I decided to sleep..

and my plan to wake up at 6.30am failed. Replying to Kar Suan's message, I typed..

"Aiyoh, I overspelt".

Anyways, I still managed to drag myself to college with red eyes and finally completed my Daphnia report! Yay! Now I can start focusing on revising everything. Done with daphnia! :D

Oh wow, it's already November..

I Don't Know Why Am I Posting This

I see people grinning as they leave their seats.

Ten rows in front of me were empty. I took a glance around. I was not the only one left. I tried harder and harder to get a flashback of what I've read earlier, yet still I couldn't remember anything. My mind was empty, I had no feelings at all. As I continued to look at the ceiling and act as if I'm drumming, I didn't even feel nervous or worried.

Ethics was not that bad after all.
I still can't get the idea of why did I come out of the old library earlier than I've expected.

So goodbye Ethics! Till we meet again next sem! Bwahaha.

Reporting live from the library.

Worrying

I know it's such a negative title to start with in this month of October. I can't believe it's my first post of this month.

I'm just feeling worried that I'm not worrying when I'm supposed to feel worried. This feeling is just so hard to understand >.<

Latest News!

Reporting live from the library's computer lab! 

Ethics test just now was awesome woohoo! Core Maths was also cooool! Okay, I was kidding. :P

I should be depressed by now, thinking back on how I ruined the whole thing. I did study for Maths the whole day yesterday, I did read some notes for Ethics, but it seems like I didn't do good enough.

Chemistry and Biology will be next week. I don't want to repeat the same mistake. Why am I still spending time to go online now? Why am I still logging in to you-know-where? Why? WHYYYY? I also don't know why. I just think I deserve to have a little bit of fun while waiting for ko-pln to start hahaa. 

I should go now. 

Bye.

Life So Far

I have to admit life's been tough these past few days. 

My laptop died again.

My weekend was miserable.

I have a Bio report to be done and I'm basically wasting my time on other things because I don't have a laptop (what an excuse).

I get jealous when seeing other people have entertainment on their laptops.

I'm in the computer lab, trying to log into fb for a few times already but still fail to do so. I'm not gonna give up yo!

I know there's a reason God kept me alive despite all of these depressing moments (though it might not sound depressing to you). I've been slowly learning to be thankful not just when good things happen. Sometimes we just tend to praise God only when we face good things. When problems arise, we give up. I'm more less like that, but I can see myself walking a path of thankfulness for whatever condition life throws to me. I'm learning to feel OK even when things seem to be not OK. 

I know that day my laptop didn't die immediately because God knew it was an emergency. I really needed the slides. This time I don't really need it. Bio reports can still be done by using the computers in computer labs found everywhere in this place. If situations get worse, I can still borrow from others (this is definitely my last option lol).

So...my weekend was a bit miserable at first because I was feeling a bit lonely and I didn't have a laptop to log into fb to just talk to somebody. I was left with two options: sleep or revise. I chose to talk to God. I said I needed just someone to talk to. The next day, help came. It was as easy as that. The following day He also provided me friends, making me realise that hey, my simple request two nights ago was fulfilled. I now I have a reason to start this week with a smile.

I've never been nice to people in my entire life. Seeing how amazing God's love is in this place, it makes me ponder...how can I pay back what I've received? All these while I keep on receiving and receiving yet still not giving. Well maybe someday I'll know.

Thinking back of last week, I think I've learnt a lot. In fact I think the most valuable lessons so far came from a lot of things that happened after the Raya break. I won't be shocked if one day I think back of all these days and notice how much I've changed.

So yeah, still can't log into fb. Never mind then. I have to start doing my Bio report :)

When I Can't Endure in Silence

After a few months being in this place, I can't even answer one simple question - 

Am I an introvert, or an extrovert? 

Had a personality test during English this afternoon. It made me think hard on what kind of person I am actually. The problem is I can be both hyper and quiet. When I laugh too much, I don't feel right after that, especially when I think back on how hyper I was. The problem is when I talk too much, I tend to say something wrong. However, when I don't talk at all, I don't feel right. And I can't approach people first to start a conversation. People have to be friendly to me first, then there comes my insanity following afterward. 

So I guess I'm just something in between.

Whatever.

By the way, it's already 4 days since the 'laptop incidence'. Nothing wrong has happened again since then. It might sound so insignificant to you, but yeah it means a lot to me :)

He is Awesome

I HAVE to blog about this.

Yesterday it was supposed to be my turn to present my English decision making speech. The night before, I did some final touch up to my slides and finished doing so quite early, around 10.30pm. Feeling nervous but quite ready to face the next day, I went to bed without the slightest knowledge on what will happen the next day. All I knew that I just couldn't wait for the evening to come, as it was going to be my first time experience of serving for CA. 

The next morning (yesterday), everything was as normal, I got ready earlier than any other days and felt so excited to start the day. After the prayer meeting, we went to our respective classrooms and as for my class, we immediately started the presentation. I knew my turn was going to be quite late, so I relaxed first and decided to just switch on my laptop when my turn came.

Right before my turn, I switched on my laptop and guess what had happened. I had problem with my laptop, it could be switched on but couldn't enter the system. After some failed attempts to solve the problem, I gave up and accepted the fact. I thank God we had not enough time for everyone to present the speeches, so we had to continue it the next day (which is today). My mind was thinking about a lot of things. People were asking me whether I backed up my slides in my pen drive. Then I realised what a huge mistake which I've made. I didn't do so. Everything was so unexpected. 

With anger and despair (and feeling worried), I didn't know what to do but to blame myself and the Ethics presentation we had the day before. I felt like blaming someone and releasing my anger to someone, but because there was no one, I had to just keep everything inside. I walked out from the classroom (as we had to go to the lab after that), feeling really bad. From far, I saw my friend Kar Suan at the corridor. Thinking back of what had happened, I just knew God provided me a shoulder to cry on without me even asking for it. It was not coincidence that Kar Suan was standing there. I immediately went to her and told her everything. I didn't even realise that tears were flowing down my cheeks. She gave me a hug, saying that everything will be OK. I just don't know what I was feeling that time, I guess it was a mixture of feelings which made me feel awful.

I walked alone to the lab, but turned back and saw my classmates Fatin and Nadiah a few metres right behind me. They showed me that they also cared about what had happened, after asking me to cheer up, they suggested some solution to my problem. In the Bio lab, I couldn't even smile as I was worrying too much. How am I going to do all of my future assignments without my laptop. More importantly, how am I going to present my speech the next day?

That afternoon, I was in the same bus with Kar Suan. When we reached hostel, she offered me her help, which is to redo my slides using her laptop. So I followed her to her house, feeling quite bad for troubling a friend. After about an hour, I managed to do a decent presentation (did it halfheartedly), still thinking of my slides which I've prepared earlier which were far better than that one. I kept on questioning why? Why did such thing happen to me? Then Kar Suan's answer awakened me. It's OK, this is God's way to let me share His love to you. I thought of it again and I felt embarrassed for my previous feelings of anger and worry, as if there was no solution to the problem.

When I returned to my house, everybody haven't returned from class yet, so I was alone, thinking more about what had happened. I needed someone to talk to, but I didn't want to worry my mum, so I called my sister. It didn't even make me feel better as her remarks worried me more and made me blame myself more than before. So I called my mum, thinking that only her voice can calm me down. As I told her everything, I cried again. It was such a bad feeling.

I finished my conversation and there was still nobody with me in the house. It made me feel lonely and as if no one cares. Then something struck me. I forgot to do something. Talk to God. Since He promised to hear us whenever we cry out to Him, I knew that He is my only hope. So I prayed, saying everything that came across my mind. One of my main worries was not being able to serve for CA cheerfully that night. I didn't want that to happen. So I prayed more and more until my housemate Queen returned from class. Her presence in the house made me feel OK and I slowly forgot about the laptop for a while.

That evening, right after my other housemate Jing (whom I call a genius and tech-savvy person) returned from class, I asked her to check on what was happening to my laptop. After several attempts, in just a few seconds, the laptop was able to be switched on normally, as if nothing had happened before. The first thing that came across my mind was what I had asked God in my prayers that afternoon. Immediately, I took my pen drive and backed up the presentation that I needed. I praise Him for listening to my prayers and giving me that chance to back up what I really needed.

That night I gave my all during CA, praising Him as I knew that He has done something special to me before that CA gathering. I didn't even think of my worries anymore for the whole night.

And yeah, I woke up this morning as usual, but with some thoughts that the same problem might occur again today. However, I wasn't so worried because the slides that I needed were in my pen drive and I can borrow any laptops from my classmates later on. My thoughts weren't wrong, as I tried to switch it on this morning, the same problem happened. But this time I learnt my lessons. I managed to present my speech using my classmate's laptop. As I returned home, I tried to switch it own again but nothing happened. So guess what? If yesterday he heard my prayer and answered it, why not I continue to pray today? Therefore I prayed again, this time with more faith as I know what happened yesterday was not a coincidence. This evening, after several attempts (again), it came back to normal again, and I switched it on again tonight, hence I am here, typing this out to share how awesome He is. It might be a small story to you, but for me, it is something remarkable to know that God showed his love and care through people who are close to where you are, and when you feel like there's no solution to your problem, He's actually there to give you a solution.

Good night :)

The Journey Back

It's Tuesday today! I can't believe I didn't even touch my laptop yesterday! Here I am to narrate my adventures back to this place where mornings are so long, yet evenings and nights are so short :P hope you got the message.

Didn't feel really emo as the car left the house. Perhaps because of the nap right after returning from church haha. Felt like I forgot something, and yep I was correct. I forgot my hairbrush. Let's just skip these not so important details.

Time went by pretty fast. After taking lots of pictures, all I realised that I was already in the plane, once again sitting beside the window (woohoo!) with two other guys at the same row. Perhaps it was some sort of delayed emotion, I only felt something wrong during that time, right after the plane began to move. To be honest, tears were glistening in my eyes for no apparent reason. Maybe it's fear or perhaps it's the feeling of disappointment for not being able to wake up late again after this. I did drop a tear and quickly wiped it away with my sweater. I knew it was just some silly feelings playing a prank on me. I'm not that sad to leave my hometown. There are a lot of things which I'm looking forward to here. That doesn't include studies and assignments.

And yeah like my secondary school senior told me before, flights are boring. I didn't feel any excitement like what I've experienced during my first flight this year lol. Slept and woke up for a few times within the 1 hour and 45 minutes journey. It was a cloudy day and it wasn't fun when the plane kept on hitting the clouds. There was one terrifying moment when the plane felt like falling (kids in front were so excited, giggling and saying it felt like being in a roller coaster). My immediate reaction was to grab something close to me (luckily not the guy's arm beside me) and it was actually funny that we both held the chair handle (or whatever you call it) spontaneously. After that I came to realise that kids are more courageous than adults. While my heart felt as if it had jumped out of my throat, the kids were giggling. Talk about the fear of dying too early. Hah.

I am not supposed to take any pictures. I didn't know the rules until a guy signaled us not to do so.

 Nothing special happened when we arrived, unlike the moment when we reached Kuching with huge grins on our faces. No one's there too pick us up. We haven't even really arrived yet. So yeah, no sigh of relief. 

Reached kolej at about 5.30pm. Felt empty inside out. With an empty stomach and empty heart, I forced myself to act cool. I succeeded until today. Still cool and alive. Every individual has a reason for his or her journey. I have one too. And yeah big girls don't cry.

Get ready for another sequel of this journey. Heh.

Dramatic enough?

Back in a Few Hours

Bye bye cozy bed. Say hello to bantal yang keras macam batu (yeah I'm okay with that, it's just the way I describe it). Bio report. Done. Ethics presentation. Completed it a few minutes ago. English speech. Alamak.

Oh well, now I realise how much I've procrastinated. I blame myself for my laziness. Lessons leart: do your homework during the first few days of your holiday. You'll never regret.

I'm afraid.

Afraid that I forgot to complete one of my homeworks. I'm forgetful and lazy. What a combination.

Afraid that I'll feel homesick when I return to you-know-where tomorrow. My feelings are unpredictable yo.

Afraid that the flight ticket for my end-of-sem is going to be too expensive. Have to book quickly eh.

Holiday has been awesome, but I'm not going to go far with this type of lifestyle. Two sleepless nights because of Bio report (it was fun yo!). Playing Angry Birds (now I know how fun it is!). Relaxing is fun, but it's not cool.    I need some self-discipline in my life XD

So yeah. Fourteen hours left.

Day 4

Or is it Day 5?

Finally went to somewhere today! :P Church this morning was awesome! Good to see familiar faces again (although I miss the familiar faces in you-know-where too!). Try to guess where did I go after that? Tadaaaa~

I have no idea why did they decorate the stage like that. Hari Raya theme? Maybe.

The answer to my own question. I went to da good ol' Spring! Kuchingites love tHe Spring! (Well, I assume).

I dunno what happened to me. Suddenly snapping random pictures.

Bringing my habit in the land of you-know-where back to my hometown.

Seriously (I think) these 2 cute guys are new stuffs. Never seen them before.

I never noticed this before. You-know-where has taught me to become more observant, I guess.

THE MAIN AGENDA. My old specs (the one that I'm currently wearing) had created much havoc to me. I couldn't see what's written on the whiteboard from my seat in the class. I couldn't recognize my own classmate when I passed her by one night. I even hesitated to help someone because my eyes (or that pair of specs) were fooling me, saying that that's not the person I think I saw. This happened a month ago, I think. It made me feel awful. Isn't it sad when you can't even judge from your eyesight? (Emo again, quick quick change topic!).

Hence I decided to bid farewell to the old specs, the one I've been wearing since Form 4. I think I made a blog entry about that 2 years ago. Based on the picture above (huh?), I think I can open an optic shop now, selling second-hand specs. The cool harry potter-like sunglasses were bought when I was around 5 years old, I think. I'm glad I still kept them! I started wearing specs in Primary 5 and now I can't imagine a minute without my specs. They're my best companion. Sometimes I nap with my specs on (for better vision when I dream, maybe?).

So yeah, enough with the specs story. I'm not even wearing the new one now. Felt dizzy for some reason. I usually take a really long time to adapt myself with new things, including specs :P

Thennnn...I sent my guitar for service since I never did so. Just wanted to know what will they do to the guitar before the service period ends :P Since the guy suggested that I should change the strings, I just agreed. The last time since I changed them was last December - and the last set of strings were damn expensive, I regretted for buying from that other shop last year. LOL. The new set which I changed to just now is as good as the old one, yet far more affordable and reasonable. Overall I'm satisfied by the service provided. Happy with the new strings :)

Bought a new pick too! I love collecting random things, so I decided to add another pick into my collection. It's the orange one in the picture. My favourite one now. Before this I always use the one next to it. The new one is thinner. I'm loving it! Every pick in the picture has it's own story. I bought the first one when I had my first guitar. It's extra thick. Being a noob that time, I never knew it wouldn't like it. The second one is freeeeee (that's why it's PINK, ok..). Got it when I bought my second guitar. Third one is also freeee. Found it when collecting rubbish (prefect's job every morning) in front of the school hall. Since nobody was there, I took it haha! Fourth one burnt a hole in my pocket. RM3. I was still a secondary school student during that time T_T that's why I love it the most.

See..I started very humbly. My first set of strings was the cheapest one available. As I get older, I seem to get choosier. Kids nowadays..hmm.

All brand new!

Photo of the day. YUMMY!

Back to Bio! Bye :D